He knew he should have gone with you. A bad feeling had settled in the pit of his stomach when he woke up that morning, but he stuffed it away. He usually felt nervous when you went out without him, this must have just been that same feeling. That day just seemed different, though. He told you about it, but you were already a pilot short due to one of your squadron members catching a nasty cold, so you had to go. You promised Poe you’d be extra careful, but he still felt anxious. 

With a bright smile and a quick peck on his cheek, you left the safety of the Resistance base and went out to do some recon.

--

Poe absolutely could not believe his eyes.

A dull throb in the back of his head pulled him from his slumber. He groaned quietly, moving to reach towards the source of the pain, but his hands stayed bound to where they were.

Poe’s eyes shot open, darting straight to his wrists. He was strapped to a metal table, nearly standing upright. The previous events rushed to him in an instant, and he felt his stomach clench in anxiety.

His attention was diverted to another interrogation table a few feet away from him when he heard a faint inhale.

His breath caught in his throat, and tears sprung to his eyes. He had to have been hallucinating, there was no way he was seeing who he thought he was seeing. If he was, it was a damn realistic hallucination.

You were laying limply against the table, chest rising and falling slowly, but consistently. You were there, right in front of him, alive. Poe noticed the dried blood and bruises spread across your face, they looked real. You looked real.

Poe shook his head, trying to snap himself out of whatever nightmare he was having. When nothing around him changed, he felt the cold hand of fear wrap around his heart. “Y-y/n?” He barely spoke, briefly wondering if he was dead. You were gone. This couldn’t be real. 

But when you opened your eyes, looked up at him, and croaked out his name in shock, he started to second guess his own knowledge of your death.

“You’re alive?”

You weakly nodded, happy to see his pretty face for the first time in weeks. Your voice came out scratchy and strained, but Poe didn’t miss a single word. “You look tired.” You noticed with a frown. You hated when Poe didn’t get enough sleep.

“I-I thought you were dead. We all thought-“

“The first order picked me up, after I crashed,” Poe’s heart clenched as your voice wavered, “they’ve kept me here.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, y/n."

You went to respond, but a wave of nausea stopped you. You shivered, letting out a quiet whimper. You could hear his attempts to free himself from his restraints. He grunted quietly as he struggled against them.

“I searched for you, I-I was out there for days.”

“I know you did.” you smiled at him, spitting a glob of blood from your mouth. You knew Poe would have looked for you, you always did. If only one person was out there looking for you, it would be Poe. You never doubted that.

“When we found the wreckage, I-“ he inhaled a sharp breath, “I thought-“

“It’s okay, Poe,” your head dropped slightly, “it’s alright.”

“Your ship was completely destroyed. They said it happened on impact. If I’d have known you survived, I would have found you, I swear. I wouldn’t have stopped looking.”

“I know.” Your eyelids drooped dangerously low, setting off alarm bells in Poe’s head. He pulled against his restraints, making no progress in freeing himself whatsoever.

“No, hey, no. Stay with me, y/n, don’t close your eyes.”

You could barely keep your eyes open anymore. “I waited for you to wake up. I’ve been waiting. I’m so tired, Poe..”

“I know you are, baby. Just hang in there for a little while longer for me, okay?”

You looked up at him slowly, sending him the biggest smile you could muster with what little energy you had, which wasn’t much, before losing your battle against consciousness. Poe’s pleas to you grew quiet as you drifted off.

—

When the pressure on your wrists and ankles was released, you fell forward. Instead of hitting the ground, you were met with a sweaty chest. Arms were wrapped around you, and you were gently flipped on your back.

You opened your eyes, connecting them with your favorite set of chocolate orbs. You didn’t like the sheer panic held in them, but you didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. He held you against him, brushing the hair from your face.

“Y/n, baby?”

You pressed your head into his chest, relishing in his warm embrace for the first time in far too long. His hands shook as he moved them underneath you.

“I’m gonna get us out of here. I’m gonna get you home.” He brought you up against him, carefully hoisting you up. A quiet wince from you drew out a thousand apologies from Poe, but he knew he didn’t have much time to escape, so he pulled you up quickly. He turned and spoke to someone you didn’t recognize, but you were too tired to investigate.

You just let your head loll against his chest, closing your eyes once more in exhaustion.

He cut the brakes and the ship began to move. He steadied your hands on the yoke, pointing the nose of the ship down and then up, and then his foot found yours on the pedal and pressed down lightly, giving more power to the repulsors, and the ship began to move.

“It’s amazing,” you replied, feeling as if the very ship was alive beneath you. You could see how Poe had fallen in love with this feeling.

Poe never replied, but he didn’t need to, for you both understood all that was unsaid between you. Poe’s fingers laced with yours to give him more control of the ship but you didn’t mind, for it meant his skin was pressed against yours all the more tightly.

“This is how my mom taught me, you know.” his voice was soft, meek, empty of his usual confidence.

“Really?” you prompted him to go on by leaning back against his chest, somewhat resting your head on his shoulder.

Poe smiled, squeezing both your hands and the yoke. “She’d take me up in her RZ-1 A-wing on Yavin, after the Battle of Endor, and we’d just- soar. It felt like- it felt like- like I was free.” he paused. “I fell in love with flying, then, and I still love it now.”

“That’s beautiful.” you were quiet for a long moment, watching the world go by.  “Were you and your mother- close?”

“Very.” Poe’s hands came off of yours for a minute and you flew solo, shoulders stiffening. You felt the pressure against your back as he found something on his chest beneath his flight suit. “I still wear her wedding ring around my neck- I’m supposed to give it to whoever I marry.”

You smiled to yourself. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic, Dameron.”

“Of course you did.” his hands found yours again and he nuzzled his nose into the crook of your neck, placing a soft kiss there. “Why do you think I’m giving you flying lessons?”

You felt your chest tighten slightly and you stiffened against him.

“Steady, now.” Poe caught your gaze in your reflections on the glass and gave you a reassuring smile. “I’m going to let go now. Okay?”

You hesitated, but the sparkle in his eye, the huge, hopeful grin he sported made you nod. Poe let go of your hands and chose to wrap his hands around your waist, instead, pulling you closer to him.

“You’re doing great,” he insisted softly, squeezing your waist gently. “I was much worse when I first started.” after a pause, Poe chuckled. “I mean, I was, like, eight, but-”

You rolled your eyes, making the ship swerve ever-so-slightly. “Shut up, Dameron.”

“Flying now, banter later.” Poe tucked his head into the crook of your neck, turning his head so that his nose brushed your neck. “Remember my life is in your hands, Y/L/N.”

“Can’t have the Resistance’s best pilot killed on my watch,” you muttered distractedly. How could he expect you to fly well when he was so close? Part of you cursed the X-wing for being so tiny, but another part thanked it.

“That’s right. Alright, Y/L/N, my turn.”

Poe took full control, guiding the X-wing back down in a perfect, smooth landing. You slowly, feeling a bit sick, stood up.

“We’ll have to do this again, Dameron.” you smiled carefully, tucking his stray curls back behind his ear.

“You can’t do this.”

Y/N didn’t spare him a glance as she shoved the broken doors of her X-wing open and squeezed through the tiny slit she’d created. “This isn’t up to you.”

“Y/N, this is a suicide mission! Vox knows how to fly. He can get away, and he can destroy your little ship with the click of a button.”

“I thought you believed in me,” she said suddenly, turning to look at him through the crack in her X-wing. “You used to say I was the, what, ‘second best pilot in the Resistance,’ right?”

Poe stared at her in disbelief. “That was before you tried to throw your life away over some stupid traitor. He doesn’t matter, Y/N, you need to stay here. The Resistance is on lockdown until-”

“Until we flee.” she paused, knowing how to hit him hardest. “Until we get in the tiniest little transports we can find with just the clothes on our backs and what we can fit in the storage units and fly off to a new place, barely surviving. Until we run. We’ll lose everything, Dameron, how can you be okay with this?”

“My first duty is to-”

“The Resistance,” she finished, eyes cold. “I thought you were better, Dameron. I thought breaking rules for justice, for the greater good, was your thing. I thought you would have dropped everything at the slightest notion that something was wrong just to save one person.” Y/N bit her lip. “Well, this is more than one person, Dameron. This is all of us. I thought you cared about everyone more than yourself, and that’s what I admired in you.” She looked him up and down, her lips pursed. “I guess I was wrong about you, too.”

Poe felt a pain in his chest like someone had shot him, but this was worse. He’d been shot before. This was new, this was something, somehow, worse, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He turned his head away, deciding to try something new. “I know Vox hurt you. He hurt us all. Don’t you dare compare me to him.”

“A traitor’s a traitor,” she murmured, settling down in the cockpit chair. Poe could barely see her through the tiny crack in the door.

“You didn’t know Vox like I did,” Poe said, wincing at how angry he sounded. “He always showed signs, this wasn’t a surprise. He doesn’t know much. It’s not worth it to go after him.”

“He’s a hacker. I knew him, he was my mechanic for a while.” Y/N looked down at her console, unable to face Poe. She wiped at a stray tear in her eye, wanting to hide her weakness for the traitor as long as she could. “He could enter First Order systems like nobody’s business, but nobody ever used him. He could have hacked us easily. There’s no way we’ll be safe if he gets that information to the First Order.”

The words hit Poe and numbed him, leaving him slack-jawed and wide-eyed at the entrance to her X-wing. Before he could work out anything, she had taken off, leaving him in the fog of her ship.

His commlink buzzed against his waist and a voice came out of it.

“Commander Dameron, we are unable to get a signal to the undocumented ship that just left. General Organa requests your presence immediately.”

Poe watched her X-wing leave for a moment more, just a speck against the galaxy before he realized where his loyalties really lay. With a smile, he shut off his communicator and began to walk back to the base- if Y/N was going to go out there, he had to keep her safe.

…

As Poe hovered over the console, waiting for something, anything, waiting for something but not quite knowing what, a million thoughts raced through his head. Whether she was okay, whether she had found the traitor or not. Whether she would forgive him when she came home.

“Commander Dameron!” someone shouted, and Poe glanced over his shoulder. When he heard her voice, coming muffled from the speaker in their console, he ran over, not caring what he knocked down in his path.

Poe slammed his hand on the microphone button. “Commander, Commander Y/L/N. Are you there?”

“I’m here,” Y/N’s staticky voice emerged once more. He heard the sound of war, of screaming ships and blaster shots flying and her heavy breathing. “I’ve got him.”

“Commander, be careful.” Poe bit his lip, looking at the floor. “Get Vox and get out of there. Nothing risky. Your life is more important.”

“Sure thing, Dameron,” she teased, and at her light, joking tone, he knew he was forgiven. He relaxed somewhat, letting his shoulders fall, and exhaled. When he heard her scream, he paled.

“Commander? Commander, are you still with us?”

There was a long pause as her microphone went out before she returned.

“Still here. I’ve got him- I just need to-”

The microphone went out just more, leaving the members of the Resistance stiff and worried. Poe stared at the console for a long moment before he slowly backed away.

“She’ll be fine,” he called to the room, though it was more for his own comfort. “No need to worry.”

After what felt like hours of Poe standing there, eyes closed, chewing on his lip, her voice finally returned. Now, though, he heard the peaceful sounds of an empty galaxy and a faint whistle.

“Commander?”

“I got him,” she said. From the tone of her voice, Poe could imagine the easy grin on her face. He let out a laugh as his tension melted away, and one Lieutenant clapped him on the back as they cheered. “There’s a slight problem though- nothing serious, nothing I can’t fix.”

The microphone went out once more.

“Commander Dameron?” Lieutenant Connix glanced at him, her eyes filled with worry. “Do you think she’s alright?”

Poe paused. “Of course. She wouldn’t lie to us, I’m sure she’s fine.” When Y/N’s voice returned, it was fuzzier than ever before.

“Dameron!” her voice was panicked, filled with fear.

“Commander, we’re right here.” “I’m crashing. Vox busted my ship too badly, it’s going down, some planet in the Outer Rim.”

Poe tried to stay calm. “Y/N, we have your coordinates right here. Can we get ships over there in time?”

“It’s not worth it.” there was a pause. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Don’t give up now, Y/N-” he couldn’t help the way hysteria was creeping into his tone. “Don’t give up.”  

He heard her hiss. “Damnit. Dameron, there’s no hope. I need to tell you something.”

“Don’t- don’t talk like that-” Poe rubbed at his eyes furiously, not wanting to fall apart in front of his friends and colleagues. “You’ll be fine.”

“I won’t. Listen to me.” she paused, and he braced himself. “I love you, Dameron. I have for as long as I can remember. I’m sorry.”

Before he could reply, there was a scream and the commlink went out.

Poe stared at it for a long, pained moment of silence before he ducked his head down, holding back tears. He chewed his lip anxiously, a numbness creeping into his heart, cold and cruel. When he glanced up, it seemed as if everyone was frozen in place, staring at him.

“Don’t look at me,” he muttered bitterly, beginning to leave the room. “I’m going to sleep.”

…

The next morning was peaceful, calm, a warm sense of sweet relief seemed to take over the Resistance base. Poe thought it was a disgrace to have such a lovely day when Y/N wasn’t by his side.

He barely managed to get himself out of bed. He hurried in the refresher, not bothering to clean up, and threw on the first outfit he saw. He clipped his commlink onto his belt and pushed a blaster next to it, leaving his flight suit behind. Today wasn’t the kind of day for flying.

A part of him wondered whether he’d ever fly again.

He entered the bridge, finding people laughing, talking, the bubbly, energetic feeling of the room creating an atmosphere so foreign and strange to Poe. They froze when he entered, their eyes wide and filled with concern. He brushed past anyone who tried to speak to them, slumping in a corner, unfocused gaze trained on a random display.

Suddenly, someone began to shout.

“Unknown ship entering the planet!”

Poe perked up instantly, jumping off the wall and bounding over to the Lieutenant.

“What kind of ship? Are our scanners picking it up?”

She studied it, narrowing her eyes. “Unclear.”

A part of him wondered if it was her, hoped it was her, however unlikely it may be. He watched carefully as cameras began to show the ship in detail.

“It’s an X-wing,” he murmured, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Looks pretty beat-up too. Stay on your guard.” Poe’s fingers danced over the keys in a rhythm so familiar to him until the camera zoomed in on the windows of the ship. His lips formed a thin line. “It- it looks like-”

“Commander Y/L/N,” someone spoke up.

And like that, Poe was gone. Before he even realized he was running, he found himself outside the base where the banged-up X-wing landed shakily on a concrete landing strip. He brightened, a smile coming to his lips as the door swung open, promptly falling off, and Y/N poked her head out, her eyes lighting up.

“Y/N?”

There was a pause. “Dameron?”

His mind, filled with confusion that fogged his brain, barely registered her running towards him before she crashed into his chest, clinging to him, and his arms wrapped around her instinctively.

“You’re alive,” he breathed, letting his eyes flutter closed. His fingers came up to tangle in her hair, pulling her closer still. “How can you be alive?”

“I knew how to survive a crash landing,” she whispered against his chest, smiling at her own accomplishments. “Thanks to a certain pilot teaching me a thing or two.”

Poe let out the tiniest laugh before he pulled back. “I- I love you too.”

And then his lips were on hers, her hands were looped around his neck and his hands came to rest on her waist once more, a perfect set of gears, moving in perfect synchronization.

“I love you,” Y/N told him when they separated.

Poe softened, smiling at her. “Never scare me like that again.”

She took his hand and he squeezed it, his thumb exploring the calluses and cuts running up and down her fingers. “No promises, Dameron.”

 He looked her up and down, squinting. “How hurt are you?” He took in the way her leg bent at the wrong angle, a large cut going through her shirt.

 “Not too injured. Some major stuff, I guess, but nothing we can’t fix.” Y/N smiled up at him. “Right?”