i miss stilly. 6190
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His eyes are still closed when he feels Victor crawl into bed next to him. It causes him to shiver slightly, body curling up in on himself as cold hands move to pull him closer,
"Are you awake?" Victor whispers it just loud enough to hear. It's weird because he knows Chase can sleep through anything. The words don't come though, so he makes a small noise and lets his forehead press against Victor's shoulder. His eyes are slightly open now, staring at the shadow he casts onto bare skin. It feels oddly metaphorical.
An arm snakes it's way around his waist, still cold fingers slipping just under the hem of his shirt. Chase shivers again but doesn't protest the soft apology and kiss against the top of his head. He doesn't know what to do with his own arms, curled up and stuck between them. It feels like he should at least move them. The buzzing of something under his skin making them nearly tremble. He should be doing a lot of things right now, but the exhaustion had been so heavy and the bed had been so warm.
Chase hadn't realized just how much he had missed Victor. A feeling akin to guilt eating away at heart at the thought of it. He shouldn't be upset that Victor was getting to play hockey. It's not like he would rather he be injured like himself, confined to the apartment and press box. The selfish part of him wishes Victor would stay in Abbotsford forever, the smart part of him feels greedy for even getting this,
"Did you eat?" There's a dirty bowl in the sink that answers the question. Bits of rice still sticking to the inside. He ate, but there's no way to tell how much,
"Bowl of rice. With chicken." It's not like Chase wouldn't stick to his diet, his dad always made sure of that. Though as the nights grow longer and the days grow colder, he always finds himself veering on the edge of the minimum he should eat. Something small as he moves around the apartment like a ghost, footsteps lighter than his meal,
"Okay," Fingers rub soothingly against his side, "I can make more."
Chase shakes his head and ignores that nausea that follows it. The thought of food making his stomach turn even as it growls and aches. Guilt only follows, sticking to the fear of disappointing Victor, "Not hungry."
"Okay," Chase wants to sob, "We can just stay here." Victor's words are so gentle as he pulls Chase a little closer, lips pressing against his hair that's probably a bit gross now. His hands are holding him close and all Chase can feel like is that he's falling apart.
That things had been going so well or at least not as bad as it had been. That he had been keeping it together. That everything was fine until he let it collapse in on itself.
Tears still don't fall. Even as he hides his face against Victor's chest. Some sort of finality seeming to settle in his bones, even the broken one. That this year was it, this year was going to be the end of him. At the very least, Chase hopes he doesn't bother Victor too much until then.
