#cwmarijuana

This is something new I'm trying out. It's meant to give extra insight into what's going on in Johnny's head but isn't an actual story post. I will post these whenever I want to give more context.

For a full-page view of this journal entry, see it on blogspot (I will posting all of the entries here as well).

Transcript:

[Photo of a journal cover, labeled "This Journal Belongs to Johnny." It has various stickers and reads "if you read this I will CRY loudly" and "I'm serious, if you read this I will be very upset and it will be very uncomfortable for everyone."]

When I first moved in with my dads it was harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to get out of my mom's house so bad but it was still the only home I’d ever known.

I didn't know how to handle it, so I was either having emotional outbursts or avoiding everyone. Even Chantal.

[Stylized picture of Johnny meant to represent a drawing] Caption: artist interpretation of a sad boi in his natural habitat

My dads didn't really know what to do with me. I was basically begging for help but when they tried I just pushed them away. I didn’t know if I could trust them yet.

Chantal was a little different. She was able to fit in with the rest of the fam but that’s because she buried all of her feelings.

[A torn piece of paper reading "Happy birthday, baby! Love ya, Mom"] Caption: the last bday card I got from my mom. From when I turned twelve

Cece had to adjust too. Imagine all of a sudden having two new siblings.

She REALLY didn’t like me at first. She didn’t know about everything that happened to me, just that I was loud and emotional and Chantal wasn’t. She didn’t know Chantal was hurting too.

[Polaroid photo of Chantal and Cece as teenagers smiling, captioned "the unproblematic children"]

Of course, we all went to therapy. It took me and Chantal a long time to open up, but Dad and Pops learned how to help us feel safe and Cece was able to understand us better.

Things aren’t perfect and probably never will be, but it’s nice having people in my life I can trust.