#dadpollo

The fact that Python is Apollo's greatest enemy and snake is Asclepius' sacred animal will always be funny

“The monster almost caught us but then, the sunlight reflected off of a broken piece of glass on the street at just the right angle. It temporarily blinded the slimy beast! Gave me just enough time to retrieve my weapon!”

“Oh really? That’s wild! A month ago on my quest there were several basilisks after me. I raised my sword and the sun glinted off of it. It seemed to disorient them. I took the opportunity to slash them to pieces.”

“Huh.” Percy chimes in. “Kind of reminds me of the other day. I was forming a wave to unleash on this giant, hairy, whatever that monster was and the sunlight bounced off of the water. Like you two said, it hit the monster right in the eyes. Not that I didn’t have it handled, but it did let me catch my breath and focus more on the attack and less on getting slashed again.”

Annabeth laughs. “And here I thought you made the water reflect the sunlight on purpose.”

Percy drags his hand across his face. “Is it too late to pretend I totally planned that because I’m just so smart?”

She elbows him and laughs. “Afraid so, Seaweed Brain.”

“Pretty sure I heard someone else talk about something like that happening too.” One of the other demigods remembers. “A random old mirror in the woods of all places. A bunch of crows flew through the trees, it moved a branch and beam of sunlight shined down through the opening. It hit the mirror and reflected right in the eyes of a monster. Gave the girl a couple of seconds, enough time to jab her spear into the monster’s head.”

Annabeth looks to Percy with wide eyes of realization. He meets her gaze. A few seconds later, he comes to the same conclusion that she did.

They see Apollo visiting with his children the following day.

“There’s been some interesting coincidences lately.” Annabeth starts slyly.

Percy joins in. “Yeah, don’t know if you’ve heard but monsters seem to keep getting the sun in their eyes during battles.”

“Oh is that so?” Apollo smiles mischievously. “How unfortunate for the monsters!”

Will hears the conversation and turns to them.

“Yeah Dad, most of the quest related injuries have been more minor lately. Seems campers have been getting just the distraction they need.” He smiles in a way that looks very similar to his dad and crosses his arms. “Almost like the sun is on our side.”

He played horror games (silently jumped at every jumpscare HE DIDN’T MAKE A SOUND. but he just jumped. Like a cat. But talked really loudly otherwise and rambled when nervous you could literally tell when he got scared bc it’ll be like “HAHAhaha this is just like Chicago in America I imagine or perhaps my garage. I doN’T have a garage WHY DID I SAY SUCH THI- *the roll of a chair moving back slightly* Agh we need to start over…). He did Q & As (very vague and guarded living up to that Loxias name. MAYBE when he was first afraid people would decrypt his voice changer or something he answered exclusively in phonetics cards or tarot cards or 8-ball responses. Then he got a better voice changer. he’s chomping at the bit to yammer on about his life especially his kids and he tells SO MANY CRAZY STORIES about stuff he’s encountered as a villain like stealing 47 white sugar packets from a coffee machine because the groceries were shut early for some reason. He did a YouTuber apology in one for property damage.)

he played uno online (if voice chat he absolutely did that in villain mode. Like the monologuing the dramatic threats the angry cries all of it. Fully believe they stacked +4s and +20’d him once and it did in fact go viral.), but they cut off his account halfway through stream so it devolved into playing some shitty SMS mobile version with his family (like Crazy 8 in gamepigeon but worse).

Are you a virgin goddess? Or do you have deimgod children who could go to camp Half Blood? Or are you both? ( In the Percy Jackson universe, Athena creates her deimgod children from thoughts in her mind)

And if you one of the later two, could I make a Calvalia Cabin?

(Thank you for the question! 💕

I’ll be answering on Calva’s behalf if that’s alright, since it requires a bit of meta knowledge that she either A) would probably prefer not to answer [read: outright MISLEAD] or B) is not aware of, IC.

Calvalia is indeed a virgin goddess. She has an extremely avoidant/disorganized attachment style that makes it difficult—if not impossible—for her to trust others for something so intimate, and it unfortunately takes two to tango, so to speak. Her lack of attachments and free spirit are why Zephyrus agreed to raise her as his kin in the first place. But she is learning to let others close, slowly. Apollo is very patient, and determined.

But furthermore, should she ever truly fall in love, she is cursed to become incorporeal to the one she loves.

Forever.

On top of that, she also dislikes children, so even if she could produce an offspring without having another person involved, she probably wouldn’t. Because why would she?

HOWEVER

Don’t let that stop you from making a child of Calvalia! Someone from my Discord server actually has already [it’s this post here!] and the way we worked it out was that the child sprung from a bed of lilies of the valley that sprouted from Calvalia’s tears as she cried over a person she could not be with. However, she was not aware her crying—or the flowers—would produce a child. And so she would remain unaware that she had become a mother.

This is a rare occurrence in general, Calvalia does not often fall in love, so the population would be too small to warrant a cabin, and the child would likely be claimed by Apollo because the domain crossovers would make them almost indistinguishable from one of his own children [creativity, gifted in art, science, music, and the healing arts].

But also because I think he’d also know it was Calvalia’s kid, and takes them in because they’re hers.

And because he knows they’d be neglected and/or homeless otherwise—

Here are some of my favorite parts from it:

A quick summary: Romulus (who has now attained the status of a god, like Heracles) once hosted a Saturnalia and invited the Greek gods and the Roman emperors to the banquet. A contest between the Roman emperors ensued, with Alexander the Great called in as an extra contestant upon Heracles' request.

Silenus is the star of the show, doing most of the jesting. But I really like the way his bond with Dionysus is highlighted

And it's no joke, he really does roast these emperors till they're sizzling lol starting with Julius Caesar himself:

Next comes Augustus Octavius, whose entry is so pretentious and pompous that it becomes repulsive

Apollo gets a bit defensive over his "nursling" (a nod to the belief that Octavius was actually Apollo's son) and goes *insert Barbie meme "it's really not that bad! it just needs a little... shaping. To the salon!!"* ft Zenon the Philosopher who casts some spells of philosophy to make Octavius less obnoxious

And it works because Octavius is mostly humble and well mannered for the rest of the day lol

Heracles grabs this opportunity to fanboy over Alexander the great.

Like, "my beloved Alexander"?? It's cute when the gods gush over their mortal descendants.

Now, a shoutout to the emperors who didn't even get a chance to sit in the assembly because they were the worst of the lot apparently. We have:

Caligula, so terrible that the gods didn't wanna even look at him and he straight away was sent to Tartarus

Nero, who tried to be an Apollo wannabe and promptly got taken to the underworld

Commodus, whom Silenus didn't even bother to roast (and he tripped and fell anyway, what a loser)

There are more but these were the funniest

Anyway, the gods decide on how to choose the best amongst the Emperors. Apollo and Hermes have differing opinions on this, but Zeus decides to entertain the suggestions of both of his sons :3 (finally, one instance where he treats Apollo and Hermes equally)

All the emperors talk about their achievements first, then Hermes cross examines them to see if their motives were worthy enough and oh boy, it does not go well for Alexander who is brought to the verge of tears by Dionysus lmaooo

Anyway, in the end the gods vote and Emperor Marcus Aurelius wins the contest. But after that, Zeus asks each emperor to choose a god to spend the rest of their evening with

Ares and Aphrodite kind of just adopt Caesar LOL and yes, Cronus is present, sitting beside Zeus, with Rhea and Hera also sitting with them. He is the one who nominates Marcus Aurelius.

but here's the most crack part of this whole thing:

Like who invited Jesus bro skdjsndn 😭

Anyway, the story ends with Hermes giving some generic advice to the author, Emperor Julian and ending the story. Also, Julian lets us know that this whole story was told to him by none other than Hermes himself, and gives a disclaimer that he doesn't know if it's is true or just a lie fabricated by Hermes, or a mixture of both LMAO