I miss dad ben...

The sting appears like three times and is mostly the same except for the last time where it ends on a different chord.

Link to sheet music on musescore

I don't think you understand that I’m about to start crying over this.

Of course, no one ever tries to harm you or the baby as revenge, but Ben is still incredibly paranoid and on edge.

You are able to help him relax though, you always reassure him that everything is alright. The three of you are safe and will be okay.

I have so many thoughts about Dad Ben because he probably thought he would never be a Dad or thought he didn't deserve to be one.

He's also nervous about if he’ll be good enough for his baby, he doesn't want to fail them like he feels like he was failed by his parents. Ben wants to be a good Dad. He wants to be there for his child no matter what.

It’s a very long one, a bit over the place but so important for the story!  Here you can find: Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4 and Part 5💙

Ever since you and Ben started dating you got pretty used to him having to leave to another country for his work. It was never one of your favourite moments but knowing how important those games were for him being a player, you could only imagine how much more important they must be for him as the coach.

In the beginning days of your relationship, Ben always dropped Lucas off at his parents whenever he had to be away or wouldn’t be home for a couple of days. The man not wanting to put you in charge of a son that wasn’t yours. This meaning you had spent many weekends alone or away with friends, the house mostly empty or filled with all your girlfriends staying the night.

All of this changed when you got older and Lucy was born. Since you had a child of your own and Lucas reached an age at which he could take care of himself in terms of changing and respecting bedtime etc, Ben let both of the children stay with you when he needed to leave. You were nervous at first being in charge of both of them, but you pretty soon became a full-time parent, managing being without Ben for some days.

This weekend was one of those weekends. Ben had left early in the morning to Madrid for a Champions League game that was due tonight. Your little girl thankfully still asleep when he left as she wouldn’t let him leave without crying her eyes out. The little girl still very sad when you told her but your promise of letting her sleep in the big bed making the tears go away pretty soon after. The girl loved sleeping on daddies’ side of the bed.

You had spent the whole morning doing the laundry, your little girl trying to help you as best as she could, but quickly too bored of the adult activity. After a while, she ended up outside in the garden where Lucas was kicking the ball together with Maxim. The little girl wanting to join but the boys constantly kicking the ball away from her as they didn’t want her to play.

“Lucas, unfair!” The little girl groaned as they just not let her have the ball, the boys laughing at how desperate she sounded. “Go play inside.” Lucas said kicking the ball towards Maxim who quickly kicked it back before Lucy could reach for it. “Lucas!” She shouted, her shouting catching your attention from inside the kitchen, a quick glance towards the garden.

“I want to play as well.” Lucy said running towards him, taking Lucas by surprise as he quickly tried to kick the ball away but accidentally pushed her on the ground. The little girl falling flat face on the grass, a sigh coming from Lucas for a second. “Get up, before your mum sees.” He said helping her stand up, the little girls cries filling the air and Maxim quickly walking towards them.

“Why can’t you be gentle when she wants to join.” You said the second you reached the three children, the little girl reaching for you as she cried. “Look what you have done.” You sighed picking her up, holding the towel against her lip as the little girl was bleeding. “I am sorry, she just fell.” Lucas said with a sigh. “It’s not my fault!” He added.

“She just wanted to play.” You said while walking inside of the house, the little girl quickly sat down on the kitchen counter. “Maybe we should have let her join.’ Maxim said looking at you walk back inside of the house. “She will be fine, just surprised.” Lucas shrugged playing with the ball before kicking it towards the goal that has been in your garden since forever already.

“Baby girl, let mummy see.” You said moving the towel away, the little girl sobbing as she looked at you. “Mummy huuuuurts.” She said as she touched her bruised lip, her finger now red from the blood as well. “I know baby, I know.” You said cleaning her face with a little bit of water. “It will hurt for a bit, but you will be better in no time.” You said and Lucy smiled a little as the blood was all gone now, her hands washed as well.

“Can I go to Maxims place for the evening and night?” Lucas asked as he walked inside of the house, Maxim closely followed. “Actually no.” You said seriously and Lucas sighed in reply. “Can Maxim stay here then?” He asked and this time you sighed. Lucas knew you could never be really mad at him, the boy taking advantage of that all the time. “Okay fine.” You said as Lucas nodded, not even a thank you coming from him. “Thank you.” Maxim said silently while following Lucas upstairs to his room.

Without the kids this time!  Here you can find: Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 💙

Weeks had passed since you told Ben everything about the calls you had been receiving from Lucas’ school about the boy getting in trouble more and more often. Lucas had promised Ben he was going to behave and act better, and he was very truth to his words. You hadn’t received any calls anymore, the school only calling Ben for the minor things such as the amount of times Lucas had forgotten any books at home or didn’t do his homework.

It wasn’t the usual Wednesday evening but the middle of the week without the children at the house. Ben was invited to a gala/ award event, meaning he asked you to be his plus one and the children were sent away for the night. You had gotten so used to having Lucy and/or Lucas around that it felt very weird to not be with them for a moment.

Lucas was spending the night at Maxims. His mother and you getting along very well, the boys practically always together. The both boys being able to drive their bikes to school the next day. Lucy on the other hand was spending the night at Bens parents. Lucy loved being at their place, Bens mother always treating her with the many things you deny her time after time. But that’s what grandparents are for right? You knew, and for sure didn’t mind.

“How do you feel about being without Lucy?” Your best friend asked, chances are your best friend is a professional make-up artist who gladly said yes when you asked her to do your make up for the event. “Don’t start me on this. It’s like a piece of me is missing.” You said with a bit of laughter, closing your eyes for a second as she worked on the eye look.

“I can imagine, like, you and Lucy are like always together.” She smiled as you nodded. “My little princess, I just can’t live without her anymore.” You added looking at yourself in the mirror for a second. “Wing or not?” Your friend asked as you thought about the right answer. “Wing sounds good.” You nodded looking at your friend in the mirror, a nod coming from her as she finished your make up after a while.

“Our ride is here in 30 mins.” Ben said while walking inside of the room, his dressed shirt still unbuttoned as his tie was hanging loosely around his neck as well. “Can you manage to be ready on time?” He asked and your friend laughed for a second. “My job is done here.” She smiled while she started to pack all the items she had used before. “You still need to help me with my dress.” You said while getting up from your seat.

“I think she is referring to you” Ben said buttoning up his shirt after he tucked it into his trousers. “Yes, I am.” You smiled with a nod. “The dress is in the bedroom. I am sure you will love it as much as I do.” You added and your friend smiled walking towards the bedroom excited to see your outfit for the evening. “Well don’t you look handsome.” You smiled moving the tie under Bens shirt collar, a smile on his face as he realised you started tying it as well.

“Thank you.” He smiled, his hands resting on your waist as you tapped his chest when finished with the tie. “Now go change, we can’t be late.” He said and you nodded, a quick peck on his lips before you rushed towards the bedroom. “Gross.” Ben laughed to himself wiping away the bits of lip gloss he now had on his lips thanks to your kiss.

“Someone is going to steal the show for sure.” Your friend smiled as she sat down on the bed, a big smile on your face as you entered the bedroom. “Not what I want to achieve but maybe.” You laughed shaking your head. “Let’s get it on, before he really gets annoyed for being too late.” You said and your friend nodded helping you with the dress and your heels.

“Thank you again for helping me with everything for this evening.” You said walking down the stairs together. “Pleasure doing business with you.” She laughed while putting on her sneakers at the door. “Always a pleasure.” You added and she nodded, quickly giving you a hug before she shouted a goodbye to Ben who friendly replied before she left.

"Daddy…."

"Yes, luv?"

"What if I'm not brave enough to be in Gryffindor?"

"Not brave enough? What do you mean?"

"Well…." she pauses to kick a small pebble along the sidewalk, "what if the sorting hat won't let me be a Gryffindor? What if I'm scared of too many things?"

"Hmmmmm," he looks down at his daughter. She decided at an early age what house she wanted to join at school. 'A Gryffindor, just like you, daddy' It's probably what her 11 year old heart wants most in the world. "I don't think being a Gryffindor has much to do with how many things you're afraid of. If the sorting hat thinks you should be there, then you'll be there."

She stops to pick up the pebble and chuck it into the river beside them. "But...but what if I get put in Gryffindor and I can't be brave? What if I run away screaming at the first scary thing? Like, spiders or...or thunderstorms or werewolves?"

He stifles a chuckle, not wanting to embarrass his daughter over her juvenile concerns. Sometimes looking at her is almost like seeing a reflection of his 11 year-old self - from the rosy cheeks and golden hair, right down to her cautious nature. The caution worries him sometimes. He hopes with all his might that she won't suffer the way he did, so he tries his hardest to give her what he never had - confidence, faith, support. He tries to be the kind of father his own was not.

For her part, Matilda has abandoned the river and is now seeking out dead leaves on the path that make the loudest *crunch*. He joins in, enjoying the simple pleasure of satisfying sounds beneath his feet.

"What has you worried about that?"

"Well, what if...what if the other kids make fun of me? Or call me names? Or…" she says softly, "won't be my friends?" 

"You're afraid they'll be mean to you because you're not brave?"

"Yeah…" she says towards her toes. Her voice is so small.

Compassion tugs at his heartstrings. Somewhere mixed in with the love for his child, there's an ache for the small boy he used to be. He wishes he could have trusted his own father like this.

He sighs thoughtfully, sitting down on a stone wall and patting the spot next to him. "Would you like to know something?" The girl clambers up the wall beside him, brandishing a stick she acquired somewhere along the path and says, "sure".

"When I was a little boy, I was afraid of so many things that other kids, sometimes even my friends, would call me names and tease me. A lot of kids were mean, and even bullied me for being so afraid."

Matilda's eyes widen in disbelief, "you, daddy?" He nods, "oh, yes."

"But you're not scared of anything! Mummy says you were the bravest boy she'd ever met?"

"Well," he smiles, "your mum can see all the good things in people that they can't see for themselves. She's very special that way."

The girl is silent for a while, tracing invisible patterns in the air with her stick. "And she saw good things in you?"

"Oh yes, and she tried to help me see them, but I had to really learn them for myself too."

"How did you learn them?"

"Well," he takes a deep breath. How to explain this? "It took me a long, long time. You see, I took all that meanness and hurt inside myself. First, I let it make me even more scared. And, then I let it make me mean and angry too, and want to hurt people back."

His daughter is watching him with wide eyes. "You were mean?"

"I was, for a little while, until I finally learned to see and like the good things about myself. I learned them from my friends. From the good things they did for me, and how they loved me, even when I hurt people. They showed me that, no matter what, I was still loved. Ultimately, though, I had to decide I believed them."

He pauses and looks down at his daughter, "Tills, do you think that just because someone is mean to you, that makes you any less special?" She shakes her head, and looks down. "Or any less brave, just because they say so?"

She throws her arms around his waist, and buries her head in his side. "No, daddy." she sniffles out.

"Oh Tills, you are so special." He whispers, rubbing her back. They rock back and forth in silence, listening to the sounds of the river.

After a while, they pull apart, and he hops down from the wall. Taking both her hands, and trying to give her a serious look, he says: "Sweetheart, you'll find, especially as you get older, that there are many scary things in this world, but you are the only one who decides if you 'can' or 'can't' be brave. Nobody else gets to say so. And nobody...nobody gets to decide that you aren't loveable. Always remember that."

She nods solemnly. "Yes, daddy."

"Come along then" he helps her down from the wall, and they resume their quiet, afternoon walk.

"Headmistress McGonagall - she was the head of Gryffindor house when I was a boy - gave me some very good advice. Would you like to hear it?"

"Sure" she says, swatting at a tree with her stick.

"She said, 'the Hogwarts houses don't represent personality traits. There are plenty of brave Slytherins; and loyal Ravenclaws; and wise Gryffindors; and resourceful Hufflepuffs. The houses represent virtues that you value most; not what you are right now, but what you most wish to be. Perhaps, you might even say, who you are called to be.'

       Do you understand, Tilly?"

Matilda stops walking to stare at the river. She furrows her brows, then looks up and nods. "It doesn't matter how brave you are right now. It's about how important being brave is to you?"

"Exactly."

He takes the girl's free hand in his. "And, what do the Copper's say about being brave?"

"Being brave means putting what's right before yourself." She recites. "Good girl," Ben smiles and squeezes her hand. "Well," he says, "shall we go home and make supper for your mum?"

She takes off running and yells "I'll race you!"

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