#currents you create

Follow me on Instagram @ currents_you_create where I will be posting all of my updates as well as my art.

I’ll tell you who I write for; My lovers. The men whose arms pull me in’ When I’m far away. Whose thoughts I infect In the nightly hours. Whose fingers tangle in mine, And in my hair. Whose scent lingers on my sheets, And on my clothes. Whose hands, eyes and veins’ Have become my unending muse. Who makes me laugh, cry. And wish for the day to be over, And hope to see another sunrise. Who say they love me, No matter how true their words are. I’ll tell you who I write for; The parts of me I hide. Pushed down deep inside of me, Locked away in a safe, Where they cannot get out Until my fingers grace the spindle, Entering in the code. Those parts of me don’t wait until I’ve entered in the last digit, Before crowding at the door, Trying to push it open. I’ll tell you who I write for; My depression. That endless cycle of worthlessness’ And doubt. My inability to get out of bed, And the desire to just do something, That lacks motivation. The neglected hygiene, That ferments as the day passes by. The messy room Where glasses and dirty clothes Lay scattered And go missing. I’ll tell you who I write for; Me. Just a struggling girl, Who needed someone to listen. A neglected child, That was less than disposable. A person who was thrown away, And the only thing that would listen, Were the pieces of paper, Covered in words Of anxiety and sadness; Sadness I could not describe With mere words. A lost soul, Longing for a companion, But left in the dark.

I wrote this poem addressed to my sister in law, because she thinks I'm "different" than her and my husband. I grew up very differently than she did, but that doesn't mean I can't or don't love my husband.

Maybe I have become friends with this shadow behind me, and I've gotten so attached that I can't live without it.