Taiyo Daisuke was grateful for the cover of the night, because it hid away his emotions.
He was almost painfully aware of that slight heat in his face, the one heād been trying to tamp down for a good few minutes. Try as he might, that soft blush didnāt seem to leave. And he knew why.
A few feet away, Hino Okame lay asleep. The same man heād been so painfully in love with since⦠well⦠the beginning. Heād never felt something so sweet as love - no friendship could ever compare to it. And honestly, sometimes he loathed his noble position. Sometimes, he wished he could just love Okame without bounds of any kind.
But unfortunately, that wish would never come true.
Their futons were just close enough to be tantalizing, but far enough away to be painful - which only made the princeās longing grow. Daisuke wondered for a moment if the Kami had decided to test him with this - decided to test just how well he could handle himself. And if he was honest, he didnāt know how well that was.
He was floating in a sweet realm of drowsiness, one where the lines between reality and dreams were blurred, but that didnāt change a thing.
Especially not the fact that he wanted to pull Okame close and fall asleep in each otherās arms, entwined in each otherās embrace through the long expanse of the night. In particular here, in the cold night air of Hakumei Castle. In a land where the walls had eyes, and you always had someone watching you? He craved nothing more than to feel the steady warmth of Okameās body against his, peacefully asleep.
The distance between them felt like miles, and it was almost lonely, if you looked at it right. Surely Okame wouldn't ever feel the same way. He wouldnāt feel the same love that strangled Daisuke on a regular basis. He probably didnāt, and he likely never would.
But oh, how painful it was to want something you couldnāt have.
He felt himself slipping into sleep, the real world beginning to fade away into mere background noise. A dream played on the edges of his vision, one of the two of them together on a bridge in the moonlight. Heād finally get to kiss Okame⦠even if it remained a sweet dream and nothing else.
And a sweet dream it would forever remain, because one-sided longing was the most painful love of them all. And mercy on him, the world knew just how to restrain a heart.
(First little piece of fanwriting you guys - hope it's as spectacular as some of you other beautiful people's!! Shadow of the Fox deserves more recognition so what better place to start?)
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NO SABEN COMO HE FANGIRLEADO CON ESTA ESCENA, LITERAL LES LLENE EL CHAT A MIS AMIGOS NO LECTORES CON AUDIOS Y MENSAJES, TENIA QUE FANGIRLEAR CON ALGUIEN ASI NO ME ENTENDIERAN XD
Whew, what a LONG, long oneshot! Iām still not done with Tatsumi, so hereās my take on reincarnated Tatsumiās life before he finds Yumeko. Guest starring the rest of the gang getting a second chance at happiness, have fun!
I have always been searching for something, for someone.
I donāt know what it is. I have a feeling that I should know, should remember, but I can never piece together more than the whisper in my heart, the sense of urgency pulsing through my veins. Sometimes I think I am this close to understanding. And then, at the last second, it slips from my grasp.
All I know is that, whatever it is, I will find it. I must.
After all, I know someone out there is waiting for me to make it.
---
They named me Tatsumi, like the hero who slayed the usurping fox in the Night of the Dragon.
It was, they tell me, my fatherās idea. I have never met my father; he fell in battle against the Hino shortly before my birth, but my grandmother says he always liked the story of the brave young shinobi who slayed a god alone. My mother originally wasnāt too fond of the name, worrying it would bring me bad luckāthe original Tatsumi was possessed by an oni, they say, and became half a demonābut after my fatherās passing she agreed to it to honor his wish and his memory.
As for me, I have mixed feelings about the name. On one hand, it feels rightāfeels like me, more like me than anything else about me, including my face. On the other hand, it reminds me of a story they wonāt let me hear in full detail until they decide Iām old enough, and I want to know, desperately want to know. Something tells me I should know already. Something tells me that, in some way or another, I was there too once.
The dreams start when Iām barely old enough to remember my own name and station. They are blurry; flickering; confusing. I can see the Harbinger, ancient and raging and huge as a tsunami wave. Then a sword in my hand, glowing purple with a presence I donāt understand. Then, suddenly, Iām flying through the air on a giant leaf, another presence beside me, but when I try to focus on it it seems to vanish.
My mother and brother exchange a confused glance when I tell them about the dream the next morning.Ā āIt was so scary,ā I conclude, huddling up in my yukata even though itās a warm summer day.Ā āWhat does it mean?ā
āI donāt know!ā Kousuke declares with absolute confidence, his eyes wide and shining.Ā āBut it sounds awesome! Why donāt I ever get dreams like that?ā
Smiling, my mother reaches over and ruffles my hair.Ā āIt doesnāt mean anything, my dear,ā she said.Ā āThe story about the Harbinger just got to you. Itās your overactive imagination, nothing more.ā
I try to tell myself itās true, but the dreams keep coming. Each feels realer than the last one, but none of them show me what I most want to know: the face of the person steering the giant leaf. I try to ask my mother, then my grandmother. They all tell me the same thing: that itās only my fascination with the legend paired with the imagination of a child, and it should go away sooner or later.
But while itās true that I donāt always have these dreams, and they sometimes become less frequent, they never truly go away.
---
I am out with my brother, learning to fight with a sword, when I first see a shrine with foxes instead of komainu guarding the entrance.
āBig brother,ā I say, tugging at his sleeve,Ā āwhat is this shrine?ā
Kousuke pauses, following my pointed finger. He is thirteen now, growing taller every month, and Iāll be seven in a few weeks.Ā āThatās an Inari-sama shrine,ā he answers, sounding surprised by my question.Ā āItās a shrine to the kami of foxes.ā
I let out a gasp.Ā āWasnāt he killed?ā
Kousuke snorts.Ā āYouāre thinking of Seigetsu,ā he says.Ā āHe became a god for a few moments, but he wasnāt the kami of foxes, just a regular kitsune who got too powerful. The true kami of foxes is O-Inari-sama.ā
Kitsuneā¦
The fox statues look down at me, weathered and motionless, their stone eyes staring at nothing in particular. Something about them feels familiar, painfully familiar. I can almost picture the real, living thing: smooth red fur and golden eyes, black-tipped ears twitching attentively in my direction. I have never seen a fox in the flesh, and yetā¦I can almost feel the softness of their fur under my palm, like I have touched one before, like I haveā
āTatsumi?ā
I snap out of my thoughts. Looking around, I find that I have wandered halfway into the shrine.
āWhere are you going?ā Kousuke asks.Ā āWeāre supposed to be headed that way.ā
I say nothing and shake it off. But even as I follow my brother down the street, I canāt help looking over my shoulder at the kitsune statues until they vanish from sight.
---
The war with the Hino ended soon after my birth, but when I am twelve or thirteen, the situation tenses up again.
To smooth out the waves, my grandmother, the daimyo, goes to visit the Hino daimyo at his castle. She uses the opportunity to bring Kousuke and me along: to teach us about politics, she says. Mostly, I suspect, sheāll be teaching Kousuke. Heās the one who will be daimyo one day, and Iām only the backup.
Hino Masayuki is a gentle man, less belligerent than his late father who we were at war with when I was born. He seems just as unhappy with the border troubles as my grandmother is, and he greets us all with kindness. But after a warm welcome, Iām quickly left to my own devices. Just as I guessed, the adults think Iām too young to participate in diplomacy yet.
After being shown my quarters, I roam around the castle. It feels completely unfamiliar. The thought has never occurred to me before, but at home I never had to learn how to navigate the building; from the earliest childhood Iāve known Hakumei Castle like the back of my hand, almost as if I had lived there before. But the Hino castle is new to me, truly unfamiliar in a way nothing else has ever been, and I donāt know what to make of it.
As usual whenever my thoughts get too heavy, I seek solitude. There are a few large trees behind the castle, looking out on fields and the forest beyond. Itās quiet here, the noise of the city muffled and distant. My only company are a few birds.
No foxes, I think, disappointed without any logical reason.
Looking around, I make sure that no one can stop me or scold me, then I start climbing one of the trees. Itās something that has always come easily for me; for some reason my head feels clearer up high where Iām by myself and can see further and wider than I normally should.
āThere he is! Oi, Kage-san!ā
That voiceā¦
A memory stirs, but before I can grasp it itās gone once more. Footsteps rustle through the grass, and moments later a figure comes to stand at the roots of my tree.
Itās a boy, I note, about sixteen or seventeenācloser in age to my brother than me, but not quite an adult yet. Heās dressed in clean but simple clothes, but his ponytail is messy, strands of hair falling untamed into his narrow face, reddish brown like it sometimes shows up among the Hino. His face is familiar, and yet not. I feel like Iāve seen him beforeāspoken to him before, even though I have never come close to Fire Clan territory before.
āKage-san,ā he says, huffing and puffing from the sprint,Ā āIāve been looking for you everywhere! Couldnāt you have told someone you were planning to hide in one of the trees?ā
I bow my head.Ā āIām sorry,ā I say, remembering my manners.Ā āI was looking for some solitude. I didnāt know someone was looking for me.ā
āSo stiff. As expected from the daimyoās grandson.ā Grabbing a branch, the boy expertly begins to pull himself up.Ā āNo oneās looking for you,ā he adds.Ā āThey just assigned me to keep you company, so I figured Iād introduce myself. Look after the child, Natsume, they said. Youāre so good with kids.ā He snorts.Ā āIād bet my last copper kaeru they just wanted to keep me away from the grownups before I piss off the wrong person and accidentally start a war.ā
Heāsā¦so informal, I think. My family would never suffer me to talk to a stranger like that, let alone someone who is presumably far above my station. All the same, I find that it doesnāt bother me. Part of me has always felt like I donāt belong with the nobility.
āWho are you?ā I ask.
Sitting down on the branch next to mine, the boy grins.Ā āRight, I should introduce myself,ā he says sheepishly.Ā āIām Hino Natsume. Officially Iām a samurai, but Iām more of an errand boy these days.ā
Natsume. The face I remember had another name tied to it, a similar name. What was it? I canāt remember.
āMy name is Kage Tatsumi,ā I introduce myself, just like Iāve been taught.Ā āSecond grandson of Kage Haruko, the Shadow Clan daimyo.ā
āTatsumi, eh? Canāt believe the Kage named a noble after a lowly shinobi.ā Natsume dangles his legs.Ā āStill, at least your clan had a warrior in that battle. All we got was some useless ronin dog.ā
The phrase feels familiar, so familiar that, just for a second, the boyās other name lies on the tip of my tongue.Ā āHe was a hero too,ā I reply, not realizing what Iām saying until after Iāve spoken.
Hino Natsume stares at me like he has seen a ghost, then he bursts out laughing.Ā āDonāt force yourself, Kage-san,ā he says.Ā āHe was a coward who ran away from his friends and family. He was dead to our clan, but now that he fought against Genno and helped defeat an oni heās suddenly one of our heroes again. If it were up to me, Iād have let him stay dead.ā
I furrow my brow.Ā āWhy?ā I ask.
āItās hypocritical. If you mess up youāre not part of the clan anymore, but do something great and youāve always been one of us. Not that it helped the old guy,ā Natsume adds with a shrug and a wry smirk.Ā āAt that point in time he was pretty busy being dead.ā
Fought against Gennoā¦Gennoā¦an oniā¦
A wounded ronin, nocking an arrow to his bowstring. A demon, a smirk, a gruff voice telling me to go onā¦go on withā¦withā¦
Who was it again?
The memory slips. I blink, and suddenly Iām back in the present. Hino Natsume is still sitting across from me, a lopsided smirk on his face that now feels more familiar than anything Iāve ever seen, even at homeāso painfully familiar that even the faces of my mother and brother pale in comparison.
Is it a coincidence? Or is this my soul recognizing a companion, an old friend? I canāt say. If Natsume feels the same strange sensation, he isnāt letting it show.
āWhat do you know about the Night of the Dragon?ā I ask him, wondering if that will get any explanations out of him.
But Natsume only shrugs.Ā āThe same thing as everyone else, I guess,ā he replies.Ā āThereās a million versions of the story by now, anyway. Everyone tries to make their clan look as good as possible.ā
Before I can process his response, Natsume brushes it off and starts climbing off his branch.Ā āBut letās talk about something more interesting,ā he says, and the strange sensation fades.Ā āYou like climbing trees, huh? I think I know the best place for that.ā
---
A shadow creeps through my dreams, pitch-black and so enormous I canāt seem to see the end. Heavy footsteps shake the ground with each stride, hands large as boulders carrying an enormous sword that glows a cold, ghostly purple.
What are you doing, Tatsumi?
I want to respond, but my tongue is tied. Some part of my soul resonates with the deep, rumbling voice. It feels like being reunited with a very old friend, except thereās an underlying terror that I cannot seem to shake.
Is this what happened to the kid who wielded the Godslayer? The voice scoffs. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I could invade your soul so easily now, you know.
The shadow bends down, down, down. Then suddenly Iām looking at a white-fanged face with brightly glowing yellow eyes.
Without knowing what Iām doing, I reach out my hand.
And wake up.
Some part of me has just fallen into place, but I have no idea how to put it into words.
---
Under Hino Masayuki, the relationship between the Shadow and Fire Clans improves drastically. Sometimes we visit the Hino, and sometimes they visit us; and each time I spend as much time with Natsume as I can. Little by little the memories with the actual person begin to overlay the strange sensation, but the familiarity never fades. Hino Natsume is my friend, but he also feels like a part of the past I have lost, a key to the memory Iāve been looking for all my life.
When Iām sixteen years old, we all meet in Kin Heigen Toshi for the first time: my family and I are invited guests, and Natsume is part of the Hino household traveling with Masayuki-sama. I have no trouble navigating the city. Unlike the Hino castle, it doesnāt feel unfamiliar to me, and once again I find myself searching the streets for something I donāt remember.
āThis is weird,ā Natsume tells me in an undertone as we walk through the streets, sightseeing with no particular goal in mind.Ā āI know I havenāt been here before, but I swear Iāve seen these streets before.ā
My heart lurches. For a second all my questions lie right there on the tip of my tongue, and all I need to do is speak them out. Then I decide against it. If my family hasnāt taken them seriously, why should he?
āMe too,ā I admit and then pause.Ā āThat shrineā¦ā
Natsume follows my gaze and blinks. For a second his eyes glaze over, then he shakes himself.Ā āItās just a shrine,ā he says.Ā āWeāve passed one of those just earlier, so why does thisā¦ā He trails off, then stabs a hand through his hair.Ā āCall me crazy, but it feels like home.ā
To him too.
The shrine door opens, and a miko steps outside with a broom to sweep the front porch. Her eyes briefly meet with ours, but thereās no spark of recognition: not in her gaze, and not in my chest.
āMaybe our imagination,ā I say, even as another image flickers on and off in my head: a miko with a giant komainu beside her, holding up a paper ofuda.Ā āLetās keep going.ā
---
Neither Natsume nor I have ever seen anyone from the Sun Clan until the night of the Moon Viewing Party.
I donāt like standing in the middle of the crowd. Iām used to it, but somehow my instincts keep whispering to search for the shadows, hide in the dark and observe the scene from a distance. Talking to strangers gets exhausting after some time. I stay polite, but as soon as I find an excuse I slip away from the chatter and find myself in the shadow of a tree with Natsume at my side.
āThere you are, Kage-san,ā he says.Ā āGood timing. I was just wondering where to get some sake.ā
I squirm at the idea of getting drunk; something about losing control of myself feels more dangerous than it probably should.Ā āWe shouldnāt drink too much,ā I warn him.
āCome on, itās the Moon Viewing Party! With the best booze you can find in all of Iwagoto!ā Natsume loops a playful arm around my shoulders.Ā āYou should learn to let loose a little, Kage-sanāā
His voice trails off mid-sentence. His eyes grow wider and wider, fixed on some point in the distance, yet not too far away.
Following his gaze, my eyes land on a group of silver-haired Taiyo nobles. At first I donāt understand what it is that heās seen. And then one of them turns, and it hits me at once.
Natsume staggers back, looking like someone whose very world has been swept from underneath his feet. But before he can collect himself, before he can react, the Taiyo noble leaves his group and strides over to approach us.
āHonored guests,ā he says,Ā āI donāt believe I have greeted you before. Allow me to introduce myself.ā He bows slightly.Ā āMy name is Taiyo Mikoto, may I ask who you are?ā
Natsume is still frozen in place, so I take over for him.Ā āMy name is Kage Tatsumi, grandson of Kage Haruko,ā I say.Ā āThis is Hino Natsume of the Fire Clan.ā
āKage-sanā¦Natsume-san.ā Taiyo Mikoto pauses, his eyes widening as he realizes his mistake.Ā āNo, Hino-san,ā he corrects himself.Ā āMy apologies. I donāt understand what possessed me.ā
āNaā¦Natsumeās fine.ā Little by little my friend returns back to normal.Ā āIām amazed you apologized at all,ā he adds, a smirk spreading over his face.Ā āEven if I got offended, itās not like I could show it without getting beheaded, right?ā
Mikoto cracks a smile.Ā āPerhaps you could,ā he says,Ā āif I stood up for you.ā
Snorting, Natsume crosses his arms, his face suspiciously red even in the dim light of the moon and lanterns.Ā āA golden Taiyo, sticking up for one of us puny mortals?ā he shoots back.Ā āWhat is the world coming to?ā
āBetter days, hopefully.ā Mikotoās smile doesnāt waver, though his eyes darken.Ā āAlthough,ā he continues, the dark look disappearing,Ā āIām not particularly high in rank. I would say Kage-san here outranks both of us.ā
I look down along myself, suddenly realizing he may well be right. The thought feels wrong. I regularly forget Iām a noble at all, no matter how well I know that Iām the daimyoās grandson. Outranking a Taiyo shouldnāt feel this strangeāthere are plenty of minor nobles among them tooābut for some reason it feels wrong to outrank this particular one.
āDoes he?ā Natsume remarks at my side, clearly just as puzzled by the concept.Ā āRight, I keep forgetting heās second in line for a daimyo position! You should step up your game, Kage-san,ā he adds, smirking.Ā āIf you donāt start acting like a stuck-up princeling soon, people might actually like you.ā
The moon rises higher and higher in the sky. Everything about this image feels familiar: the full moon, the lanterns, the lush gardens and the glimmering palace beyond. Two young men at my side, a Hino and a Taiyo, who both feel like old friends even though Iāve only known one of them for a few moments.
In the crowd, a glimpse of red onmyoji robes flashes between the samurai and nobles.
Sheās here!
My body moves before I can question the thought. Excusing myself from my friends, I throw myself into the crowd and run after the red robes. Dream and reality start overlapping. Onmyoji robes, a voice in my head keeps whispering. She was wearing onmyoji robes the last time we came here.
The last time? Tatsumi, youāve never been here.
Andā¦who isĀ āsheā?
Slowing my steps, I falter, turning right and left in the middle of the crowd. I canāt see my friends anymore. Where my family went, I donāt know. The figures standing around me, shooting me questioning glances, are all complete strangers.
The illusion fades. What have I done? Of course the faceless figure from my dreams wouldnāt randomly show up hereā¦and yet, at the slightest chance, I forgot everything and ran off blindly. Nothing will harm me at the Emperorās partyābut what if this had happened in a more dangerous place? Would I have done the same?
Just as my thoughts start swirling, I glimpse the red robes again. This time I have to know: not because I think Iāve found the person from my dreams, but because I need to see who they belong to. Determined not to let them out of my eyes again, I follow, weaving my way through the crowd until I catch up to a young dark-haired woman who blinks in surprise when her eyes meet mine.
Recognition flashes, but she isnāt who Iām looking for. She feels more like Natsume or Mikoto: familiar like a long-lost friend, even though I know nothing about her.
āCan I help you?ā she asks.
Before I can piece together an answer, thereās a patter of footsteps, and moments later Mikoto and Natsume come hurrying up to my side.Ā āKage-san, whatās gotten into you?ā Natsume asks.Ā āYouāre not usually the type to just run off without warning!ā
āWhatever it was,ā Mikoto answers, āit appears he has bumped into Ritsuka-san.ā
I look back and forth between them.Ā āYou know each other?ā
āHave for a few years,ā the onmyoji replies bluntly.Ā āIām training to be an onmyoji in the capital, and he happens to know my master.ā
I bow to her, my thoughts swirling frantically in my head. The four of us are together again, my soul keeps whispering: reunited, after what, I canāt remember. And yet, one more is missing. The fifth member of our party, the nameless, faceless girl from my dreams that I now know wore red onmyoji robes.
So far, all of us have found each other again. Natsume and I found each other, and Mikoto and Ritsuka, and now the four of us are all together once more. All thatās missing is her. Could there be a chance, however small, that one of them knows who she is? Could there be a chance that she came here tonight like the rest of us?
Should I finally ask?
Itās just your imagination.
My soul tells me it isnāt. Itās more than that. The problem is that I donāt know what it is, canāt explain it, not even to myself. But who else will listen? Who will understand?
I decide not to mention it for now.
---
My dreams are haunted by red onmyoji robes, similar but not identical to the ones Ritsuka wore at the party.
A girl dances weightlessly in the moonlight, barefoot on the grass, then inside a half-lit room. Then suddenly her robes are dirtied and torn, and a cold wind whips violently at the fabric, cutting off the words she says and tearing them into unintelligible shreds. I canāt remember her voice. I still canāt see her face. The only thing I can remember clearly are the robes, bright red and vibrant in a world full of gray, real and tangible where everything else is a blur of shadows and mist.
Then suddenly sheās kneeling at the foot of a cliff, and I cup her face in her hands and kiss her. There are tears on her cheeks, but I still canāt make out her features. I try to feel for them, but my own hands are transparent, and her cheek simply passes through them like they arenāt there.
I know I say something to her, but after I wake up, the only thing I remember is one single sentence.
I will find you.
---
Taiyo Mikoto insists on guiding Natsume and me around the city for the rest of our stay, and whenever she can, Ritsuka goes out of her way to join us.
At first, all we do is sightsee. Then, little by little, our explorations go off the rails. The spontaneous fishing trip in the river, while ruining our good clothes and giving us a lot to explain later, is still fairly harmless. The undercover visit to the shady parts of town, largely instigated by Natsume, miraculously ends with none of us stabbed, kidnapped, or even recognized for who we are. The climb to the rooftop of Mikotoās home turns out to be a little more stupid, but thankfully Ritsuka finds us trapped up there and is able to call for help.
Natsume and Mikoto are growing closer and closer. I donāt think they realize how obvious theyāre being; or maybe they donāt care. But I donāt miss the long gazes they share, the way they stand so close their arms brush together, the way Mikoto will look for any excuse to touch Natsume or the way Natsume laughs when talking to Mikoto. Abruptly I find myself wondering about love too. Iāve never been in love; at least, I donāt think I have. Neither women nor men are particularly interesting to me, not in that way. No matter how beautiful the person in front of me, something always seems to be missing.
Maybe, I muse, because they all arenāt her.
Two days before our departure, the four of us find ourselves in the garden that belongs to our lodgings, sitting on the grass with the mochi Natsume stole from the pantry. The others talk and talkāthough, to be fair, itās mostly Natsume and Mikoto talking, with the occasional comment from Ritsuka.
āYou know whatās missing?ā Natsume remarks as the sun begins to set.Ā āA good bottle of sake. Anyone else need a drink?ā
āNo, thanks,ā Ritsuka and I say in unison.
āI suppose Iāll have a drink or two,ā Mikoto replies.Ā āHowever, where are we supposed to get sake?ā
Natsume smirks.
āItās easy,ā he says.Ā āAll we need to do is break into the pantry again. Anyone coming with me, or do I do the stealing alone?ā
āStealing? Donāt be ridiculous!ā Ritsuka jumps to her feet.Ā āAre you asking to get in trouble right at the end of your stay?ā
āIām not joining either,ā I say.Ā āAnd you should be careful.ā
āNot? Cāmon, Kage-san, it sounds like a fun adventure! Whatās the worst that could happen?ā
āThatās what you said before we got stuck on the roof.ā
āThat was one time!ā
Chuckling, Mikoto rises to his feet.Ā āI shall accompany you, Natsume-san,ā he says.Ā āThat way you wonāt feel as alone.ā
āA Taiyo who helps me steal from the pantry? Youād be disowned if your family knew,ā Natsume jokes back.Ā āAre you sure thatās worth it?ā
Mikoto waves a dismissive hand.Ā āI can talk my way out of it,ā he says. And then, sobering up, he adds,Ā āBesides, your company is worth a little trouble.ā
Natsume blushes and mutters something unintelligible. Side by side the two of them disappear into the building.
And stay gone for a very, very, very long time.
āIām going to check on them,ā I say at last, getting up to follow them.Ā āMaybe they got in trouble.ā
Striding through our guesthouse, I find my way to the pantry. At the door, I pause. There are muffled voices coming from inside: Natsumeās and Mikotoās, I find with both confusion and relief. What on earth is taking them so long?
āYour company is truly enjoyable, Natsume-san,ā Mikoto is saying as my hand rests lightly against the door.Ā āItās a shame that you must leave so soon; I shall miss you.ā
āHey, right back at you,ā Natsume retorts.Ā āLife will be pretty boring back home without you, Peacock.ā
Thereās a startled beat of silence, then they both gasp at the same time.Ā āWait,ā Natsume splutters.Ā āI didnāt meanāā
āNatsume-san,ā Mikoto interrupts him, his ever-calm voice shaken and agitated,Ā āwe have known each other before, havenāt we?ā
Another silence. When Natsume replies, his voice is so quiet I barely catch it.Ā āWhat are you talking about?ā
āThis may sound ridiculous,ā Mikoto continues.Ā āWe have known each other for mere weeks, but the first time I saw you, I knew you like I know myself. Tell me, Natsume-sanādoes your soul not recognize mine the way my soul did yours?ā
Natsume sighs.Ā āOf course it does, Peacock,ā he admits.Ā āWhen I first saw you, I felt the same. But Iā¦what am I supposed to do about it? Iām leaving in two days. And youāre a Taiyo, and Iāmā¦ā He trails off, and when he continues, he sounds surprised by his own words.Ā āIāmā¦a samurai,ā he says.Ā āI have honor. And if I can be friends with Kage-san, whoās ranking higher than youā¦ā
He falls silent. Sighs again.
āThen you can love me,ā Mikoto softly completes the sentence,Ā ācanāt you?ā
Natsumeās voice comes out raspy.Ā āMikoto-sanā¦ā
Stepping away from the door, I start to turn around and sneak away. On one hand, these two deserve their privacy. On the other hand, Iām still hung up on their words.
They have these feelings too. Their souls recognized each other too. And that meansā¦
That means that maybe, just maybe, they will understand.
Ritsuka gives me a questioning look when I return without the others, and I avoid her gaze as I sit back down.Ā āTheyāre fine,ā I say.Ā āTheyāll be back soon.ā
She raises her eyebrows into a knowing look.Ā āAh. Took them long enough.ā
When the two finally make their way back to us, both their faces are flushed, even though theyāre clearly sober. But they have somehow succeeded at nicking three whole bottles of sake, which they both look almost comically smug about.
As Natsume sets down the bottles, I take a deep breath.
āYou three,ā I say,Ā āI need to tell you something.ā
---
āI see,ā Ritsuka says when I conclude my explanation.Ā āSo in short, youāre looking for a lover from a past life that you promised to find again.ā
My heart skips a beat.Ā āYou donāt think itās my imagination?ā
āIt sounds too long-running for simple imagination,ā Ritsuka retorts.Ā āAnd youāve had it consistently since childhood. You donāt seem like the type to follow a simple daydream that far.ā
Inside my chest, my soul is leaping and singing. Finally, finally, someone understands.Ā āWhat else can you make of it?ā I ask.
āIt all comes back to the Night of the Dragon,ā Mikoto muses.Ā āTo me it sounds like you fell in the battle there and left your lover behind. Do you have any clues for where to look for her?ā
I look down.Ā āThe Night of the Dragon,ā I say quietly.Ā āThe Tsuki Islandsā¦maybe sheās still there. All I know is that she must still be alive.ā
I stop in my tracks. Where did that knowledge come from? It was never there before.
āStill?ā Ritsuka bursts out.Ā āAfter almost a century?ā
āWhat is your girlfriend,ā Natsume jokes,Ā āa yokai or something?ā
I think of the Inari-sama shrineā¦the fox statuesā¦the familiarity.
āMaybe,ā I muse,Ā āsheās kitsune.ā
And suddenly I have a lead.
---
The years pass by. Iām more immersed in my responsibilities now, but whenever I can, I search for news of a kitsune who fought in the Night of the Dragon. Information is scarce. There are a few myths of a wandering fox, but theyāre all decades old, and that kitsune hasnāt been seen again since. Otherwise, there is no information. My friends help me search however they can, but they can find no helpful hints either.
Then, suddenly, my grandmother receives an invitation to the Tsuki Islands, and I instantly sense my chance.
āWe should go,ā I urge her over and over.Ā āWho knows when youāll get another chance to visit Moon Clan territory.ā
āIndeed,ā she replies.Ā āI havenāt seen the daimyo in a few decades. Iām amazed sheās still ruling.ā
I want to ask her what that means, but I leave the matter be. If the Tsuki daimyo has ruled for a while, then maybe she knows the kitsune Iām looking for. Maybe she has the answer to all my questions.
As soon as weāve been shown our quarters, I excuse myself and hurry out. Out of the palace, through the city, into the streets that have already been decorated for the festival celebrating the one hundredth anniversary of the Night of the Dragon. My feet carry me all the way to the cliffs of Ryugake, but she isnāt there. The place holds no answer beyond a familiarity so intense that it almost brings tears to my eyes.
Evening falls. Frustrated, I make my way back to the town. Maybe sheāll be among the people celebrating, I muse. I barely dare to hope.
Endless lanterns float down the river, each bearing the names of those who fell in the battle against Jigoku. I watch them float, wondering if one of them is bearing my name, or those of my friendsā old identities.
And then I see her.
Across the river of light, I spot her, and all the missing pieces finally fall into place. All my dreams, all my blurry memories suddenly make sense. She is here, and my soul recognizes her, and it feels like Iāve never been gone.
I have always been searching for something, for someone.
And now here she is, finally within my reach.
Across the dark water, the floating lanterns, I meet her gaze and smile.
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He awoke with a start, breathing heavy. Tears pricked his eyes, and he saw the moonlight pouring over him. Not only him, but Okame, too. His lover lay asleep - alive and safe - in his arms, and he let tears of relief and terror spill from his eyes. His chest rose and fell with soft, gasping breaths, heart racing with fear.
āthe hellā¦?ā
Okame whispered, and Daisuke watched him snap awake. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, the ronin looked up at him, his lips parting as if to make a snarky comment.
But when his eyes caught on the tears covering the princeās face? No words came. Daisuke drew another shaky breath, watching Okameās eyes soften with concern.
āWhyāre you crying?ā His lover murmured softly, reaching up to brush away his tears. When the prince didnāt answer, choked by sobs, a wave of recognition flooded his eyes. āNightmare?ā
Daisuke nodded, trembling softly. Remembering the dream of Okame dying in his arms made him dizzy, sick to his stomach. He cried harder, even if the gentle touch of his lover grounded him in the fact that he was alive. He felt Okameās arms wrap around him, holding him as if he were something fragile. And, at this moment? He was.
āYou wanna talk about it?ā
The roninās voice was uncharacteristically soft, soothing his nightmare-plagued mind.
ā...you diedā¦ā Daisuke whispered weakly, voice catching on a sob. āYou died and I couldnāt save you and-ā
His spiral was quickly cut off by the gentle touch of Okameās lips against his. He drew a sharp breath, his loverās every touch full of infinite care. He felt a soft blush rise to his tear-stained cheeks, his mind reeling with the remains of the nightmare. Okameās kiss pacified his racing heart and kept him from losing himself further in the sorrow.
āWell, Iām here now, arenāt I?ā
He whispered when they broke away from the kiss, brushing a stray tear off Daisukeās cheek with a careful touch. The prince had never been more grateful than in that moment, with his lover beside him, holding him through the fear.
āIām not dead, and I donāt intend to be soonā¦ā Okameās lips brushed his forehead, his intense gaze reflecting the stars shining in the midnight sky. āIām right hereā¦ā
He held Daisuke closer, and the noble let himself melt into his arms, his pulse slowing.