I don't want to be sick any longer. I don't want to be so medicated that I have to be walked around like a puppy taking its first steps. I am in between the phases of complete head fuck/spin out/half here and so numb that I'm more apathetic than before the increased meds. I want someone to spend time with me, but I also want to be alone. I don't want to bore or overwhelm anyone with my sudden changes of mood. Because, I know. I know I will either be energetic and waste my energy, but with the little energy I have left will all be forced into anxiety and agitation. I don't stop moving for an hour, if that and then I'm debilitated for the next 6 hours. I don't expect anyone to understand exactly what I'm going through, I'd just like someone to listen and help me keep my self control intact, all I need is to be reminded. I'm not anywhere near sick enough to be put in hospital, but I know that if I keep going at this rate, I will be. I'm acknowledging my illness before it's too late and all I want is someone to be here for me.