#daisyward

TW: emotional abuse, sexual assault, attempted rape

The last year has been rough. Like “too much to avoid it by way of escapism” rough. I’ve had to face realities about my family, about myself, and about my past.

But one thing really stands clear in my mind - I was sexually assaulted Thanksgiving weekend. After #MeToo, and no, it wasn’t a man.

It made me think about where this movement needs to go (acknowledging that women also assault people, disabled people also get are more likely to be sexually assaulted). It’s made me think of fandom and our role in it.

Largely, fandoms across the board put themselves on pedestals. They say they’re tolerant and loving and accepting to all. But that’s not always true.

I grew up in two worlds: an abusive household, and at Hogwarts. Snape and my abuser were both the same - they never raised a hand but instead used razor-sharp words to dig at Harry/me, who’d grown up being beaten and belittled, to make us feel small and unwanted. It’s been excused, both by fandom and by J.K. Rowling. And it isn’t okay.

As I got older, I found the Marvel universe and once again drew parallels to my life. Daisy, in Agents of SHIELD, who grew up largely alone, was a reflective surface for me. A way for me to better myself. When Ward threatened to rape Daisy, it upset me that there were fans of Daisy/Ward who excused or explained away behavior that left very little room for interpretation. Whatever room there was was used to say it wasn’t his fault. But then I was sexually assaulted, and I look back on it and I think about the excuses and I can’t help but feel betrayed by this fandom, this safe space I’ve called home for so long. My release.

because from what I understand, she never used to think of Ward that way. Maybe as wrong, delusional, dangerous, whatever, but not creepy.

and I personally don’t think he was.

so whatever.