#dadside

I may have not behaved myself in recent posts about my dad’s side of the family. That is against my dad’s teaching not to be like my second aunt on my mom’s side. However, let me make one thing clear. I have never looked down on my dad’s side. I always think that I am well-educated because of my privilege. 

My dad’s side deserves another post because of the way they behaved. Uneducated.

After the fight, which was almost fatal to my dad, the second-youngest uncle, the ninth uncle, the one who is living with my grandparents, sent my dad a text, saying how ‘thankful’ he was for my dad to ruin the family’s holiday. The last time I checked, my dad was the one who almost got murdered.

This uncle, from what I heard, was unemployed for most of his life. He was engaged in some youth gangster activity back in his college and got hit in the back of his head; thus, his behavior is not normal. He once hinted to me that he honestly thought that I should never date my current boyfriend because my boyfriend is not from the city. He kind of added me as a friend on Facebook to advise me (?!?!?). I felt disgusted. Of course, my parents’ relationship with that side of the family was still good at that time. I did not show my true feelings to him. I just ignored his request and his advice. Why should I take advice from a person who could care less about me? Who only appeared to laugh and taught me after 23 years of my life, after I graduated college and already had income on my own? Who is not successful with his personal romantic relationships? Not to say he suffers from some kind of undiagnosed mental illness. From what I observe, not what I heard from my parents, he does have some irregular behaviors, like speaking with a weird accent, and incoherently.

The uncle who hit my dad in the back acts as a medic who takes care of my grandparent’s medicine administering. He had no medical training yet was brave to take the job. Of course, I cannot blame him for not doing the job right, but the results are destructive. This uncle also tried to befriend me on Zalo, the Vietnamese most popular social web. Think WeChat. He said something literarily sounding but so stupid to read tbh. He said: “Hello bạn (WTF!!!). I saw you in the family group. May I ask who you are and can I send you a friend request?” Dude, Zalo has my name on my account. I was like I am under so much pressure that I can’t even deal with this. I just ignored him.

I ignored a lot of people from my dad’s side. At one point, I even blocked them because I do not want them to involve in my personal life bc how intrusive and unconstructive they have been.  My rude behavior was intentional. I hope my dad’s side learn that. My only connection to them is through my dad. After this incident, I am even more disgusted and disconnected from that side of the family.

Continue to that of my dad’s side of the family.

My dad’s side doesn’t care if my dad runs into any financial hardship, wholeheartedly against the idea of me getting all the education I could receive and making use of my dad (and mom) whenever they are wealthy. You may imagine that is the end of everything; however, they are even worse than that.

On the first day of the Lunar New Year, they misinterpreted my dad’s demand to see my grandma - his mother’s health as an accusation of my grandma’s faking her poor health. What they did after that is that they hit my dad on the head from the back, and then punched him hard in his face. TWICE.

My dad was unconscious for some time. The oldest uncle, who was not there soon enough to interfere, asked others why they hit my dad so hard. The third uncle, my most hated cousin’s father, told everyone that my dad tripped on the slippery way out. My oldest uncle did not content with that answer and started a verbal fight with my third uncle. My dad was so afraid of another face-off that he called all off and asked everyone, himself included, to go home.

On the way to the exit, my dad encountered my cousin, my third uncle’s son, who was about to smash anyone in the way, asking if anyone ‘insulted’ his father. My father said things like never mind or go home no one tried to harm your father or similar stuff. Everyone was dismissed.

However, according to my mom, the fight was even worse than that. So large that even the neighbors took notice of such a fight. One of those bypassers told my mom about the noisy stuff involving my dad.

Anyway, the point is that my uncles and aunt are so uncivilized to the point that I can call them under-educated. My third uncle’s family is an undeniable example. His daughter stabbed my back without me even interfering with her life. His son was so under-educated that dared to smash his uncle’s face for ‘insulted’ his dad. Don’t they realize the consequences of such actions? What if my dad fell unconscious? What if it was worse, that my dad was murdered by his very own family? I was overseas. My brother, too. During COVID. Wouldn’t my dad die without seeing his children because someone was bad-tempered?

My boyfriend and I always talk about how impulsive a certain population is in America. Can you imagine that they could kill a person/random people by the sogginess of the sandwich, or how aggressive one person’s driving is? There is no difference in this case. Reckless. Under-educated. Manipulative. Murderous.

I grew up in a very good household; however, while my mom’s side is quite misogynistic, my dad’s side is deeply anti-intellectual and opportunistic.

My dad’s side is so anti-intellectual that they consider studying is unnecessary, much to the point that they are so uncivilized. They always look to make money out of familial relationships, from siblings, from parents. They ditched my dad whenever he was out of money. They welcomed him with as wide arms as possible whenever he was doing well.

My dad was independent of his side of the family ever since he got married. Before that, he helped his side of the family financially. He once helped his aunt to migrate to the US. That family now lived in NC, not too far away from where I stay now. However, except for a few exchanges when I first stepped into the US, I hardly heard from them. While my boyfriend received snacks and gifts every now and then from his family, my distant relatives, who my dad helped when they were in need, are rarely in contact. I am not surprised. I just don’t care enough. I just acknowledge their ungratefulness like my mom always did.

Ever since he got married, my dad shifted his focus on this little family, to which my dad’s side was furious, so much so that they hated my mom for that. My mom is everything they hate. She wants me to have an intellectual life, or at least have a proper education. She wants separation from that large and dramatic family. That was why they would feel contented if anyone in my family failed. Indeed, they did when I dated my bf. 

When my brother was born 3 months premature, they didn’t even help a dime. They offered to help, symbolically, $33 out of thousands of dollars needed for my brother’s treatment. Another time, my brother was diagnosed with retina detachment, a condition that requires treatment from the leading ophthalmologist in the North. Yet, they did not even care about the financial resources that my parents had to pull to treat my brother. They were willing to receive every penny from my father for my grandmother’s treatment due to old age, although my dad had 8 other siblings who could help at that time.

This time, my brother made the dumb mistake of not studying seriously for the SAT or taking the scholarship application seriously. He’s so spoiled that he would do anything he wanted without considering my parents’ financial situation. So, we have been very frugal these last few years. 

My dad and mom recently fell out with my dad’s side of the family. I have 7 uncles and 1 aunt on that side. My dad’s sister is the one that commented on my dating life while I was in elementary and middle school (WTF!!!).

I have to say that I am secretly happy that they are not on terms with each other as I never like my dad’s side. Not that I hate them, I can never see myself hanging out with them, anti-intellectual, intrusive, and uncivilized people. And the most intrusive, most hated person on that side of the family is the cousin I am going to talk about.

She’s the second daughter of my third uncle, my father’s older brother. We hardly interacted with one another growing up. She worked near my office building back in 2015ish when I was already 23 for fuck’s sake. I just started to date my current bf back then. I and my bf once had breakfast once near our office. The rude cousin saw me hanging out with my boyfriend at the breakfast place. She didn’t greet me, but she followed me! And then she told my entire dad’s side of the family, including my dad, that I was dating a countryside, poor-looking boy. She deduced it from the old, nearly broken scooter my bf was riding then and its plate, which showed where he permanently resided. I resented her since then but was still very nice to her and her children. 

What kind of toxic cousin is that? She must have been happy inside, reasoning that as educated as I am, I was dating someone who is not from the city and look poor.   At that time, little did she and the rest of my dad’s side of the family know that my bf came from an intellectual and well-to-do family. Not even one person asked me about his background, what our plan was, or how happy I was! They just think that I should not date him bc he must be poor and is not from the city?!?!? I don’t want to say this but that was very uncivilized, nothing better than racism.

The cousin did not go to college. She is working for a government branch with little to a negligible amount of compensation. She married a guy who is from a very rural and baren part of the city. He did not go to college either. He is a blue-collar worker in a factory. From what I heard, it is not a safe working environment; thus, he made good money to support his three sons. They frequently visit and stay in my uncle’s place, which is more and more overcrowded.

While my bf and I can afford to live in America, pursue our doctoral degrees, and pay all our rents and bills duly, ALL of my cousins from my dad’s side still live with their parents and do not have proper careers. Now that I grew up, I cannot understand that a family of nearly 100 people, they do not encourage even one person to pursue medical school! The ones who were encouraged academically were severely laughed at.