#culers

They were silent for a few moments, just taking each other in. Alexia unclipped her belt to lean forward, closer to her. The need to touch her and be touched by her was almost too much to bear.

“You left,” she whispered, hurt.

“I did.”

“You fucking left, Ridley.”

Ridley nodded, leaning closer to her also. “I’m sorry, Lex.” Her finger tips brushed Alexia’s hair from her cheek and just that small touch send shivers down her spine.

“I need to say something, if you’d let me.”

Did she deserve that? “Go ahead.”

“I ran… I ran, and I’m sorry. You deserve better.” Ridley was being vulnerable with her which made Alexia just want to touch her, anywhere, in support. To feel her skin on her own and make sure it was real. That she was real. “Lex… you can’t understand how torn I am… how conflicted. Half of me wants you to leave and find happiness elsewhere, away from me, so I don’t taint your beautiful soul with my darkened one. The other half begs for you, yearns for you, dreams about you and selfishly wants you close to me, always.”

“You always said that you weren’t good for me, but I never believed you. I still don’t.”

Ridley sighed, looking down. “I feel like I’m not good for anybody, and I didn’t want to put that burden on you for simply loving me. I went away and couldn’t stop my thoughts. I was conflicted. But amongst my confliction, I missed one very important thing. I didn’t give you a choice.”

She looked up at her, her heart on her sleeve.

“My soul is tainted, Lex. I’ve done horrible things that I’ll regret for the rest of my life. But I also know that I’ve never felt about anyone, the way I feel about you. You’ll always be safe with me, whether it’s physically, mentally, financially… I’m still working on the emotionally part. You bring far too much out of me in that regard.”

Alexia’s lips trembled at the pure, unfiltered emotion in her voice. She was being so brave and speaking so beautifully. So vulnerably.

A flight attendant tapped Ridley’s shoulder to say boarding was almost finished and she nodded, telling her she’d only be a few minutes.

“Lex, meeting you broke a spell I’ve been under for a long time. Meeting you made me realise that maybe I was worthy of love after all. You took up space in my heart before I even knew it, and now, it seems you’re there to stay. I feel sorry for the Ridley before you because she didn’t realise how much love and happiness she was missing without you. You’ve changed me forever, and I’ll happily spend the rest of my life trying to thank you.” She cupped her cheek and stroked it with her thumb. “Regardless of if you want to stay or go…”

Ridley was giving her a choice. And even though she’d never meant to, it was the one and only choice she’d ever denied her.

Alexia’s heart broke. She leant down, her hands needing to touch her, and her cheek pressed against her own. She just needed to be close to her.

“I’m damaged..” she whispered, her breath soft against Alexia’s cheek.

“You’re human…” Alexia replied softly against hers, nudging it a little as if to wake her from her stupor.

“I’m broken.”

Alexia’s hand travelled down until it rested over her heart, feeling that strong beat. “You feel whole to me.”

Ridley’s hands found Alexia’s wrists and gripped on, as if to keep her there. Wanting her close.

Alexia’s lips brushed their way up to her forehead where she gave a singular kiss with more love and passion than she had ever expressed before. So much so, that it even surprised her. “I’m right here.”

Her hands were either side of her jaw now, Alexia’s cheek resting against her eyebrow. They stayed like that for a time, until the reality of where they were set in. Ridley pulled back and the expression she had on her face affected Alexia so much, that she could feel all of Ridley’s emotions.

That’s the moment Alexia knew she’d completely and desperately fallen in love with her.

“I’m sorry I ran,” she whispered again, her face betraying her pain. Ridley was letting herself be emotional with her, and it caught Alexia completely by surprise in the best kind of way. She knew what it meant. She was letting her in.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. Not at all. Now the choice is yours, Lex.”

Alexia thought on it for a minute or so until she spoke. “I want you, Lee. In every single way. But relationships are a two-way street, and they start with us as individuals. I want you. I lov-“ She stopped herself and sucked in a breath. Fuck, she really loved her. “I… but right now you need to find that part of you that doesn’t believe you deserve to be loved, and you need to learn to love yourself. To know in your heart that you deserve to love and be loved.. because you do. You fucking do. You deserve the world.”

Ridley’s face broke, and then hardened slightly. It was an honest truth that she needed, but of course it hurt.

“You’re… right.”

Alexia leant forward again, her lips on her forehead and kissed her there. “I know,” she whispered. “And I truly hope you can find that, because you deserve to have the love of your life.”

She pulled back and Ridley was holding herself strong, surprisingly. “Is there any hope for us?”

Alexia’s pride and independence crept up. She knew what she needed. “If you can learn to love yourself, and promise me that you’ll stay. That you won’t run away again. That you’re ready to move forwards, together.” Ridley was paying attention closely like she always did. She was always a good listener. “I need you to be here for me, like I am for you. I need security.”

“How will you know that I’m ready?”

Alexia smiled. “You’ll fight for me. For us.”

Ridley almost smiled. She liked that idea, it seemed. “Until then… can we be friends?”

“Friends who love each other, yes. Yes, please. I’d like that.” She needed Ridley to prove that she was there to stay.

“Hm.” She liked that answer. Ridley looked over her shoulder and gestured to the flight attendant who came by. “No change to the manifest. Please stand the ground crew down. Leave the baggage and pet on board.”

She nodded with a smile at Ridley that had Alexia’s jealousy spike and left.

“You’re leaving Chiquito with me?”

“I can’t take him away from you..”

“He’s yours.”

“I think you’ll find that he’s ours now.”

Typical Ridley sass. She loved it.

“We can share him…”

Ridley smiled her agreement and the Spaniard didn’t realise how much she’d missed seeing that. Seeing her lips curve upwards and her scar move on her cheek. She reached out and touched it.

“Deal.” She said as she rocked back on her heels and stood. “Good bye, Alexia.”

Alexia caught her arm as she went to turn, and pulled her back down, their faces so close she could kiss her without a thought. Though it most definitely was a thought. Their first kiss. “Ridley?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t leave again. Fight for me. Fight for us.”

Ridley clipped her belt up, pulling it tight across her hips. Fuck.

And then her thumb traced her lips ever so gently. Ever the cheeky Ridley. “I will. Do you know why?”

Her thumb was still on her lower lip, and Alexia couldn’t form words at that point. She shook her head.