“Oh…okay…just…when he gets out, have him call me…” she said, a sense of relief and apprehension overtaking her, “It’s important.”

Should she tell Happy? No, wouldn’t be right to tell anyone before him.

“Too important to tell me?” Happy tried to joke, “I will Jen, you were good for him.”

Happy wasn’t usually emotional unless he was drained. Kozik must have really gone off the deep end this time. She prayed he got and stayed clean.

“I would at least like a sober conversation,” she joked.

Happy agreed before they hung up. Gruff and closed off as he was. She’d always liked Happy. She sighed and looked at her stomach. She wasn’t even showing yet but she knew her and Kozik’s child was there. And she was doing it on her own.

For now she hoped.

—

Jennifer was around five months along and still looking for a place to stay permanently. Right after she had broken up with Kozik her roommate moved her boyfriend in effectively kicking her out. And then a month into her extended stay at a motel she found out she was pregnant. Around three months along.

She had a job as a waitress in a bar but that didn’t pay as well now that she was starting to show.

She didn’t know the gender yet. Waiting desperately for that call from her ex before she found out. She’d hoped that he was truly clean this time. So that their child could know him.

Herman Kozik was many things. An addict. A biker. A felon. Troubled. Herman Kozik was troubled.

But he was also a good man. He had a good heart.

Sometimes it was harder to get to that part. But she knew that it was there deep down. And even though she also knew that they could never be together as a couple again. Maybe they could be friends. Co-parents to their child.

She hoped.

When she was leaving the diner she’d just gotten a daytime waitressing gig at she ran into the last person she expected. But also made her worried. Happy.

Who could see exactly why she must have called Kozik a few months prior.

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” He asked.

“Because I wanted him to hear it from me,” she answered honestly, “Plus, you said he was going into rehab. He needs to focus on staying clean.”

She knew it might be selfish to hide it until then. But she felt it was best. For him. For her. For the child growing inside of her.

Happy sighed and nodded. He could understand why she wanted to wait.

“He’s getting out next month,” he said, “I’ll have him call you then, unless you wanna wait to be sure he sticks to it.”

Jennifer bit her lip. She did. But she also didn’t wanna deprive him of any more time knowing he had a baby on the way.

“I’ll call him,” she said, “Maybe ask him to take me to my next appointment…see if…if he wants this…” she rubbed her belly, “God knows I want them…”

“Don’t know what you’re having yet?” Happy asked.

“I wanted to wait until Herman knew…so we could find out together…” she murmured.

It felt only fair since she hadn’t told him she was pregnant yet. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as the doubts began to swirl again. What if he didn’t get clean? What if he didn’t believe her that the baby was his? Should she offer to get a DNA test to be sure? She knew she hadn’t been with anyone else. But she knew that might be best.

And what if he didn’t want anything to do with the baby? What if he completely turned his back on her and their child?

Jennifer shook her head when Happy said her name, stirring her from her negative thoughts. She looked up at him. Her fears dancing on her tongue but she said nothing. She didn’t know how to say it.

She wasn’t afraid of his reaction. She’s known Happy about as long as Kozik and despite his rough nature. He wasn’t ever threatening to her.

She just didn’t want to burden him with her rapidly racing thoughts.

“Happy…he’s not the type to run from this is he?” She finally asked.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Happy said, “But he still deserves to know.”

“I’ll call him before my appointment next month,” she said.

Happy nodded, “Do you need help?” He asked her, the exhaustion she was feeling was obvious and it couldn’t just be from being pregnant, there was something more there.

He could see it. He knew her too well. She was the one person that he swore Kozik might have settled down with if he hadn’t relapsed.

That caused the dam to break. Jennifer began to sob and nod wildly grasping onto Happy like her life depended on it. The man was shocked but held her, rubbing her back. She sobbed out everything that had happened and that she’d been trying to survive this pregnancy alone in an extended stay motel.

Happy’s resolve strengthened. He couldn’t stand seeing any woman suffer like this.

“Hey, I’m gonna help you,” he said, “You may not be with Koz right now, but you’re still my family.”

Jennifer nodded, thankful for him. Thankful to have some support.

—

Happy was a man of his word. He arranged to help her get an apartment in the same complex he knew Kozik was moving into. The manager being a friend of his and the club. So it wasn’t a hard sell.

Still she was grateful he had helped her get into a better place to raise a child. Having a home base would make finding work and everything else easier.

Soon enough Kozik was cleared to go home and Jennifer gave it a week before calling him. Saying she wanted to see him. That she missed him. It was the truth. And perhaps a little manipulative. But she knew that telling him over the phone would be the wrong choice.

She invited him to her new place and he laughed about the coincidence. Even though it wasn’t. And neither of them knew that. Only Happy did.

He wasn’t going to give his friend the chance to run or relapse. He would have to face this daily. Was it harsh? Perhaps. But he knew that Kozik was strong.

And he would never abandon his child. He always lamented how his dad stayed around just long enough to name him before he split.

So when he saw Jennifer open the door, visibly pregnant he felt his whole world begin to shift. He almost fell over in shock.

“Jenny? How? When? Mine?” He stammered out after a moment.

Jennifer had to laugh softly at the blond biker she’d fallen in and out of love with so easily. Yes, she still loved him. But it was a different kind of love.

“Get your ass in her and we’ll talk, but I found out about two months after we broke up. I’m about five along. And yes, it’s yours.” She said letting him inside her new apartment, “If you want we can get a DNA test done when they’re born.”

“You don’t know what it is yet?” Kozik asked.

Still too stunned to ask anything but the usual questions.

“No…I…I wanted to wait until I told you…in case…I don’t know…you wanted to find out together…” she murmured, “No pressure, I mean, only of you want to, I promise it’s your baby…”

She was stammering now. She was nervous. She wasn’t afraid of Kozik. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t unsure about all of this. She wasn’t sure how to be a mom let alone co-parent. And when she had tried to call her own mother for help she was ridiculed and told to just deal with it. The ultimatum was to cut Kozik out of the baby’s life competently for any kind of support. And when she said that wasn’t fair she was told that she got knocked up by a biker, she could have his baby alone. And to never call again.

She could only hope that it wouldn’t be that way after the baby was born. But still…she wasn’t holding her breath. She was nervous about doing anything alone.

“Do…do you want to come to my next appointment to find out the gender?” She asked.

“Do you want me there?” Kozik asked.

“Of course…but only if you want to be there…” she said.

“I don’t think I could forgive myself if I took off on you,” he said, “I don’t know how to be a father. But I’m willing to try.”

It was as emotionally open as he had ever been with anyone. Maybe it was because he was fresh out of rehab that the right words were in his head for once. But he wasn’t going to worry about that now.

“I don’t, Herman, I don’t think we can be together again, but…I want you in the baby’s life,” Jennifer said honestly, “I love you, but not…not like I used to. But I don’t hate you.”

She had had months to think about what she would say to him. How she would explain how she was feeling and what she wanted to him. He nodded and she could tell that it hurt him to have lose her. But he was grateful she was giving him this chance.

He wasn’t going to fuck it up.

He was going to try his best to not fuck it up.

“Thank you,” he said softly, “For giving me this chance.”

“You only get one.” Jennifer said.

Kozik nodded, “I understand.”

—

Sitting in the waiting room Jennifer was bouncing her knee up and down. Worried for everything that was to come. She was about to find out if she and Kozik were going to have a daughter or a son. And see how he reacted to the realities of everything. She hoped to whatever deity existed that he could handle this.

Kozik arrived separately, church was called for his return from rehab and he had barely gotten out of that before he had to go. Making his excuses to their charter president, Happy backing him up on why.

He made it just in time. Apologizing for being late. But Jennifer was just glad he actually showed up. She was nervous. She hadn’t had the chance to even think about decorations or clothes or anything. She was just trying to survive.

When she was called back she let Kozik come with her. A wave of relief washing over her when he sat in the room with her. As she laid on the table waiting for the ultrasound tech.

“What do you want it to be?” Kozik asked her.

“I don’t know,” Jennifer said honestly, “Everytime I think about it…it switches between a boy and a girl…I just want them to be healthy…and have both of us…we’re all they’re gonna have…”

“I take it your mom wasn’t too happy with you getting knocked up by me?” Kozik asked.

He’d heard the verbal wrath of Jennifer’s mother over the phone. When he had agreed to taking a chance at going to Thanksgiving with her family. When Jennifer slipped up and said he was a mechanic…and rode a motorcycle…he hated seeing the typically strong Jennifer break down like that. So instead they had joined Happy at Mama Lowman’s house for the holiday. She was always happy for more company.

“Hap’s mom is gonna flip when I’m the one to give her her first grandchild,” Kozik joked.

Jennifer laughed, “Then Hap is gonna kill you for making his mom ask him for more.” She joked.

Kozik grinned, he loves how easy it was to talk to her. Even if they weren’t a couple now and never would be again, it was nice that she didn’t hate him.

The tech came in with a bright smile like usual and greeted Jennifer and Kozik. She seemed so excited for her that the father was finally here.

“Are we finding out the gender today?” She asked.

“Yes, I was waiting for Herman to come back from helping his brothers to find out,” Jennifer lied smoothly.

Kozik was thankful that she hadn’t been honest about where he had been. He didn’t want to be seen as a deadbeat. Because he wasn’t going to be one if he could help it.

He didn’t doubt he was the father. But he understood why she was insisting on a DNA test after the child was born. If something ever happened to her she wanted all the evidence that he was the father so her family couldn’t challenge for custody after they turned their backs on her.

The tech began the exam, “Alright, there’s the head, they’re developing properly…let’s see if they’re in a good position to see…right there…it looks like you two are expecting an adorable baby girl!” She said happily.

“A girl?” Jennifer asked with tears in her eyes, “I’m gonna have a daughter?”

She was so happy they were healthy before she didn’t realize just what it would mean to know if the baby was a boy or a girl. It made it all the more real. The baby growing in her was her little girl. She looked over at the rather shell shocked Kozik. He was staring at the screen.

“That’s…that’s my daughter?” He asked, feeling choked up.

“Yes sir, and she’s growing perfectly,” the tech assured them.

“Oh god…Herman…she’s going to be perfect…” Jennifer began to cry, her emotions taking hold.

The tech printed up photos of the ultrasound for them and gave the pair a moment.

“I…I’m gonna do all I can to be a good father to her, Jenn, you’re not in this alone,” he assured her.

Jennifer knew she wouldn’t be fully alone ever. She had some support with actual friends. And even more now with Kozik and Happy. Those two were the most like brothers in the entire club.

“Are you happy with a girl?” Jennifer asked.

“Yes, I’m just happy you’re actually giving me the chance to be in her life,” he said again.

Jennifer smiled. Maybe she really could do this. Her mom would eat her words at abandoning her.

—

The months wore on, and Kozik was there for Jennifer as often as he could be. In as many ways as possible. But of course the lifestyle he led as a biker had to throw a wrench into things.

He was sent on a long run and wound up getting locked up for a year. Leaving Jennifer almost alone. Happy hadn’t been picked up so he kept an eye on her for Kozik.

Jennifer gave birth when Kozik was four months into his stint. Happy was beside her as she gave birth. Letting her crush his hand.

He wasn’t planning on it until Jennifer demanded that she needed somebody in her life beside her. She don’t know anyone else that she would trust.

So he held her hand and after Jennifer was the first person to hold the baby girl who looked so much like her father with her blonde hair. It was her eyes that struck both of them the most. Deep brown like Kozik’s mother had had. Jennifer commented on that. Like Kozik she had blue eyes as well as both of her parents having blue eyes.

Kozik’s father had blue eyes but his mother had these soulful brown eyes. And now their daughter had them.

He got the pair safely home and promised to help her however he could. He stayed the night on the couch to watch over them. He’d promised Kozik he would.

He stayed there almost every night for the next few months. Helping out. He kept Kozik updated whenever Jennifer was too tired to talk on the phone.

One morning as he was finishing his breakfast and watching over Jennifer as she nursed the baby. Some music softly playing in the apartment. He was walking quieter than ever when he was there.

“He’s going to love her,” Happy said, he himself was already feeling extremely protective of the child.

Jennifer nodded and smiled softly, “I want you to be her godfather,” she said looking over at him.

“Me?” He asked, confused.

“I don’t know anyone Koz or I would trust more to take care of her if anything happens to both of us…” she said, “He doesn’t have any other family and…well…you know about mine…”

Happy nodded, the last thing that anyone would want was for the baby to end up with Jennifer’s parents or family. They’d abandoned her and would go through bouts of harassment trying to convince her that she was a failure. After being extremely neglectful and abusive when she was growing up.

“My baby girl will never suffer like I did.” She said.

Happy nodded, “She’s got an entire MC behind her,” he said.

But more than that she had parents who would love her and a godfather like Happy Lowman.

—

Kozik hadn’t wanted Jennifer to bring his newborn to visit him in jail. He didn’t want his first memories of his baby to be in visitation.

Instead his first memories were at the clubhouse. Her waiting inside with Happy when he rode up. He got off the bike and greeted his brothers before he saw her.

He hadn’t expected Jennifer to be there. To bring their baby to the clubhouse. To want to ingrain her into the world of her father.

But here she was, holding a bundle swaddled in a pink blanket printed with motorcycles, a gift from Ma Lowman, Happy’s mother was so excited for her god-granddaughter and was spoiling Jennifer with clothes and blankets and food. It was nice to be loved in that way.

He walked over and Jennifer carefully handed him his sleeping daughter, “I’m happy to introduce you to your daughter Circe Kozik.” She said, naming her after the Greek goddess due to a love of mythology.

His eyes snapped up to hers briefly. She’d given their daughter his last name. He wanted to cry. Even more so when the baby opened her eyes and he saw the beautiful deep brown that had once belonged to his mother.

“Hey babygirl…” he murmured, “I’m going to be the best damn dad I can for you.” He promised, “I’m gonna stay sober.”

That was a promise to both the baby and Jennifer.

“My Circe…” he breathed.

“She’s so thrilled cause you can still pick her up,” Jenifer laughed before kissing her daughter’s cheek, “Be a good girl today, Circe.”

“Yes Momma,” Circe giggled.

“Keep an eye on your daddy, don’t let him get into any trouble,” Jennifer teased.

“I will!” Circe declared.

“Oh just set my own child on me,” Kozik said in faux scandal.

He laughed as Jennifer hurried back to her car. He hoped she got this new job. She’d been working hard earning a degree while co-parenting their daughter. Truthfully she did more of the heavy lifting since he often had to leave for days at a time on runs for the club.

But she never denied him any time with her. He had been a man of his word. He hadn’t had anything stronger than a joint since he got out of rehab. He supposed that made him California sober or whatever that lame ass term was. But he never smoked anything other than cigarettes when Circe was around and was a lighter hand with the booze.

He and Jennifer both wanted her to have a strong home life. Even though they weren’t together. And never would be again. They agreed that their child deserved to have cooperative parents.

He still loved Jennifer. But not like before. And she felt the same for him.

He loved his daughter with his whole heart though. Circe was his everything. And every single one of his club brothers knew it.

“Ready to hang out with me, and Happy, and the rest of the guys?” He asked.

He knew she liked her Uncle Happy the most. Due to him being around more often. And he trusted Happy with her more than anyone else.

“Happy!” She squealed excitedly.

He could talk about every brother she had ever met but if Happy wasn’t included she’d ask about him. As he carried her inside he smiled.

He never knew that being a dad could feel so good. The pride he felt that she was his. He set her down when they got inside and announced she was there.

She quickly ran over to Happy first. The tall, intimidating man quickly scooped her into a hug. Unashamed to show his affection to the child.

“Did you miss me, Cici?” He asked.

“A little bit,” she answered sweetly.

Happy grinned as she hurried around the clubhouse to say hi to everyone. Kozik setting her bag on a worn out couch. Her favorite stuffed rabbit, a gift from Mama Lowman for her fifth birthday which had just passed.

“She’s already asking when we can visit your Mom again,” Kozik joked.

“Well, to her, that’s her first grandchild,” Happy said.

“Only grandparent she’s gonna get too,” Kozik said, “Jenn is determined that her parents will have nothing to do with Cici growing up.”

“Can’t blame her,” Happy commented.

Kozik shook his head. No he couldn’t. They’d called once after Circe was born. Didn’t even ask Jennifer about the baby or how she was doing. Merely asked if she was finally going to admit she was wrong about her life choices.

Jennifer had been sobbing on the phone during a phone call to him while he was locked up.

He let out a breath and forced those thoughts away as his little girl ran over and tugged on his jeans. Her brown eyes wide with wonder. God those eyes were so precious.

“Hey babygirl, you need help up?” He asked.

She nodded, “A little bit, please,” she said sweetly, holding her arms up.

Kozik leaned down and quickly scooped her up to settle her on a stool at the bar. She grinned and kicked her legs. The young woman behind the bar today, Tilly, walked over and smiled at her. All the crow eaters and sweet butts fawned over the girl. They thought she was the cutest thing.

“I don’t think you’re old enough for a beer sweetheart,” she teased, making Circe giggle, “I do have some apple juice back here, just for you.”

Tilly was already getting the bottle out and making a cup for the young girl.

“You want some, babygirl?” Kozik asked, he and Jennifer both trying to encourage her still developing social skills simply like this.

“A little bit, please,” Circe said with a bashful smile.

The sight of a Barbie sippy cup full of juice in a biker clubhouse was unusual, but nobody acted like that. Because it belonged to the Princess of SAMTAC. Tilly set the cup in front of her with a smile.

“Thank you!” Circe said happily, she took a sip while looking over at her dad.

“Can I color?” She asked.

“Of course,” Kozik said and got up to get her coloring supplies from her backpack.

While Kozik was setting her up with colors at the bar the charter president came in and called for Church. Kozik made sure she was okay and told her to mind Tilly. She was only a bartender and was one of the few people that Kozik trusted to watch Circe when he needed to step away. He kissed the top of her head and headed back with the other Sons.

“I promise,” Circe said and began to color, humming softly.

“You like hanging out here with me, dontcha?” Tilly asked with a grin.

“A little bit,” Circe said with a smile.

Tilly walked over to the old school juke box in the clubhouse and changed the music to a song she knew that the little girl liked. She was always doing her best to keep the trust she had gained. It didn’t hurt that she had a daughter around three years older than Circe.

“How old are you now, Circe?” Tilly asked.

She knew the answer, she’d helped Jennifer and Kozik set up the birthday party they’d thrown at the clubhouse. But she always tried to engage the young girl in conversation so she didn’t get too anxious when the guys had Church.

Especially when it might run long. And while like most women around a Sons charter, she wasn’t privy to any delicate information, but as the bartender she could pick up on when things were getting tense.

Distracting Circe was her job during these moments. And she took it seriously.

These guys had saved her life by giving her this job. And kept both her and her daughter safe during lockdowns. She felt connected to them. And had developed a friendship with Jennifer since Circe was born. Helping her out and babysitting her when Jennifer had night shifts.

Jennifer had even babysat Tilly’s daughter Georgia. She was now like an auntie to Circe.

“Four!” Circe declared proudly holding up the matching number of fingers.

“You gonna be starting kindergarten soon?” She asked.

“Yep,” Circe nodded, “Momma says I’m super smart!”

“You certainly are,” Tilly complimented, “You’ll be in the same school as my Gigi.”

Circe’s eyes widened as she looked at Tilly.

“But she’s a big kid!” She exclaimed.

Tilly laughed. Her daughter was only seven, but she understood how to a four year old seven seemed so much older.

“Yes, but not the biggest kid,” Tilly laughed, “Like Lizard’s son,” she referenced one of the other SAMTAC member’s oldest child, a thirteen year old boy, that she had met around Christmas last year.

Circe thought about that for a moment before nodding her agreement. A teenager may as well be an adult in the mind of a preschooler.

Circe kept busy even as Church ran long. Longer than it had in a while. She switched from coloring to playing Barbies with Tilly until she had to go to pick her daughter up from the bust stop down the street. Leaving her under the watchful eye of one of the member’s Old Lady, who had just dropped by to see him. Though of course, couldn’t due to the men being locked behind the large wooden door. Discussing things the women and young girl were not supposed to overhear.

While Gigi did her first grade homework, Circe napped on a worn out couch. Tilly kept an eye on the clock and the doors which hid the world she wasn’t meant to know about. She texted Jennifer when she heard Kozik’s phone go off in the box they all dumped them in before Church.

Letting her know why Koz wasn’t answering.

She made snacks for the girls and entertained them by letting them throw a little dance party together. Choosing songs none of the guys would ever have playing in the clubhouse.

Finally Church let out and all the guys looked even more worse for wear than usual. Most shuffling to the bar for beers. Kozik instantly going to his daughter and scooping her up. The way he always did before a run. Hugging her tightly. And spinning her making her giggle.

“Hope you had fun with Tilly today, princess,” he said to keep the mood light.

“Yeah, she even played Barbie’s with me!” Circe declared.

Kozik nodded to thank the young woman behind the bar. He’d tell Jennifer when she came to pick up Circe about the run.

It wasn’t until the following Monday, this whole day was spent planning things out right. So he had the weekend to spend with his little girl. He was going to ask if he could keep her until Sunday.

He knew Jennifer would agree.

She saw how much he loved their daughter. And how much it killed him when he had to leave Tacoma. But he always did his best to come home. He had a reason to keep fighting. To be as safe as possible out there on the road.

It wasn’t easy.

But for his Circe, he’d do anything.

—

Circe was snoozing on Kozik’s couch after dinner while Jennifer and he talked in low voices about what was going on.

“I got the job, by the way,” Jennifer said, “Is this a lockdown run or just a long one?”

Kozik breathed a sigh of relief, she’d been working so hard. It would be easier for her to have a typical nine to five rather than waitress work. Especially with his chaotic life as both biker and mechanic.

“Just a long one, have to head to Charming for a few days, something came up with the SAMCRO.” He said, being both vague and informative at the same time.

Something always seemed to be going on with the mother charter. And Tacoma was the best charter to assist. It didn’t hurt that that was due to being the charter that had Happy in it, if everyone were honest.

“When?” Jennifer asked.

“Monday, gonna head out before sunrise,” he said, “Figured you could grab babygirl after dinner.”

Jennifer nodded, “Or you could bring her to my apartment and have dinner there and be able to help me tuck her in, easier than just goodbye.” She suggested.

Kozik nodded, “Yeah, that sounds better.” He said.

They were quiet a moment, both nursing beers as a Disney movie played quietly on his TV while their daughter cuddled with her favorite stuffed bunny and slept soundly on the couch. Untouched by the drama that came with being intertwined with the Sons of Anarchy.

Kozik and Jennifer had worked hard to be sure of that as best they could. They knew it couldn’t be avoided forever. But for now, she still held the innocence of any other child. Her dad just had a motorcycle and friends who also had motorcycles with weird nicknames like Lizard or Donut.

“She still asking when she can ride with me?” Kozik asked to lighten the mood.

“Oh yes, she wants to know just how big of a kid she needs to be to ride with Daddy or Uncle Happy,” Jennifer laughed.

“You know one day she might ask if she can have a bike of her own,” Kozik joked.

“Oh I don’t doubt that,” Jennifer nodded with a smile, “That is on you to decide though.”

Kozik was surprised and was quick to ask why. Jennifer’s reasons were sound. Because Koz knew riding. He understood motorcycles in a way that she just didn’t. He had ridden thousands of miles both with the club and on his own.

If Circe ever seriously asked to have a bike of her own, he would be able to say best if and when she would be ready to even learn to ride. He would be the one to help her choose a bike. Teach her to do maintenance on it. How to keep herself safe when riding.

Kozik would obviously take Jennifer’s feelings into account. But when it came to motorcycles he word could be considered law in their little family.

“Let’s give it a few more years before I start thinking seriously about my baby girl with her own Harley,” he said with a tender smile.

He wanted to enjoy these times where she was still small for as long as possible. Still cuddling her bunny and coloring at the bar, sippy cup of apple juice beside her. Thinking of nothing else but how to wrangle one more cookie from one of her club uncles.

He wanted to preserve these moments forever. To live in them like tomorrow wouldn’t be another day of danger as a Son.

To pretend like Monday before sunrise he wouldn’t be heading down to Charming to help them out of a bind that could end up with him getting shot or worse.

In this moment all that mattered was enjoying his time as a father. And loving that little girl so much more than he ever thought he had the capacity to love anyone or anything.

Right now all that mattered was Circe.