cyprith answered: In my own life, I often feel like thereās an experiential barrier. I have trouble even understanding the process/implications of sexual attraction. Judging by conversations Iāve had, I assume the trouble runs both ways.
To an extent, I agree, but to an extent Iām not so sure. Definitely we asexual people should recognize that other people are feeling and experiencing things we might not share. People also should not speak or act as if sexual attraction is a universal experience or as if it needs to be.Ā
But in the opposite direction, I think we can all recognize what it feels like to not be experiencing sexual attraction.
A non-asexual friend Iām talking with on Skype actually gave me a really useful term to pinpoint the groups Iām trying to talk about & with:Ā āpeople who don't want (certain kinds of) sex.āĀ
Which is virtually everyone, I think.
Some people donāt want sex at all. Some people only want sex in a certain form, a certain kind of relationship, with certain people. Some people enjoy sex often and in many different ways, but they still find certain acts lack appeal, or are only appealing under the right circumstances. Some of these preferences are expressed in the language of sexual identity, some are expressed as kinks or fetishes (or squicks!), and some have no formal expression. Not all of these preferences feel equally important to the people who have them, and they can have different impacts when expressed broadly, but they all *exist*.Ā
So I do feel like when it comes to not wanting sex, not feeling attracted, and/or not being aroused, thereās a commonality here that can be built on, or at least *understood*.
At least one complication can come when people can recognizeĀ āIām not currently feeling aroused or sexually attracted or willing to have sexā as something that happens, but not as a constant state. Sexual desire shapes their lives in ways they canāt imagine not experiencing (not necessarily because theyāre selfish or unwilling; they might not even realize these patterns are there. I know for my part, even when I try to be conscious, itās hard to imagine what my life would be like if I didnāt have rare but significant crushes on other people, or if I didnāt have a libido. These things arenāt constant for me, but when they do happen they have an impact even bigger than Iām aware of).Ā
So, in conclusion, I both agree with you and have some different ideas about how deep the schism might be. Like I said at the beginning of this long post. ;PĀ