#cyphere

While I write like there’s a million subplots going on simultaneously in this au (which is. right) the thing about Adachi being the central character somewhat is because of his bond with Mim and what that means for everyone’s Gas Station Attendant Social Link

If we did consider myth, then yeah, we have Izanagi and Izanami; Souji and Marie, Adachi and well. Yeah.

There is significance to each other’s life by the motif of this myth alone. Not even being specific if they’re family, friends, lovers, or adversaries, because it could be that secret third thing (‘you have more than three options’ yeah I know that)

Mim and Adachi’s relationship is so special in a way that it’s like that Tumblr post it’s like. It’s like this

God’s goal of their social experiment was there to truly determine what humans wanted. Sure, they were born out of the desire to veil the truth and accept more palatable blissful lies, but they went out of their way to confirm that and see if humans had the strength to see past it all and live their lives in truth as they’d always been.

Choosing three human individuals with the qualities at the end of the spectrum and the in-between: to be full of Hope, or full of Despair, or to be nothing but a swirling black hole of Emptiness.

That Izanami tried to push the limits of these qualities as well. How far can Hope be hopeful before falling to despair. Can that of Despair actually stand on his own to feet and be hope for everyone else. Can Emptiness… not be empty.

Izanami saw a literal blank slate enter Inaba. Not anybody who’s lived in Inaba their entire life (Namatame), not anybody who’s returned to Inaba to live their life (Souji). God peeked inside a man’s hollow heart and decided to fill it. Besides taking the most convenient human occupation for that moment, the attendant may as well have come out of that mold and was there to be everything Adachi needed. Trimming out any excess, filling up bubbled spots, polishing everything here and there as time went by. Having to be there for the other pawns they want to keep a close eye on and changing and adapting like a clay doll, remolded and and reshaped to their will, but otherwise staying the same to the mold it first came out from.

Until the imperfections couldn’t be hidden. The fog was seeping, the maggots were crawling, the rot was wafting, the scars were showing. But there should be more to an attendant than working at the gas station, right? Let him have wishes to take care of his home. Never figure out where he goes when it’s not raining. Don’t ask for his name but rather know him by all the things he talks about that is everything but anything about him.

God just made a puppet just enough for the humans they needed to get close to. And what if the self-sabotaging man says he doesn’t like idiots, maybe that’s exactly what he needs. What if he needs someone so much that isn’t like him that he can just be himself. What if he needs something to take care of because he can’t take care of himself. Give him something he’s good at doing and he’ll do it. Give him someone who won’t care what he’s doing and just enjoy him for the person he is. Then take it all away just to see how empty he can get.

What’s worse than being having nothing the whole time—actually having something and now you lose it? What’s the point of learning to love having never loved before then all if it’s taken from you? Why be filled to the brim from a half empty glass only to be tipped over and have your heart spill all over the floor? Was it just better to be empty the whole time, or be emptied from being so full?

Mim literally had a Teddie moment and said “wow I’ll make something so loved and appreciated just so I can stay close to the things I need to monitor” then fucking realized “hey I like it this way actually maybe bonds are a good thing.” Then they remember they have a fucking JOB to do and they’re like “ohh just kidding im a fucking monster they won’t love the real me anyway (god)” and do a Marie and take everyone’s memories of them— the attendant. Because they don’t just want to make a separate sentient being of the identity they just accepted was their own self. If there was going to be an attendant, it would be them. But since they can’t be there, then there’s also no attendant to keep these memories and hearts occupied.

They ran away hoping to cut off all their bonds so people won’t regret associating with a monster, leaving a bunch of people with botched memories and holes in their lives. And they did a really bad job at cleaning up, that there are people who are still chasing after them because these people care. And they don’t WANT these people to pursue the truth because they’ll be so disappointed. Mim ends up trying to erase themself entirely so there’s nothing to chase. The world would be so free and pristine and clear of their influence because they’re gone DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU

Mim saw Adachi and said “how can I stay close to this fucking miserable man who I need to use to stimulate this city and get the results I need” then subsequently poured themself into a mold of the emptiness in his heart and out came the attendant. Look at this guy who’s so stupid, who’s an actual idiot, a prettyboy who knows nothing about the outside world, who has a skull so thick and a humor so odd. Literally everything Adachi isn’t—but that was the point. Bitch just interpreted the emptiness inside him and filled him and now they’re fucking worsties besties it’s ridiculous. This is what watching chair car adventure 100000000000 times does to a motherfucker

Mim’s stupid foggy attendant body starts literally melting in the summer heat. Anxious that people would call them out, but being sympathized with and being told they’re just not good in the heat, like other humans. Getting callouses so rough and actually bleeding from a cut on their finger when they thought fog would just seep out. Putting their hand in in their mouth and actually tasting the oil and wax they’ve been working with the whole time. Getting so hot or laughing so hard they actually get flushed until the tips of their ears. Wondering if the maggots crawling in their body made their way out, when the beetles they found in Namatame’s truck made their way into their sleeves and scuttle away. That maybe they didn’t smell like burnt rot, but rather car exhaust and gasoline and tomato juice they spilled on their pants. That maybe when they pull back their sleeves or look under their shirt it could be skin with lungs breathing and a heart beating rather than decaying flesh hanging off of bone.

Adachi learning how to open his heart to things and let things inside, while a puppeteer stops puppeteering and their smiles actually hurt their face because they can’t stop. Both becoming more human again in their own ways, the other quite literal. Both running away and sabotaging themselves for the sake of the people and the home they learned to love, neglecting to love themselves. I’ve made them both so alike it’s sickening even to me but it’s so fun I have dolls that are beaten up so much I drive their faces into the ground because that’s how I play with dolls and have fun SORRYY

And this is how they are best friends. Which is an essay that is just as badly structured but still expresses what I want to say probably. I lied actually. There’s more than one, but still.

THE two skits in visualive that matter so much to me https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/690320733390471168/stopping-myself-here-but-i-hope-its-a-well-known

ESSAY 1 https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/664354915309764608/you-dont-understand-how-much-chair-car-adventure

ESSAY 2 ✌️ft. more adachi I think https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/667202694005587968/please-by-all-means-make-a-post-about-adachi-and

tohru “fuck this guy in particular” adachi https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/691316103200276480/yknow-if-you-were-mentally-ill-and-watched-the