~~

The lunch in Ponyboy’s mouth tasted acutely similar to a steaming pile of dog crap.

He scowled, swallowing down his sandwich.

Across the cafeteria, you were talking to, and giggling at a boy. And that wasn’t even the worst part.

This creature had an aura, one that certainly wasn’t positive to Pony, and nor would it be to the other Curtis boys.

Would Ponyboy face you up front about it? Of course not. He was looking out for you, sure, but he also had twin duties to keep up with.

So the second Darry and Soda got home from work, Ponys mouth was running faster than his legs could.

“She’s got a boyfriend! And he looks like a real creep!”

Darry raised his brows silently, watching you tackle Pony. The two of you tousled for a good minute, until Sodapop yanked Ponyboy off of you.

“Quit it. Pony ya just being over-protective.”

The younger boy squirmed in Sodas hold.

“Invite him ‘round for dinner,” Darry spoke up finally. “I wanna see for myself.”

You huffed, sitting up with a scowl. “Ain’t nothing to see!”

“Liar!”

This time Darry caught you before hell could break loose again.

~~

“He should be here by now…” 

Your eyes rested on the nearby clock, as your boyfriend grew more tardy by each tick.

Pony gave a triumphant look to Darry and Soda, which you noticed and kicked his shin from underneath the table.

Finally, 30 minutes later than anticipated, there was a sharp knock at the door.

You bounded up, racing to open the door with a large smile.

The boy, Brian, at the door grunted, sidestepping you as you attempted to hug him.

Darry had appeared behind you silently, holding out a hand to Brian, who shook it and mumbled an introduction.

“Pleasure.” Darry deadpanned, moving back to the kitchen to where Pony was scowling and Soda was smiling slightly.

“Ain’t seem that bad, Pony. Maybe a bit bland..”

“No, no, no. He is evil. Trust me.” Sodapop chuckled again at Ponys warning.

You led Brian in, yapping excitedly about your day, although he was clearly not listening, an openly annoyed expression on his face.

The three brothers shared a silent look, before Darry started dishing up everyone’s meal

From that night, Darry noted that your boyfriend constantly seemed bored or bothered by you. 

Soda saw how he subtly tried to control you, with where or how you sat. 

And Pony noticed he was a mouth breather, which was obviously the worst sign.

~~

A few days after that unimpressive night, you burst through the front door with tears streaming down your face as you made a beeline for your bedroom.

Dally and Johnny, who’d crashed on your couch, both jumped up, equally startled by your dramatic entrance.

Ponyboy raced in a few moments after you, panting for a moment then continuing his pursuit.

“C’mon, open the door! Tell me what’s wrong!”

He huffed, trying at the very locked door once again before slumping against the wall and sliding down to the floor.

“What’s up with her?” Dally asked from the end of the hall.

“Man, beats me.”

Pony grumbled, before burying his face into his hands. He was so stressed about you. You were usually so cheerful, quick to banger back with Pony.

But that afternoon, when he made a joke about Brian, all he got was tears.

Pony didn’t move from beside your door, listening to your muffled sniffles and sobs.

Thankfully Darry and Soda (and Steve) got home earlier than usual.

“Pony! Where’s your sister?” Darry called out.

“Didn’t kill her did ya?” Ponyboy finally looked up at Sodas words.

“She’s locked herself away, man. I said something about her boyfriend and— and now she’s bawling her eyes out.” By now Pony was holding his own tear back.

Soda tugged Pony to his feet, escorting him back out to the living room.

Darry knocked lightly on your door.

“Hey bub, you alright?”

There was some soft rustling, then the door clicked open and you lunged into his arms.

 You’d always been Darry’s little girl, having his protection and adoration since birth. Pony had Soda, and you had Darry.

You babbled for a moment, before you cleared your throat with a few coughs.

“Deep breaths, it’s okay…”

“He cheated! He kissed another girl, Dar.” You sniffled again, your lip shaking and glistening threatening to leak again.

Five pairs of greaser ears perked from down the hall.

“He’s an idiot, sugar.”

“I know! I know! I should’ve listened to Pony and steered clear…”

Darry shook his head, wiping a tear from your cheek. “It ain’t your fault. Don’t go blaming yourself, and you better not apologise for anything, okay?”

You nodded, promptly burying your face into your brother’s shoulder.

Darry guided you back to bed, before he met back up with the gang.

“Ya know where he lives, Pony?”

Ponyboy nodded, hesitantly murmuring an address. “Blue car out front.”

The Curtis gang filed out of the house, aside from Ponyboy who volunteered to watch over you.

It was safe to say that you never paid Brian a second thought ever again.

~~

"No, it's-" You sniffle, letting Sodapop tug you into his side where he's now perched on the lid of the toilet. He slings an arm around your waist and you lean gratefully into his side, thankful for the pressure of a body against yours.

"It's nothing. I don't know." You shrug helplessly, and Two smiles- kindly, not teasingly.

"You've got a condition or somethin'." He decides, traipsing back into the living room, "We oughta turn you in to a doctor, have them diagnose you with some crazy new brain condition. Maybe they could name it after you, kid."

"Yeah, Crybaby Curtis syndrome," Steve snickers, and Soda shouts a halfhearted, 'Be nice!' to his friend despite not being able to see him.

"Lay off, Steve," Johnny groans, and you hear Ponyboy chime in with a fervent, 'Yeah!' that he would have kept to himself had Johnny not led the charge. Despite having the upper hand, Ponyboy still struggles to pick fights with Steve. Usually it's a losing battle.

"Come on, kiddo." Darry urges, and Soda sticks close to your side as you shuffle back into the living room. Dallas doesn't move aside to give you your old seat back where he's stretched out over half of it, but he also doesn't protest when you throw your leg over his own to fit on the cushion.

"You've gotta man up, kid." Dally decides, snatching his cigarette out of his mouth and blowing the smoke into your face, "Can't be burstin' into tears all the time. People are gonna think you're weak."

"I am weak," You concede feebly, wiping at one last tear that streaks down your cheeks, "I don't know why it happens most'uh the time. Just does."

"Some people are just like that." Johnny smiles kindly at you, and you appreciate his sweetness, "We ain't gonna judge you."

"It'll be great for gettin' out of trouble," Sodapop grins mischieviously at you, "Just think, when you're a wild child in high school, and you're comin' home drunk at 2AM, Darry's gonna yell at you. Just flash him those teary eyes of yours and he'll get all soft for 'ya, he'll let you off real easy."

"Hey- Don't you go givin' her any ideas." Darry points a warning finger at Soda, and Ponyboy scoffs, surely jealous at the prospect of your secret weapon.

You share a secret smile with Soda, though, one that's hidden from both of your brothers. Two-Bit catches it and snorts, "Damn, Darry. I'm not itchin' to be you in a few years."

"Well then you'd better start hangin' out at your own house every once in a while," Darry glares at him, "You spend so much time here I'm gonna give you a chore on the chore chart."

"I don't even do chores at my own place," Two-Bit snickers, like the suggestion is the funniest one he's ever heard. He stretches his arm out behind your head, resting it on your far shoulder, "Just call me whenever you're goin' to those parties, Y/N, and I'll get drunker'n you, make you look like a saint in comparison."

"Dally's a saint in comparison to you, Two-Bit," Ponyboy gripes, "Just don't climb through my window expecting me to help you sneak past Darry."

"Now I mean it, boys," Darry snaps, "Don't go givin' her ideas! Conversation over."

Dallas waits all of three seconds before leaning down, tucking his face beside your ear so that he can drawl, "I'll teach you how to sneak past him if you can go without cryin' for a day."

Darry had been working a night shift last night, so obviously that meant that Dally snuck over and spent the night with you. You’ve done this before. You just need to have Dally out before Darry came in to wake you up for school, which could be varying levels of difficult depending on his mood at the time. You had woken up around 6:30-ish. You yawned and rolled around to face Dally. He was still asleep, snoring obnoxiously, his hair all mussed up from sleep. You let out a soft sigh and nuzzled into your pillow, watching him sleep with a drowsy smile. He never looked peaceful, but the one time he looked a little less tortured was when he was asleep.

About 10 minutes later, you felt Dally shift next to you. His arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you against him as he leaned down to plant a kiss to your hairline. “You awake, doll?” He asked, his voice rough from sleep. You nodded as you grabbed his hand around your waist, intertwining your fingers with his. He started kissing along your neck, his arms pulling you closer as you hummed softly with a smile.

His hand came up to your jaw to tilt it up towards him, leaning down to kiss you a little too eagerly for six in the morning. You moaned softly into the kiss, your hand coming up to card through his sleep-addled hair. He broke the kiss to roll on top of you, hovering above you.

You smiled up at him sleepily, reaching up to pull him in for another kiss. His hands slipped under your sleep shirt, caressing your hips gently as he deepened the kiss. You pushed him away gently as you bit your lip, quickly looking at the time.

“Think you can do it in 15 minutes?” You teased quietly, keeping in mind that your brothers were just across the hall. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “15 minutes is lightwork, man.” He said before leaning back down to kiss you again. His hands gripped your waist, pulling you against him with a devilish smirk.

When you had really been getting into it, you heard your door creak open. You pushed Dallas off of you almost immediately, assuming it was Darry opening the door. You quickly pulled the covers over yourself as the culprit poked his head in.

“Hey, Babydoll-“ Sodapop said before stopping abruptly, his mouth wide open as he stared at you and Dallas dumbly. You let out a breath when you saw it was just Soda, he was far less intimidating than Darry. Soda blinked a few times like he was trying to clear his vision, like maybe what he was seeing would change if he blinked hard enough.

“What do you want Soda?” You asked, your voice a little aggressive. He finally closed his mouth and cleared his throat, still looking very clearly startled.

“I was gonna ask you to cover for me, but now I have a.. different question..” Soda finally said after standing there like an idiot for too long. “What’s Dal doin’ here?”

“He needed somewhere to sleep for the night.” You said, lying through your teeth, and Soda knew it.

“Yeah.. sure.” Soda said as he slowly nodded. He was still caught off guard, but he was beginning to understand a little more. You could see the cogs turning in his head, and it hit you that he was gonna tell Darry if you didn’t stop it right now.

“If you don’t tell Darry, then I won’t tell ‘im that you were with Sandy last night..” You proposed with a slightly threatening stare after a few seconds of silence.

Soda’s face changed to a confused one. “What? I wasn’t with Sandy-“ You cut him off. “Shh, I know… but who’s he gonna believe?” You threatened with a too sweet tone. “Deal?”

Soda narrowed his eyes at you with a betrayed gasp. “Fine. But you owe me.”

You smiled in response. “Yup! Great, thanks Pepsi-Cola!” You replied as you got up and gently pushed him out of the room despite his protests and follow-up questions. You turned back to Dallas, biting your lip.

“Now, where were we?”

Dallas, Two-Bit, and Steve are all "Don't say anything if..."

Ponyboy is always sticking up for you and talking for you

Sodapop really appreciates your quietness. He loves to sit with you in silence or sit with you and vent after Ponyboy and Darry fight

If you use sign language, your brothers learn it to communicate with you- and eventually the rest of the guys start to pick up some signs or ask you to teach them some signs

Johnny really connects with you and, like Soda, enjoys your quiet, calming vibe

Darry hates to see anyone mocking you for not talking or for signing, parents will be called, teachers will be informed, and Darry will consider the morality of punching a 13 year old child

All the guys are worried about you, because not only are you in danger of being jumped for being a greaser, but they know you won't yell for help and won't stand up for yourself

They're worried for when you start highschool

Darry gets really mad if you walk somewhere alone

Pony walks with you most places

Dallas and Steve are the least understanding, but they accept it and will stand up for you if someone mocks you.

Darry, Soda, and Pony love to hear you laugh

Every "I love you" is way more meaningful and cherished by them

Darry wants to get you a consular or therapy to help, but you guys can't afford it

Dallas doesn't talk to you much because he knows you won't respond, but he still like being around you. He'll often communicate with gestures or facial expressions.

Sometimes Steve pretends you're communicating telepathically

"Everyone be quiet, y/n and I are talking in our brains." He'll say as he rubs his the sides of his temple

They've all gotten very good at reading your expressions

"Y/n, don't say anything if I can eat all the cake batter." Two-bit says while slowly reaching for the bowl. You glare at him then smack his hands away. He chuckles and steps back. You sigh then pick up the bowl and carefully pour the batter into a pan.

Ponyboy doesn't look up from his book when he says, "Leave her alone, Two-bit."

Two-bit ruffles Pony's hair before sitting down at the table. "Relax, kid, I'm just messing around. It's cool. Right, Y/n?"

You turn your head to look at him and roll your eyes. He chuckles. You close the oven and set a timer for 40 minutes. Soda and Steve walk into the kitchen in their DX uniforms. Soda smiles and waves and you smile back.

"I can't believe you worked on your birthday, Soda." Two-bit chuckles.

Soda shrugs, "I like my job. Plus, I got to spend the whole day with my best friend." He pats Steve on the shoulder. "Cake almost done, Y/n?"

"39 minutes." You sign as you sit down at the table.

-

When the cake is finally cooled down, you frost it. You carefully, and as evenly as possible, spread the frosting over the cake. Once done, you stick in all 17 candles. Ponyboy, who had been impatiently watching you asks, "Is it done?"

You nod.

"Guys the cake is done!" Pony yells excitedly as he hurries into the living room to let everyone know. All of the guys were at the house, and everyone hurriedly made their way to the dining room. You carefully set the chocolate cake down infront of Soda. Darry lights the candles as you sit down. It takes a decent amount of time to light 17 candles, but once they're all lit, the guys begin to sing.

"Happy birthday to you." You hum the song as everyone sings to Soda. Once the song is over, Soda blows out his candle.

"What'd you wish for?" Two-Bit asks.

"He cant tell you, then it won't come true." Steve rebukes.

Soda smiles mischievously. "I wished you wouldn't talk so damn much, Two!"

Two-bit falls into hysterics, and Darry warns, "Language."

You cut the cake. Soda, of course is handed the first piece.

"Thank you, y/n."

Two-bit and Steve fight over the second piece, but they calm down once a third is cut. Then Pony and Johnny get one.

You point at Dallas then at the cake, to ask if he wants a slice. He nods, so you give him one. Darry declines at first, but the protests from his brothers convince him to have a slice too. You finally cut a piece for yourself.

-

Later that night, after all the guys had gone home, and you'd gotten ready for bed, you join Soda in the living room. He's looking at a chain that Steve got him, and the flannels you and Ponyboy got him are folded beside him. He looks up at you as you walk in. You wave, and he smiles. You sit next to him on the couch. You two sit in silence for a while, the only sound being the chain moving around in his hands.

"Happy birthday, Soda." You mutter quietly, looking at his hands. You look at his eyes for the next part. "I love you."

Soda beams. He wraps an arm around you and pulls you in for a side hug. "Thank you. I love you too, and don't you forget it."

It seemed like ages before you finally pulled yourself away from Darry's chest. Your eyes were swollen from all the crying, and your throat was so tight and hoarse. No one spoke. Everyone was just sitting around, staring blankly. Two-Bit was mindlessly tossing playing cards around on the dining table. You walked into the dining room, and Two looked up as you took the seat beside of him. The pitiful look he sent your way made you feel uncomfortable. You slumped face-down onto the table, using your crossed arms as a pillow. Two-Bit reached over and patted you on the back. Everyone was startled when the phone rang out in the silence that filled the house.

Steve was nearest to the phone, so he picked it up and answered with a simple, "Yeah?"

You couldn't hear who was on the other end of the call, but Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and told Darry it was for him.

"Hello?", you heard your brother say into the phone. "Yeah?....Sure, Dal. Are you alright?....We know....Hang on, we'll be right there!"

Darrel hung up the phone and whipped around to face all of you. His voice was panicked.

"That was Dally! The cops are after him! We gotta hide him!"

He hurriedly got out what exactly was happening and said that he told Dallas you all would meet him at the park. Everyone jumped up and just started to run. Right out the door and towards the park, without even a second thought. Dallas was in major trouble. How was he going to get out of it this time?

The air was heavy and humid. The sky dark. Your lungs felt like they were going to explode, but you ran along as fast as possible. As you all approached the park, you saw Dally standing atop a small hill underneath the glow of the streetlights. The policemen were quickly surrounding him, and he looked like a mouse caught in a trap. His eyes were intense and defiant. He reached into the waistband of his jeans and pulled out a gun. He quickly raised it and aimed for the cops. You all were so so close, almost there to save him. Everyone was filled with breathless, sheer terror. He was just out of reach. The sounds of the loud bangs from the ends of the cops' guns tore through the night, just as their bullets tore through Dally. All the guys around you yelled and screamed, begging the police to hold their fire, saying that Dallas was just bluffing. That heater he held in his hand wasn't loaded. It never had been.

Dallas crumpled onto the wet concrete, right as you all had finally reached him. He made a futile attempt at a gasp for air, crawled forward a foot or so, and then whispered Pony's name before rolling to his back and lying motionlessly at your feet. He was dead. You knew as soon as you saw him raise that gun that he was a dead man. You glanced down to look at what remained of your most reckless, unstable friend. Blood gushed from the many holes covering his body. One single thought started to eat away at you now. Why hadn't you tried harder to stop Dallas when he ran from Johnny's hospital room? You could've prevented this. It's your fault Dallas is dead. You turned your back to him swiftly, walked away a couple of steps, and threw up right there on the street. You spun back around just in time to see Ponyboy swaying and then falling straight to the ground with a heavy thud. Everyone surrounded him while Darry pulled him up by the front of his shirt, trying to wake him...

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Johnny and Dallas were buried in Oaklawn Cemetery, exactly 27 steps apart from one another. Neither one had a funeral or even a real headstone. Just small plaques that bore only their names and the year they passed.

It has been about 3 months now since they died. It all still feels as though it happened yesterday. Ponyboy was sick for days following his black out that night. He was bedbound for another week once he finally woke up. You weren't doing too hot afterwards either. You had been conscious, sure, but in a catatonic state. You laid in bed and never moved. No one could get you to eat. No one could get you to speak. You either slept all day, or none at all. Just zoned out constantly. Completely numb to everything around you. You didn't even cry anymore. Darry and Soda were worn thin trying to split their time between the two of you and still work everyday as well. Once the trial had come and gone, Pony spent a few more weeks in a daze before he finally began to come out of it. He started to write about his experience, and that helped him to process what had taken place. Him and Darry promised to stop fighting with each other, and they kept true to their word. Things seemed to be going well for Ponyboy again.

You, on the other hand, you could not move forward. You were stuck back in that hospital room, running your fingers through Johnny's bangs, kissing him gently on the lips. You were still standing in the park watching Dally's blood pool below you as he struggles for a last breath. Your brothers and what was left of the gang were all extremely worried about you. Darry had forced you to return to school, thinking that keeping you on a normal routine would be beneficial, but you continued to move through life like a zombie. You hadn't turned in a single assignment or even so much as written your name at the top of a paper at school. You ate only when absolutely necessary and only did so to keep your brothers off your back. Nothing anyone could do was helping you. Your brothers felt like they were having to watch another person they cared about slip away. Again. But, this time agonizingly slow.

The only time you had spoken at all during this period was on one occasion to Ponyboy and Two-Bit. They were staying with you at the house one afternoon before Darry, Soda, and Steve had gotten off from work. They were the only ones who knew what had happened with the confessions of your and Johnny's shared feelings of love. You told them about what had happened right before Pony and Dally had walked into Johnny's hospital room for the last time too, just needing to get it off of your chest. Once you had started talking again, it was hard to stop. You also accidentally let slip about how you thought you were to blame for Dallas dying. Two-Bit and Ponyboy tried their best to convince you that this wasn't true, but you quickly dismissed their arguments. You made them both swear to secrecy. No one else needed to know about you and Johnny. That was very important to you, to keep this special memory private. You were also so ashamed for what happened with Dally, and you didn't want anyone to know you could've had the power to prevent his death and didn't give it your all. You were going to do everything you could to make sure that no one found out about these things. The boys were just so glad you had spoken to them at all that they quickly agreed to keep quiet. Once you were positive they were being truthful about keeping your secrets, you reverted back to your mutism.

All three of your brothers had become so worried about you at one point, that they decided it was best to take the lock off of your bedroom door. Worried what you might do if you had the means to lock yourself away from everyone. Even so, and even with the extra careful eyes on you at any given moment, you had still managed to use your switch to leave tiny cuts on your right ankle. No one had noticed. Why your brothers hadn't thought to remove the blade from your possession, you weren't sure, but you were glad they hadn't. This was your only outlet now. You made sure to never go high enough to where your socks wouldn't cover them up. Sometimes, when you were left alone to smoke a cigarette, you'd use it to burn a couple of small circles there as well. When you felt your skin sear, it made you think about the burns that had littered Johnny's beautiful body and how much pain he must've been in before Dallas had pulled him from the flames. You just yearned so desperately to feel anything at all. Even if it was bad. Even if it was pain. Physical pain had become your favorite distraction from the mental anguish you suffered day in and day out.

Your depressed state reached a crisis point not long after that. That night, you had just wanted to get some fresh air and spend some time alone, so you snuck out of your bedroom window after your brothers had gone to sleep, afraid they'd hear you if you used the front door. They were none the wiser. Before you left, you had went to the kitchen and grabbed a few beers. "Might as well have some fun," you thought to yourself. You wandered aimlessly through the streets while you downed your drinks. The longer you walked, the more unsteady your balance became. You had never drank before in your life, and the booze was hitting you hard. You weren't sure how you ended up here, but you now found yourself at the train tracks that split Tulsa in two, right down the middle. You finished off your last beer while taking a seat on the tracks. You felt a cold breeze sweep all around your body, and you shivered. You cursed at yourself for not bringing a jacket.

Evil thoughts started to swirl through your head, and they were influenced by the alcohol buzzing in your system. Life had become too much to handle. You missed Johnny too much. You ached to have him with you again. And, you never could shake the feeling that Dallas would still be here if you had chased after him that night. First, your mom and dad, then Johnny and Dally too. That's more loss than anyone should ever have to experience. You were sinking lower and lower. You held the neck of your last beer bottle and banged the other end on the tracks to break it off. You lifted your pant leg, brought the sharp edge of the glass close, and swiped it across quickly. Your haste had caused you to cut much deeper and larger than ever before. Big deal, who cares? It was shocking and thrilling. You watched as the blood trickled down into your shoe. You started to make another slice, but paused for a moment right before dragging the glass across your skin. A sudden realization had come to your mind. It dawned on you now exactly why Dallas had done what he had done. Dally loved Johnny too; the only person in the whole world he truly considered his family. He knew that he couldn't live without Johnny, and that he couldn't bring Johnny back either, so he decided to join him on the other side. He wanted to be with Johnny again, and he made it happen. How had this escaped your notice until now? Maybe this was the way out. Dally had the right idea. You could have your Johnny back. You could be with your parents again too. You could save your brothers and the other guys the trouble of having to deal with you any longer. One less thing to worry about, one less mouth to feed, one less person taking up space in that tiny house. It all could be solved with just one simple action.

For the first time in months, you actually felt a smile on your face. You finally felt something. You were happy. Finally happy and finally sure about what was going to happen with your life. It was going to stop. Everything will stop. You felt the tracks start to shake, and you heard the sound of a train fast approaching in the distance. This was your chance. Perfect timing. It seemed like it was meant to be. You threw the broken bottle off to the side and stood. You faced the train head on. You felt so light. Peace washed over you as you waited for your end to come. You saw the train rushing towards you. You heard the conductor blowing the whistle, urging you to move away from the tracks. You stood your ground and held your arms out on either side of you. Everything was falling into place. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you squeezed your eyes shut and whispered a small 'goodbye' to this cruel life you were living.

Something you wouldn't ever have expected was Steve tackling you to the ground right before the train struck. You both barely fell out of the way as the locomotive flew by.

"WHAT THE HELL, (Y/N)?!? ARE YOU TRYIN' TO GET YOURSELF KILLED?!?", he yelled at you. You both breathed heavily while lying next to each other in the gravel.

You sat up and hugged your knees to your chest. You didn't dare look to Steve in this moment. He sat up too. His brow was furrowed as he searched your eyes for any sign of remorse. His question had been answered by the lack of an answer from you. His face paled, and he dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his temples in slow circles. He had tears filling eyes. He let out a jagged exhale, and his voice wobbled as he spoke quietly to you.

"What were you thinking, (Y/N)? How could you do that to us? To your brothers? You can't leave. Not yet. Not like this, okay?"

He shifted his weight to his knees, leaned forward, and wrapped his arms around your small frame. Your stoic facade fractured away, and you hugged him back tightly. The mask you had worn for the last few months was gone. You both stayed in this position for quite a while, just holding each other. You sobbed in his arms, and he was letting his own tears fall as well.

"Come on, darlin'. Let's get you back home, eh?", he softy said to you.

He helped you up off the ground. He could tell you were cold, so he threw his jacket around you and held on to you while you both made your way back to your house. You were still very wobbly on your feet and very much drunk. You stumbled along beside Steve. He noticed the blood dripping from your foot as you walked. He halted and stopped you from continuing to walk as well. You were too out of it to fight back as he reached down and pulled up the leg of your jeans just a little to see where it was coming from. He was met with the many cuts and burns, old a new, that you have marked yourself with. Your most fresh cut bright red and gaped open. That's where the blood was originating. He sucked in a breath and lowered your pant leg back down. He tossed an arm around your shoulder and carried on walking with you at his side.

You walked up the porch steps to your home, and Steve held the front door for you. You entered your house and made your way to your bedroom, plopping belly first onto your bed. The world was spinning, and you just wanted to lie down. You closed your eyes, but remained awake. You heard a knock on the door across the hall from yours. Darry's bedroom. You heard some shuffling and whispers. Then, you heard Ponyboy and Sodapop's door creak open too. You were oblivious to what was going on, but Steve had awoken your brothers and gathered them in the living room to tell them what he had just witnessed.

He told them about how he had fought with his dad and left his house to head over to the theirs and sleep it off. How he had been passing by the train tracks when he spotted you there. How you had come within one second away from getting struck by a train, and how you were welcoming it with open arms and a smile. How you'd have died if he hadn't been there at just the right time. He spoke about you being drunk as a skunk. About the blood trailing behind you with each step. About finding the cuts, the burns. All the things you have so carefully been keeping held in and hidden away.

Soda's bottom lip began to quiver as he started to bawl. Steve embraced his best friend, and they shared a soft, consoling hug. Steve was extremely upset too. You were the closest thing he had to a little sister, and he loved you just like he loved Soda. Darry took a seat in his armchair and raked his fingers through his hair, pulling roughly on the ends of it. He tried and failed to control his breathing. Tears blurred his vision as his head fell into his hands. His body began to be wracked with sobs. Pony sat slumped on the couch with his arms crossed and a guilty look on his face. He knew just exactly why Johnny and Dally's deaths had affected you so much, but he had been sworn to secrecy. He fought with himself for a long time as tears cascaded down his cheeks. He knew that now was the time to say something about this. It was only hurting everyone more to keep your secrets any longer. Ponyboy cleared his throat to get everyone's attention, and then he started blabbing. He talked to them about you telling Johnny you loved him, him confessing that he felt the same from his hospital bed, and you and Johnny's first and last kiss right before he died. He told them about how you felt you were at fault for Dallas's downfall and death, because you hadn't followed after him that night. He told them everything. Darry, Soda, and Steve listened attentively, and now it all made sense to them why you had been acting the way you had. You had lost something more than just a good buddy when Johnny passed. You lost your love. You lost your closest confidant. You lost any possible future with him. And, on top of it all, you truly believed you were the cause of a close friend's demise. Since you were safe now with your brothers, Steve decided he needed to leave the family alone to deal with this however they saw fit. He hugged Sodapop once more, and even gave Darry and Ponyboy one too, before heading back to his own home.

You were finally about to fall into a restless slumber when you heard multiple footsteps making their way to where you rested. You didn't move an inch and pretended to be fully asleep. You heard the chair you kept next to your vanity scrape the floor as somebody dragged it towards your bed and took a seat. You felt your bed dip and someone else lifted your head and placed it into their lap. You could tell who it was by how gentle they were being. Soda. He stroked your hair slowly, and you felt little droplets start to hit you. His tears. You pictured his handsome features contorted with despair, and it made you feel even more terrible than you already did. A big, calloused hand grabbed yours and squeezed tightly. Darry. The strongest guy you knew, and he had been reduced to a trembling mess. A third presence had taken a seat near your feet and lightly touched you on the leg. Pony. He ran his fingers up your ankle to move your jeans out of the way, revealing to him your numerous scars and fresh, bleeding gash. He fought down a broken whimper, but a small squeak still made its way out.

Your head was swimming. You felt awful for how you've made your brothers feel. They don't deserve that. You love them so much. It scared you now to think about how close you had gotten to putting them through having to lose another family member. It scared you even more that you couldn't stop thinking about how leaving them still felt like the option you desired most. You pushed every single thought inside your head aside. You'd deal with the repercussions of your actions later. For now, you drifted off to sleep while your brothers surrounded you with their love and support. Not a single one of those boys knew how they were going to deal with all of this. They cautiously watched your chest rise and fall. Afraid to look away, like maybe it might stop if they did. Tomorrow was going to bring some massive shifting in the dynamics of the household, but they were going to do whatever it took to get you through this. This was not the end of your story.

𓂃𓈒⟡・𓂃𓈒⟡・𓂃𓈒⟡・𓂃𓈒⟡・𓂃𓈒⟡・𓂃𓈒⟡・𓂃𓈒⟡・𓂃𓈒⟡𓂃

note: wow, okay. don't know where all of that came from. i feel like this turned into something completely different than what the original idea was for the series, but oh well. i love the angsty shit. links to all previous parts below!

part 1 part 2 part 3

you rolled your eyes, moving aside to let him climb through your window, closing it behind him. “what do you want, dal?”

dallas sprawled out on your bed like it was his own, “what? i can’t see my girl before bed?” he asked, his eyes drifting down to where your pale pink nightgown ended at your thighs.

“you know darry’s gonna have your head if he sees you in here this late.” you remind him, getting into bed nonetheless.

dally hummed, “i ain’t scared of your brother. cmere,” he pullled you against him with his hand drifting down to your waist, making you blush.

“dal..”

“yeah?” he asked, acting oblivious to the fact that you were a mess. you simply sighed, pressing yourself further into his side.

his hand drifted further down, pressing against your inner thigh, squeezing the skin there. no words were spoken, just a subtle gasp you let out.

dallas spread your legs just enough to be able to slip his hand between them, rubbing you through your panties. you let out a whine, unable to stop yourself from grinding into it.

“shh, doll, wouldn’t want your brothers to hear you, hm? wouldn’t want them to know how desperate you are.”

you shook your head, biting your lip to keep yourself quiet as he moved your panties to the side, running a finger through your slick.

“dallas, please..” you breathed out, quietly moaning into his chest.

“i know, baby. gonna give you what you need.” he slipped 2 of his fingers into you, curling them. you responded with another soft moan, your back arching slightly. dallas pressed sloppy kisses down your neck as he continued, his fingers speeding up their movements as his thumb rubbed circles on your clit.

it didn’t take long after that for you to reach your climax, biting your lip so hard you almost drew blood in order to keep yourself quiet as he worked you through it, praising you for taking it so well.

once you came down from your high, he slowly pulled his fingers out of you. “you think you can still take more, doll?” he asked, already lining himself up to press into you.

you nodded, knowing it was gonna be a long night.