#cxxx

WHAT DID I JUST DO?? God I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack everyday until that day.

Sometimes I wish someone would tell me that everything I’m feeling is okay and valid. That I’m allowed to be lonely most days. That it’s okay if I don’t want to get out of bed, it’s okay to cry and feel like the world is crashing down, it’s okay to miss her, it’s okay to still love her the same way I did all these years, it’s okay to shut things off for now, it’s okay to not be ready to move on yet, it’s okay to still be waiting and hoping. People keep telling me to move on with good intentions, but sometimes I wish someone would tell me to just take my time. That it’s completely understandable to not know how to get over a relationship you thought would last. It’s okay if I still keep checking my phone to see if today she sent me a message, it’s okay if I stare at my phone wallpaper, remembering the day I took that photo of her. It’s okay to miss her voice, her company, her family, all the ups and downs, everything that comes along with what we had. It’s okay if I’m not ready to let go, and not sure when I will be.

three.

Today I got out of bed after a week, and this is the best I can do for now.

The last thing I want for you to feel is guilt, because as much as it hurts, I trust your decision and know that you only did what you thought was best for yourself. There is nothing more I can do but pray that you’ll one day realize that coming home will be your next best decision.