#dagoth rambles

Well, first of all these articles would obviously be a lot darker and/ or ridiculous, if we replaced the word “man” with “black guy” or “jew” or “autist.” Just choose whatever minority you like in the quoted section below and it reveals itself as, at best, misguided and at worst bigoted hate speech. Just keep that in mind.

“But the socialization of men is such that even a good man – a supportive man, a respectful man, a trusted man – has within him the potential for violence and harm because these behaviors are normalized through patriarchy. “ - one of the two people that wrote this article, henceforth known as OOTTPTWTA.

But okay, the narrative is that men don’t suffer at all in society and women do and men should do some soul-searching so that women should feel less bad about their lives. So already in this narrative we have a problem if men hate their lives, if men hate how they can’t get along with women and/ or other men, lonely men, etc. Do they cancel out with happy women or do happy women not exist?

Anyway, on with the article, by the end of the first “reason why not all men is bullshit, because yes all men.” it says:  “You can’t see all the ways in which your maleness distorts the fabric of society, but we can. And if you want to help dismantle patriarchy, you have to make the choice to accept that a thing isn’t less real just because you haven’t seen it – or don’t believe yourself to have experienced it.” - Presumably the other person who wrote this, henceforth known as PTOPWWT 

This is like a religious text or some Kantian nonsense where we’re to take as article of faith that there is some bad quality about us that makes it so people are rendered unhappy and we have to confess our sins and then do 50 hail maries or whatever. It’s not like we tell little boys that they’re special and awesome and deserve the world. At least, that hasn’t been my experience. My experience is that boys are pretty bad at communicating and get told NO by their guardians and teachers. This article then seems to me as some preemptive strike against boys getting out of hand again when you can’t complain to their teachers or parents any more that they don’t respect your feelings.

Also, we keep telling men who are bad at communicating that they deserve to be lonely, they should develop better communication skills, BUT THAT IS REALLY DIFFICULT WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. And it’s not because you’re an asshole. I am an asshole and I have plenty of social contact with people. Your niceness doesn’t matter at all in this equation (okay, maybe a little bit) your social skills and your overall appearance, id est hygiene, manners, ease of conversation, confidence, how funny you are, etc are what determines how much social contact you have. You find this on pick-up artist websites too: “fool women into enjoying your company by being enjoyable company: here are ten tips.”

And now you’re telling these people to watch their words, let everyone else speak up first, accept that there is something inherently evil in themselves that is interwoven in society that you can only unlearn by placing yourself UNDER not EQUAL but UNDER everyone else. Anyway, the text goes on about how offering girls drinks is bad and offering your opinion to women is also bad and it sums it up like this:

Think about it: If you never unlearn the entitlement inherent in offering unsolicited compliments or talking over a woman, will you really stop there? -  OOTTPTWTA

Well, for one your article just made a false equivalency by declaring that offering your opinion = talking over a woman. For the other I get that cat calling is bad and that complimenting someone’s physique in se isn’t bad, but rather the entire context behind it. Id est, telling someone they have nice legs anonymously online is cheeky, telling someone they have nice legs at a bar with no concept of personal space is a bit threatening, especially when you’re on average half a foot taller and weigh 25 kilograms more.

However, offering a drink, positive comment on clothing at a respectable distance in a place where it is agreed upon that it’s okay to do these things, like a bar. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with feeling a little disappointed when you get rejected, which you acknowledge, but then we have to pay penance anyway and become like the Buddha. Stop feeling desires, stop expectations otherwise the specter of rape culture will visit upon you.

To a gender minority, there’s very little difference between the impact of inadvertent and intentional harm. A man who makes you feel unsafe by accident is as harmful to you as one who does it on purpose. - PTOPWWT

Literally about stepping on someone’s toes. “Stepping on someone’s toes and saying sorry” = “jumping on someone’s toes maliciously and running away.” This article again emphasises how big and scary and strong and uncaring men are. By virtue of being a man you are responsible for how women feel. This is essentially asking men to try and be less scary to women. and then it comes up with this gem:

Most of all, it’s a conscious decision to view every individual’s humanity as something exactly as valuable and inviolable as your own. -  OOTTPTWTA

Men don’t view themselves as inviolable. At least not all men. I know a bunch who don’t and I know myself. I’ve spent many years of my life thinking about how I was a waste of flesh and that all this garbage, all this offal should be cut out, pound by pound, organ by organ. Except you know, it’d be extremely painful and I’d die halfway before even getting to close to being done and God wouldn’t approve (I was weird and also an asshole). My humanity and body are completely disposable and it will always be to some degree. Other humans though? Sacred. I wouldn’t dream of saying or thinking any of the things I say or think about myself about anyone else. Trust me, no one’s ever corrected me on this. I corrected myself on this, because it was either that or dead.

When boys are sad, they don’t get told that the world owes them or that they’re awesome. They’re told to man up, quit whining, quit being a female dog, quit being emo. There’s people that have it way worse than you. Even if you can’t think of anyone around you who feels as fucked as you do, there are transgender, albino, black, jewish quadruple amputees in burkina faso with AIDS and shit.And if that doesn’t work, nobody wants to spend time around a whiny little bitch, so either you get up and find people you get along with or you lie down and stay the fuck down and die for all I care.

Anyway, I don’t have any learned male entitlement. I’m lucky in some ways to be male. I am stronger on average, I don’t get harassed on the streets or, well, not as much. I’ve had strangers fondle me, try to kiss me, shout at me, threaten violence at me, slam against me in public transportation etc, but you know, who hasn’t had some fucked up shit happen while out late and a hobo or gang of youngsters of low socio-economic status pass you by or at 7PM while at work behind the register? (I know, I know, that’s very classist and possibly racist) I haven’t been hospitalised ever over this shit, so you know, no harm no foul.

In short,

Because here’s the truth: Even when it’s not conscious, male entitlement is a choice – a choice to be uncritical, a choice to continue to passively benefit. And attempting to fight that entitlement is also a choice ­– one that has to be both conscious and ongoing. You’ve got to choose it every day, in every instance. - PTOPWWT

No, I reject your premise and substitute it with my own. We’re all fucked up creatures trying to live our lives. Each carries his own burden, until such they find someone willing to share. You don’t get to conjure up this idea of Original Sin in about half the population to act as mules for your own troubles. When you see Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, standing, blood running down his chest, knees buckling, arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders and he tells you: “No, no, I was born in privilege you see. This is the only way to fix it.”

So the first thing I want to consider is that gaming is a very young artistic medium. Even if we compare with films, also a relatively young medium, films are about 70 years older, if we consider films we (and by “we”, I mean “I”) remember today. Birth of a Nation was made in 1915, Nosferatu in 1922 and Battleship Potemkin was released in 1925. Very old films for which they charged admission were just static shots with a scene developing without sound. It was a very primitive affair and I assume most people would watch it only because they liked the novelty of it or that artists grasped their imagination. But how can films from the early 1900s compare to modern films with their sound and colour, computer generated and practical effects? It’s possible, I don’t deny it. It’s hard, though.

I personally enjoy black and white samurai movies. I liked the Seventh Seal, I liked Gone with the Wind and so on, but say you encounter a person who has never seen a film before in his life by some odd miracle, would you immediately watch those films with him, would you watch the Godfather with this person who’s never seen a film before? Would you give Marcel Proust’s “à la recherche du temps perdu” to someone who never read an entire novel before?

So I put it to you that gaming is very young and for most of its history had pretty severe technological constraints. I also put it to you that classics from a certain medium may not be appropriate gifts to someone who is not familiar with the medium. So what game would I give to the pope then if I decided I was to gift a game to the pope? Naturally, his Holiness’ time is very valuable, so I guess I can’t sit down with him for an hour or two. In this case it may be best to give the celebrated “Turn the Other Cheek” game as a symbolic gift.

It’s a bit nettly, isn’t it? Now, I put to us the question what gifts would we give the pope if it was other media we enjoy? I would give Tales of Saint-Petersburg by Nikolaj Gogol, if I were to give a book and I actually would give the Seventh Seal, if I were to give a movie, because both are works that have religious themes and themes of scrupulosity and I guess that’s something human we both have in common and can share. Also, they’re well made works.

Considering this, I might want to give the Archbishop of Rome Undertale, Portal or Bioshock: Infinite. Bioshock is far too violent and pretentious and rooted in old school shooter game design. Undertale is a bit archaic, but otherwise thematically very good and story-wise also very good. Portal is simple, short and really well made, but beyond that maybe not an appropriate gift. So, given that gaming is a very young medium and a very arcane medium for most people to get into, I think undertale works as a symbolic gift and portal as a more workable gift.

You can’t bring people back to life. You can’t make yourself not-rejected. You can’t make daddy love you. You can’t conjure connections or healthy relationships with people in one two three. You can’t suddenly start enjoying or attending to your duties and responsibility. You can’t make it so other people listen to you or respect you. Plenty of problems I could not conceivably solve and I’m (or I was at least) sure that’s the modus vivandi of most people, so why should I be difficult or mope or cry or fight things as those things only make them worse? Living is difficult and not grinning and bearing it makes it more difficult, because when you’re down, plenty of people can’t shoulder you and leave you or others kick you down to feel good about themselves. Later on, of course I found out some people are willing to shoulder you somewhat, but obviously for people to think you worthy of doing something like that you need to have done something that earned that devotion or trust or love.

And you can’t get that when you feel sorry about yourself or cry all the time, unless you find someone who finds you incredibly attractive when you do those things, but maybe that’s not a good relationship to be in, though I won’t judge.

So having determined for myself, I had adopted the strategy of invalidating me feeling bad about myself, which kinda worked all right, because I worked it out for myself that that is best. Well, I’m older now and smarter around people and about how I want my life to be, so I have changed considerably and I’ve also found out there’s a lot of people who hate the logic I described above and it pushed me into being somewhat mean against people who had it bad. “It’s your fault for being picked on! You act so aloof and distant.” or “man, I wonder how [someone who has one aspect of life better than me] can feel so awful about himself or need medication, since clearly I’m doing fine.” 

There’s also people that can’t grin and bear it or tough it or hate the logic I applied. It’s a bit of differing access needs but there’s also a bit of self-denial. But apparently most people don’t feel that way that I described. I’ll take that with a grain of salt. The thing that got me out of this mindset was when I could connect well with people and realised that it’s possible that I’m liked, even in that way. It’s possible that people want to hear what I say, read what I write. It’s possible to not be alone. It’s possible sometimes someone wants to have you over for tea and talk to you. It’s possible there’s a spring in your step, a song in your heart, courage to take initiative and create things. And my grim acceptance of live not being pleasant was a double-edged sword that gave me confidence and acceptance of reality, but it also prevented me from trying to improve things (even though a lot of these things couldn’t have been improved without someone telling me how or realising how to generally go about things.

And I’ve also been plenty ableist if that wasn’t already apparent, but to be fair, the world isn’t getting any kinder or forgiving when you don’t try to compensate for being different. The world shouldn’t be that way, but it is. It’s just that I didn’t think much about how hard it is to change yourself to fit in. That that is also suffering and that the suffering may outweigh inconveniencing others, even when counting the discomfort you give others on top of it. Though, I still believe it’s important to build people up so they stand for themselves, rather than coddle people, but one shouldn’t break people down either, since that’s just plain evil. I still maintain there’s always this state of nature that is isolating and people being subject to base needs like food, water, comfort, social contact and some people need to be able to stand grim circumstances to attain that and they sometimes won’t be able to change their circumstances, but they’ll still have to bear, because sometimes giving up and breaking is essentially a death sentence or at least a damn fine way of making things even more insurmountable and difficult.