Dog welder: a weird dc character that caught my attention.
Let me add this as a disclaimer: I do not condone animal cruelty.
He became a running joke among my friend group, and I wanted to share his story with people.
Okay I’ll quickly go through the history of Dog Welder one but admittedly he doesn’t have much going on. Dog Welder’s first appearance is in Hitman #18 He’s seen in an alleyway and scares the shit outta Six-Pack the team leader of section eight. We honestly have no information about him other than his very obvious compulsion for welding dogs to criminal’s faces or literally anyone’s face. He met his end in Hitman #52 verses The Many Angled Ones, and of course one of the creatures dissolved him with acidic fluids.
Finally years later we’d have our successor Dog Welder Two. We meet our new Dog Welder in a pawn shop he feels drawn to the first Dog Welders equipment and the first thing he does as dog welder is run out of the shop and weld a dog to a ladies face who was just walking her dog. Dog Welder’s wife and children find him and they are very happy to see him in their excitement they show him their new family dog…he proceeds to weld the dog to his kids faces then just disappeared again. We see him again in issue #1 Six-Pack and Dog Welder. We see him show up to his old family home watching through a window.His wife has remarried and his kids while permanently disfigured got the puppy off of their face the only thing remaining is large scars of the side of their heads. (By the way the step dad suggests getting a puppy for the children..like what the fuck are you talking about dude?) eventually Dog welders runs into John Constantine who fills Dog welder in on all of his history according to Constantine Dog welder comes from a long line of other dog welders dating back to the pyramids and he also tells Dog welder he can communicate through dogs like a puppet.When Dog Welder learns he can communicate through th dogs he rushes to his family to reconcile but of course he just scares the absolute shit outta them.
Dog Welder, John Constantine,and the rest of section eight travel to Egypt where they find an ancient tomb which should give Dog welder some answers. After lighting a torch Dog welder is transported to a special kind of afterlife where all dog welders reside. In the spiritual realm he meets Dog welder One who begins to explain the history of the original Dog welder. The Gods Osiris,Isis,and RA Decided there were too many mortals walking the earth so they decided to create an underworld for them. The Gods needed a guardian for their underworld, so they recruited the son of Osiris he was a smelter and the smelter was guided to the tomb of a demigod where he found a wolf chained up and of course he had only one thing left to do WELD THE DEMI GOD AND WOLF TOGETHER he created Anubis upon being brought to life he cursed the smelter for creating him and this same cursed has been passed down generation to generation throughout the welding mask. Dog welder Two asks, “Why would the gods allow it?..” And Dog welder One replies “Why would the Gods Care..?” Dog welder Two feeling depressed he asks “What does this power serve?” And Dog Welder One has no answer disgruntled Dog Welder Two and Section eight go back home and see a broadcast on the news warning of a two stars who are on a collision course Sirius A and Sirius B and the reaction from the collision could cause the destruction of the universe. The Justice League provides a device to slow the collision and NASA is launching astronauts into space to try to slow it down but this is where Dog Welder two realizes something…Sirius “The Dog Star” he knows what he must do. Dog Welder and Section Eight break into the ship once they reach their destination Dog welder leaves the ship and makes his way toward the Stars..flick..you hear his welder turn on…Suddenly a beam of light it’s the combined power of the ancient Dog welders!! Dog welder manages to successfully weld the stars together..but he loses his life in the process saving the world. At the end of the comic you see a Dog welder shaped constellation and that’s the end of our “hero” Dog welder.
