there's a double thread of discourse on femininity on this website that basically, to my understanding, goes like this: "weaponize femininity! eyeliner so sharp it could kill a man! you can be strong and girly at the same time! don't let the world make you believe that being traditionally feminine is weak!" and then the other one: "femininity is forced upon women whether they like it or not. break free from make up and social expectations for women. traditional femininity is coerced and ultimately works against women as a group." and like. I sympathize more with the second group than with the first, but I feel that partially the disagreement comes from a disconnect of what kind of misogynists you have the most contact with. where I grew up, liberal Toronto, with a mostly feminist mom, the kind of thoughts on gender I encounter are often: the assumption that men/boys will do better than women/girls regardless of the field or the people in question, that girls who wear makeup are valid and makeup isn't unfeminist (from my friends), that of course people of any gender can do whatever it's just that naturally certain genders are drawn to certain things, that it's okay for girls to care a lot about their appearance and love kids!! basically, choice/liberal feminism. I feel like that gives rise to the second school of thought, at least in me, because it doesn't center so directly on devaluing femininity. the reaction becomes, no, dammit, I don't need to be feminine, it's a bullshit choice, people are expecting me to be "girly" no matter what they say and it's hard not being that. the people I've been around here (and, sorry, this is definitely mostly because they are muslim arabs and that's what the culture is) enforce a different kind of misogyny. it's one that simultaneously forces femininity on women and girls (to the point of every little thing being gendered - my uncle wouldn't let my male cousin carry my purse for me, my little girl cousin ran ahead through the woods and her brother shook his head and complained about what a boy she was) and devalues it in a really sort of condescending way. for example, talking about how vital women are in society, because they are the mothers and teachers. also, constantly making fun of women "taking so long to get ready in the morning," jokes about women driving, pointing and staring at women in the street who they find attractive and laughing about the ones they don't, complaining when women in their family wear makeup but not realizing they expect that from the women they encounter in their daily lives. being around this, at least for me, has pushed me more toward the first kind of thought I mentioned. around this mocking of traditional girlhood and womanhood all the time, I want to be girly and strong at the same time; I want to prove them wrong. the most approval I've gained here has been from being perceived as masculine, like when I kick ass at go-kart or fought off my cousin who was trying to shove me into the pool or whatever. and, yeah, some of them were talking about how I was so much like a boy, but they were sort of impressed in the same way you're impressed by little kids who can sing really well. point is, here, I want to emphasize my femininity, because they see me as a little boyish (strong); I want to be strong and wear my winged eyeliner and prove something the same way at home I want to be strong and not play at being feminine. I guess my point is I've learned a lot more, I think, about different perspectives on feminism this month
