#current student

It is intense, you are right.

That’s why we should lift each other up,

not pull down call out hate on criticize.

The intensity of this place, it can be too much.

Especially for the fragile, the vulnerable, the trying and failing

and trying again but struggling but still smiling

still contributing 

still giving the most we can to this place.

Try to imagine being here, but on the other side: unable to speak about your emotions with genuity, aware that the administration chooses to deal with mental health problems by drawing lines: cross one and you’re too difficult to take care of, we just don’t have all the support you may need, maybe home is a better place now. 

Home is here. It is all of ours. So be kind to each other. Make home a safe place for each other. 

~~~

UWC…'The perfect place to start a new life and to move on with your life’.

This came to my mind lately and I know it probably sounds really cringy but hear me out, it gets less interesting or more depending on how you digest what I’m about to say.

I left home hoping for a new start in a place where no one knew who I was or what I’d been through, a place where I wouldn’t have to be labelled as something, and to an extent this was and is the case for most people, but I got way more than I bargained for. My first year was a rollercoaster of me wanting to leave and go back home and lock my self up in a cage again, and me wanting to actually give Duino a shot. Ok, pause right here, Duino for you guys that don’t know is this small sea-side village in Italy where UWC Adriatic is situated, it’s full of stories and memories. Its seen people cry, laugh, fight and most of all, its seen strangers turn into family. However, don’t get too excited it also has its hidden side, which even though it is messed up to an extent, I wouldn’t call it bad.

The hidden side of Duino is that the people you meet while you’re here, give life to the memories about your past life which you’ve been trying to forget ever since you left home. Shit happens!

I felt really depressed and mentally sick over the last couple of months because something made me think about my past and made me actually decide to face it, instead of running away from it, like I had previously done. I had daily mental breakdowns but I didn’t give much importance to them, thinking that school was way more important than that and then it hit me. One day I just couldn’t deal with life anymore, I couldn’t deal with neglecting myself, my friendships, the thought of losing people who actually mean the world to me just because I wasn’t giving enough importance to my mental health and that was reflected into the amount of importance I dedicated for them, took over my thoughts and that drove me insane. I became very unsociable, I ignored everyone and threw myself into work but something and someone continuously managed to change that and managed to pull me out of this tough spot, even if it was momentarily. You could say that this person was my light in the dark!

A few months passed and I kept on thinking about this and I’ve come to a point where I’ve decided to put all my cards on the table and try to take the first step to fixing my problems by admitting to having mental health problems to the people which make all the difference in my life. I told them that my actions, my lack of interaction and my lack of explaining things was because of this. That has made all the difference!

The conversations, the cries, the laughter I’ve experienced in this place have made all the difference. They sucked, but at least I’m getting to know myself and it has allowed me to find myself in the midst of this hectic life we live. I finally accept my life, my experiences and most importantly myself.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that don’t feel scared to take the first step and open up the doors which lay ahead. Some of them might leave you in a terrible state but rest assured that you’ll find that one door that will get you going and prove to you that at some point it will get better.

~~~

UWC Adriatic

a bunch of months ago I posted here talking about how anxious I was about my UWC application. I was afraid. Man, I was so afraid I would not get chosen. And I know maybe no one will care, but hey: I am posting this from my UWC. Trees are tall and it is hella cold. What can I say? These last three months have been terrifying, exciting, sad, beautiful, panic-inducing, amazing…

It’s not that bad when you open your eyes. I know what you mean with unmet expectations and disappointment. I know what it is to walk down halls and wonder if being in UWC is any different, any better than my past highschool, which was awesome and had an amazing leadership program, where students inspired students and you felt you could achieve great things. I know what it is to feel like there is no support of activities you’d love to do instead of the already existing CAS. I’ve listened and agreed with people who say we need new services where you actually feel you’re needed and appreciated, and not just like something to fill in a space. Something that you feel passionate about, and not something where you feel you were randomly allocated.  I know what it is to feel that people should be having more meaningful conversations and not just weather talking (or in our case, IB talking). I know what it is to discover that instead of having daily talks about international problems, all you can seem to hear around you is problems about what happened last weekend between him and her and her and him.  I know what it is to want so much more. But I also know that the moment where I have grown the most since I came here a year and a half ago is when I decided that I would stop complaining and make it so much more.  So I opened my eyes a bit more than I had ever done. And I saw that there are 200 teenagers from around the world, ready for anything. Not because they are from around the world, but because they are teenagers. Kurt Hahn knew that to be this age is all you need to build whatever you can imagine. An idealistic or a pessimist generation. A force of nature or a procastinating blob of kids. 200 teenagers is the raw material for greatness, and you’ll discover this too if you can understand that first of all, we’re young people, who think and act like young people because we are young people. And if it seems that all we talk about are teenage topics, which range from gossips to worries about the near and somewhat near future, it’s because being a teenager is the only one thing we cannot cease to be, until we are not teenagers anymore. But for this two years we are here to be teenagers, anymore.

You want a meaningful conversation? Start it. You want a new social service? Plan it, fight for it. You want people to care? Speak up. Or learn to discover the cool side of what you have (there’s always one, I speak from experience). But don’t be mad at the human psychology of a bunch of adolescents. I can assure you we all want a better world. With my opened eyes I’ve seen the strength, the will, the passion. I’ve seen the compassion, the intelligence, and the drive. If you haven’t seen this, maybe you need to take a step back. Go home for a week and realize how your friends don’t know why Catalunya wanted independence, or the similarities between Islam and Christianity, or the history of the Russian Revolution, or about the conflicts in Middle East, or the extreme importance of taking care of the environment. And if you’re one of those lucky people who live in a place where everyone is very informed and you can really see no difference, then never shut up. Please, participate in the Peace and Conflicts, organize a focus, start a blog, go to every council. Share your knowledge and gain more. Don’t feel disappointed because people don’t know or don’t seem interested in everything. That’s natural. But if you have the power of changing this, do it. Grow, if you dare.

And be smart. Play your cards right. Remember that charisma takes you further than condescendence. Our flaw and our strength is that we are humans. We can be intrigued, interested, convinced, immersed, thrilled. Humans not only like, but want this, because we take pleasure in feeling like we’re alive. If you want to see change, look for emotional humans, not for idealistic robots. You’ll achieve everything in this world if you learn how to get a human to listen to you, and to get involved in your projects. Not only in UWC, but after, and forever. Open your eyes to the fact that you have 200 teenagers as raw material for this. Make them feel alive, and they’ll do whatever you want. 

Because the thrill of being alive is the UWC Spirit, and I do believe we all have it.

And have fun. Enjoy the ride. We won’t be young forever. I promise, it’s not that bad when you open your eyes.

Sincerely,

Hey you,

I’m in love with you. I have been for some time now. I love your hair. And your eyes. And the way you smell. The way you walk. And your smile. God! I love your smile. 

We were strangers at some point. You were just another person on campus. Then we grew close. And in that brief time, my heart started beating for you. But I guess I didn’t have the courage to tell you so. Why? I don’t know for sure. Maybe it’s because I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way. I mean, you are the perfect definition of out of my league. Sounds cowardly, but yeah.

By the time I found the courage to tell you, you had already moved on. You were hanging out with someone else. Laughing with them, smiling at them. I wanted to hate this other person. I tried to. But sadness was all that came out. Sadness and wishing I were that person.

For a long time, I told myself that the sadness would pass and that I would get over you. But you are still always on my mind. I still lie in my bed and fantasize…what if? Sometimes I sit and wonder how my life was before you walked into it. And I can’t remember. It seems like I have been in love with you forever. 

But I guess, that you loving me will never happen. So I’m writing this as a futile attempt to move on. An attempt to acknowledge my feelings for you in hopes that by doing so, I will move on. 

I hope I do move on. But for now, let me just say that I am so in love with you.

Love is a weird thing, isn’t it?

You find it in books, in films and in music, but you never understand what it truly is until you fall in love.

It has never happened to me, but this time I think it might. I would fall in love with you, but I can’t. I know it sounds mental, but that’s the way it is.

I love you eyes, I love your hair; I love your smile and your jokes. I love who you are and who you want to be, but I can’t love you. This would only make me suffer, it would destroy what we have and I don’t want it to happen.

Roses have thorns for a reason. You can’t touch one without bleeding; I would bleed for you, I would give anything to hold that flower in my hands, but I can’t. I know it would never bloom and I would be just be a fool holding grass in their hands.

Me and you? This can work.

Us? Never.

I was a student in 10th grade when I first read about the idea of United World College (UWC). It really engrossed me with the concept of making education a force to unite people, nations and cultures around the world for a peaceful and sustainable globe. I decided to apply for such a prestigious academy, however I was not sure about the exact requirements and eligibilities. I waited for the admission application for more than 8 months. In addition, it was released in March 2017 and it took me weeks to complete my application and submit it. After the submission of my application, I was eagerly waiting to receive any email or call from the selection department. I remember that even I used to check my email account more than 20 times a day. Consequently, I received an email from the UWC Afghanistan National Committee after some weeks indicating that I was shortlisted for the interview round. The day reached and I passed my interview. Incredibly, I received my acceptance email within the next few days. I really couldn’t believe I got to be one of the first students who got selected.

But my main problem with realizing my dream of studying in a United World College was obtaining a valid German visa. Unfortunately, the German Embassy stopped operating in Kabul, Afghanistan due to some security issues. So it took me months waiting to receive any update about the visa application which I had submitted to the relevant embassy. Our college officially began on 25th August 2017. But as I hadn’t gotten my visa yet, so I was not able to achieve my dream of attending the UWC Robert Bosch College. 5 months after the submission of my visa application to the embassy, eventually I got an email from the Federal Foreign Office that I can obtain my German visa in a neighboring country. Similarly, I started packing my bags and suitcases. The college also began the necessary preparations for my arrival.

On 27th October 2017, I arrived in the Frankfurt Airport at almost 8:30 pm. I had left home in Kabul at 4 am. My flight was as long as 18 hours. I travelled through the Turkish route which is possibly the entrance gate of Europe for Asian countries. So finally, I arrived on the campus 2 months late after the declaration of the college and my studies. I was really surprised by the warm welcome which I received from my roommates, students in our house and classmates. Although it was 11 pm and the weather was cold enough in outside, they were all standing in the entrance gate to receive me. It was such an ideal moment which I have ever experienced in my life.

Moreover, I realized that United World College is the land of love, friendship, sympathy, generosity and peace. We are a big and diverse family from more than 90 countries who speak in 60 different languages. Here in UWC, we believe that education is the most powerful weapon that we can use to change the world. Some of my surroundings deterred me from travelling to Germany while others encouraged and advocated to follow this route. But I embarked upon my journey to Germany with the encouragement and constant support of my family particularly my parents who excessively supported me during the entire process. In fact, they encouraged me to follow the path towards my dreams and succeed with doing my studies. Few people were against my decision of travelling to a country that has completely different traditions, cultures and language which I am not fluent in. But for me, my family and our country, getting accepted to an international college with world class faculty, providing quality education, representing Afghanistan in a community of 90 countries and sharing the stories of my country with other students is something admirable and a truly outstanding achievement. Now I feel that my whole community and country is proud of me! ~~~

Sadigh Jalali