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Zeus: Hermes, you've got a lot of balls stealing my money!
Zeus: This shows leadership. I'm promoting you to management.
Hermes, lying: That's why I did it!
Ares: That's fantastic! That's why I did it too! I stole lots of your money. What do I get??
Zeus: You get zilch, because you are a follower and a thief.
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Ares, texting Zeus: are you free rn?
Zeus, texting back: no, i'm expensive
Ares: *ragged breathing*
Zeus: I don't have favourites.
Artemis: Then how come Athena has an allowance?
Aphrodite: Athena gets an allowance? How come I never got one?
Athena: Because you're rich too, genius.
Loki: How come I didn't get an allowance?
Apollo: Do you even live here?
Ares: She gets an allowance? I had to pay to be here!
Hera: That was a swear jar, there is a difference.
[when Athena was a child]
Athena, in a high voice: [holding a Barbie doll] Hey, Ken, I was thinking about, you know, maybe taking the year off? Going back to school and starting my career?
Athena, in a low voice: [holding a Ken doll] Nonsense, Barbie. You're staying home and having my kids.
Zeus: Athena, what are you playing?
Athena: Systemic oppression.
Zeus, about little Thor: How do you keep him from running away when you take him out of the house?
Odin: He likes me. He doesn't want to run away.
Zeus: Really?
Odin: Has Hephaestus ran away before?
Zeus: Yes. I make him wear one of those toddler backpacks that have a leash attached to them.
Odin: Isn't he seventeen?
Zeus: Irrelevant.
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Zeus: Why the sudden interest in violin?
Hermes: Idk I just want to.
Zeus:
Zeus: Which anime character plays violin?
Zeus: My beautiful son, I would cross oceans and move mountains for you. I would fly into the darkness if I knew it would make you happy.
Apollo: Okay, but can I have a dorito?
Zeus: I'm sorry but these are, unfortunately, MY doritos.
Zeus: Athena, my beloved migraine, can daddy borrow your tape measure?
Athena: why do you need a tape measure?
Zeus: the grass isn’t exactly 2.3 cm tall, Odin stole my tape measure, and Thoth wont let me borrow his...
