#currentlove

One ones invited to this party🎈🎈🎉🎉are my current #Aces ♠️ #Fentyglossbomb and #Juviasplace #Doucepalette 💘💘💖💖 #📸Curvedmyway ♤ ♤ ♤ #Makeup #makeuplover #cosmetics #Beauty #fentybeauty #juviasplacepalette #beautylover #gifts #Curvedmyway #motivation #inspiration #lover #happyplace #morningmotivation #makeupparty #makeupinspiration #curvy #makeupenthusiast #currentlove #curvygirlsstyle (at Springfield, Massachusetts)

Improving myself...reading this..rather it has kinda become my diary...i love this so much 😊 #wordpowermadeeasy #currentlove #improvingmyself #studying #studyblr #bookstagram 📝✌😊

..cause i'm good for you 😉 #currentlove #goodforyou #onrepeat #ericnam #halasigehashtag

I keep having these nights where I am by myself with nothing to do. I lie down in my bed, alone.  With only my thoughts to keep me company. Usually, this would end up resulting in me getting to bed on time for once. But, rather, it currently results in fantasies. The likes of which, I am unable to come to terms with. You see, I have these feelings for someone. Yet, I know these feelings are not reciprocated. I have in a way moved on. I am not pining over her like I used to. I am not bothering my friend with my insufferable whining. I am not drinking over her any more. I am not getting distracted by the thought of her during my work. I can confidently say that with my up  coming trip, I will be focused on trying new things. Rather than, crying over her. Even with that understanding, I still think about her. During these moments, where the only thing that shows a beam of light are the stars in the sky, I think about her. I have such hope that love will prevail. That somehow, we would get lost in each other eyes. Somehow, I would end up holding you in my arms. Somehow, we would just fall in love. It makes me feel better. Thinking that there is someone who would love me in such a way. Then, I realize, it's  just a day dream I am having and there is no way that it would happen. I just look at my ceiling at that point. Thinking about how  stupid I am to have ever had feelings for her. It hurts to always hold the idea of love in such a high regard. When everyone around me doesn't hold it in the same light. I just want to let it settle into the darkness. To be able to just push these emotions away with ease. To continue on after something like this with no issues. I just can't bring my self to do it.

"I remember that it hurt. Looking at her hurt." - Stuck in Love Every time I look at you or hear your voice, my heart drops and my head begins to spin. I'm trying to move on from this whole situation as a whole. I thought avoiding you would help. But, instead it caused my relationship with someone else get hurt. At this point I'm just trying to figure out any option to get rid of this pain of knowing you don't like me. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out where to go from here. The last few days have resulted in long nights. In which, I think about you at the end of them. I think about how everything would be if it didn't play out the way it did. The one thought process that sticks out involves me telling you again how I feel. I look into your eyes and tell you that I just want to be involved in your life more than a friend. I just want to be able to hold you after a long day and be told that everything will be okay. I think about that moment the most when I'm alone. How you would tell me those words. The sound of them as they would come out of your mouth. The smile that would proceed afterwards to let me know that you actually believe in what you just said. But, right before you say anything in response to this confession, it just cuts off. I try to think of what you would say. Nothing comes to mind. It's as if my mind knows you would just say no. Rather than give me that no it is trying to protect itself from the pain that would follow. Yet I still think about you. I still wonder what I should have done differently. How I should have acted differently. I just feel that if I was different my life would go differently. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am today. But, for situations like this I wish I was different.

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I always imagined that the person, I felt so strongly about,that I actually told them I like them would somehow get me somewhere. I learned not too long ago that isn't true. I felt strongly about you. I just had to tell you I liked you. But, you told me you didn't see me that way. That hurts more now than me not telling you. At least when I kept it to myself I had the hope that one day we could become something. But, now I am living with the fact you will never like me. I find you so amazing. It hurts that I am not what you find attractive. But when I see you I see something so hard to describe with words. My heart beats faster. My head gets light. I lose all the bad thoughts in my mind. The only thought I can come up with is this: I like you so much that if I could give you the galaxy hooked on a line I would. I look at you as if you are a new galaxy that needs to be explored. I wanted to give you my galaxy but, you don't look at my galaxy the same way I look at yours. I wish that would change soon so I can feel a bit more at peace. I just wish someone would tell you how much I want you. It can't be me though because I've lost all my courage to say anything to you anymore. I just don't want to be hurt by the person that I love again.