Black Sunshineās (Unidās) list on cuddling the homies
Hi, I got really bored the other night and wrote this stupid shit instead of sleeping, this is me being silly, having fun, :3c being a sucker mayhapsā¦ and also of course I dont think any of it would be canonical interactions, just mostly self indulgent nonsense.
This is a long post be warned, ooooo!! No but genuinely this post is pretty lengthy so read more at your own risk.
Hello hello! Welcome to my experiment on cuddling! This experiment was done forā¦ information! What kind? ā¦very important kinds. Nothing self indulgent at all no sirā¦
Our current main subject is Black Sunshine, notorious leader of Bloody Paella. I will refer to him by Unid for simplicity sake. This experiment will report on Unidās experience cuddling different people.
Unid will now give us a rating and any notes he wants to jot down about each person. Then there will be a quick explanation on the sleeping position and any further unbiased information.
Sound fun, Unid?
No.
Cool! Beginning the list with Bloody Paella members, his close friends and gang members. Letās start it off with someone close, and thatās!!
Fujitsubo
6/10 Mildly comfy. Despite their soft appearance, their shell is kind of hard and the opening scratches my skinā¦ but they hold the cold really well so itās good on a hot night. Fujitsubo expressed slight embarrassment while cuddling. They slept facing each other, Unid had his arms wrapped around them. They slept through the night with no complications!
See, isn't this fun?
No.
Oh pshhhh!! Pbbthhh!! Moving on, next is another someone a little closer, eh? Itās!!
Ei
7/10 Basically a weighted blanket. He doesnāt cover my entire body and moves around sometimes, can get hot though. Complains when I adjust him, but my feet were cold, what was I supposed to do? Ei drapes over Unid like a blanket without much complaint, but flinched whenever Unid moved his head. They slept through the night without any complications!
I think our commentary after each one is so fun Unid, no?
We dont need to talk you know.
>:0 well rude! Im just trying to be friendly!! But fine we shall move on!!
Hydra
4/10 I liked using them as a pillow, and theyāre pretty squishy. They make a lot of noises though, and their spines tickle me. They also drooled a little bit on my faceā¦ gross. Hydra had wrapped around Unid like a snake, and Unid hugged onto them tightly, almost like a body pillow. Hydra did not complain! They slept through the night with no complications!
The next one isā¦
Asari
1/10 They go into their shell to sleep and I canāt find any way to make that comfortable. They technically didnāt cuddle, more like slept next to each other. When asked to possibly cuddle out of their shell for the experiment Asari laughed and then walked away. Technically no complications while they slept.
Doesnāt exactly follow the experiment seeing as we wanted them to cuddle, not just share a bed, but hey any result is a win for me. the next one issssssss!!!!
Kamenote
5/10 For the most part itās fine, their body is soft and nice to hold. But they squirm around a lot and talk in their sleep, some of the stuff I overheard was a bit strange. Kamenote complained that Unid squeezed them too hard and basically used them like a plushie, but had quickly reverted that comment and said everything was fine. Unid had held them to his chest for most of the night but had to be woken up as Kamenote struggled to breathe in his grip.
Jeez Unid, let up on the poor thing, will you?
It wasnāt on purpose!
Mhm thatās what they all say! moving on we haveā¦
Gyokotsu
0/10 She kicked me out of the bed. Which is fair enough I guess. Unid slept on the couch, Gyokostu liked the bed, but insulted the experiment.
My experiment is not stupid by the by!! Itās wonderful :3c im learning so much from it!!
No I agree, itās dumb.
>:P mleeeeeehhh anyways the next character issssssss
Kurage
4/10 really soft and squishy, holds the cold well, itās like cuddling an ice pack. In the middle of it though he asked to wear his headphones and I said itās whatever, could not sleep the rest of the night as he got really weird and squirmy. Unid held Kurage like another stuffed animal, no complaints from Kurage himself. After the headphone were introduced Unid was visibly uncomfortable and proceeded to sleep with his back facing Kurage.
Probably shouldnāt have allowed the headphones, itās an unaccounted variable that kinda threw a wrench in itā¦
Why are you treating this like itās a real experimentā¦ thereās no way this was approved by someone scientifically.
I donāt need approval to do my experiments, and what do you know? Itās not like you do any science! Back to this wonderful test, our next one is!!!
Tamo-chan
10/10 Gives me somewhat strange dreams but is a really nice cuddle buddy, warm, soft, squishy and doesnāt move around a lot or make much noise. Unid has Tamo sleep on his chest, with a hand on its back. Tamo was content throughout the night, so no complications!
Thatās the whole gangā¦ though does the pet really count as being part of the gang?
Yes. Tamo is an important member.
Fair enough!! We are done with Bloody Paella, but the experiment is not over yet! now we move ontoā¦ āmain charactersā! Are you ready Unid?
Does it matter if I say no?
Of course it does, every word you say in the experiment is important to the results!
Then no, I am not ready, and will never be.
See, and I noted that response down, therefore it is important and will considered in the final results. anyways we move on, our next test subject isā¦
Newbie Guard
6/10 Could not sleep at first as we argued for a long time, wanted to put my fist through his face. When we finally laid down he told me not to touch him with my āawful criminal germsā. But when he finally fell asleep he was the one to grab onto me first! Hah! He got hot really easily and was very sweaty all night, it was pretty gross. He drooled and snored as well. Rookie complained about having to do this, and said many insults about Unid himself. They started out sleeping with their backs facing each other but ended up in a tangled mess of limbs by the end. They slept through the night with no complications.
That one is double the length of all the others which is funny to meā¦ lotta thoughtsā¦ I should get Rookieās thoughts in separate report, but who knows if Iāll ever get around to writing thatā¦ >:3c
Youāre doing this experiment-thing more than once??
Well yeah thatās how you do an experiment, repeated action, maybe different but contained variables, until coming to a conclusive result. itās fun everyone should do one I think. our next subject isā¦
Ivrig
2/10 Box is impossible to sleep around, and he kept getting up randomly throughout the night. Talks in his sleep, skin was really cold and clammyā¦ really awkward to hold. He wasnāt weird about it at least. Ivrig slept like a corpse, and Unid had a single arm draped over him. The repeated rising from Ivrig seemed to just be bathroom breaks, otherwise, no further complications in the night.
Maybe he should chill on his water intakeā¦ Our next one is!!
SINO
0/10 Tried to stab me and then ran away, little shit nicked my finger. No cuddling to report on.
Be a little nicer, they usually canāt sleep anyways. our next one is!!!
COM_Z
1/10 Too many hard edges and a horrible awkward waist, the only redeeming quality were their hands. They also never fell asleep and I felt like I was being watched the whole time. They were strange to talk to though. COM_Z let Unid use their hand as a pillow, and sat next to him as he slept. No complications throughout the night.
Wahhh!! What a cute robot!! I wonder what their thoughts were about this whole ordeal?? drumroll for the next one itās!!!!
Hugo Patrick
9/10 Big and soft, couldnāt get my arms around him but I got to sleep on his chest which was fine. Heās like an air mattress though, thought I was gonna pop him. Unid slept on top of Hugo, who didnāt seem to mind. Unid slept soundly without any complication.
Honestly I get it, if there werenāt experiment rules of maintaining professional relationship between me and the subjects, Hugo is my number one choice for a cuddle buddy.
Professional relationship?
while the experiment is being run yes. Power dynamic stuff. moving on we haveeeeeeeā¦
Captain
3/10 I was basically used as a plushie it was weird. I think they also had night terrors and kept crushing me in their arms, cracking so many bones that I donāt know what got snapped back in place and what got dislodged. They only calmed down when I gave them a taste of their own medicine by squeezing them back. Rebecca hugged Unid into her chest and trapped his arms to his sides for most of the night. He faced her and hugged her back which calmed her for the most part. Unid reports feeling sore in the morning.
The Captain certainly is strong! I wonder what could possibly terrorize her in the night so badly? And of course we have!!!
Doctor
0/10 Gave me nightmares. Doctor slept looking away and Unid never actually made a move to touch them so they just slept next to each other all night. Besides the nightmares, no further complications during the night.
Are you sure theyāre the one that gave you nightmares?
Yes, you think Iām lying? You made me do this stupid experiment! They had some sort ofā¦ freaky vibes that leaked off of them, it was fucking weird!
Haha madeā¦ now you may think its over but there is one more test, that of the self!
I mean dont you wonder how a character would rate themself? I did! And I put it to the test!
What? How the fuck..?
The ratings ofā¦
Black Sunshine
2/10 After recovering from the fact how the hell this was even possible, we could not decide on a sleeping position and it was hell. Hisā¦ my? Whatever, our spikes got in each otherās faces and it hurt like a motherfucker. They were fine for the most part but because of the active eye poking, they ending up sleeping with their backs facing each other. Both Unidās shared these thoughts. No further complications!
Post-Hack
4/10 Somehow it was worse that his spines were squishyā¦ genuinely wanted to make me vomit. And he squeezed me like I would be dying soon. But at least nothing got jabbed in my eye. Post-Hack pressed his face deep into Unidās chest and Unid just stared at the ceiling for awhile. Post-Hack expressed Unid was incredible to snuggle. No complications in the night.
Unid
1/10 Spikes stabbed me in the face again, wouldnāt stop talking for half the night, squeezed me even tighter and ignored every complaint I made. Could barely sleep. Hanauni used Unid as a body pillow, Unid spent most of the night shoving his face away from him. Hanauni expressed the sleep quite pleasant and asked if it could happen again soon. No further complications.
Wow! That was heftyā¦ and long! Who knew an experiment like this would be soā¦ bigā¦ not to mention Iām not even done! thatās right! This is only the first part of the entire experiment!! Iām writing more reports with other characters, because im the biggest sucker in the world! but for now hopefully you enjoyed this, I sure didā¦ what about you, Unid?
Stop talking to me, or Iāll stab your throat out with my spikes.
Wonderful! Well! Iāll see you soon :3c
