#crozving

He carried abreakfast tray down the hall to his room. The cutlery jingled and the tea cupclinked on its saucer gently with each step. Even in full health and with not adrop of drink in him, Crozier’s hands still held a tremble. He figured if ithadn’t left him yet, it’d be with him always. Though it was not so bad; it gaveIrving a reason to take hold of them, to squeeze them and to still them withhis own.

The room wasjust as still as he left it, the sun barely creeping its way across the bed.Irving had not moved, not even a bit. Crozier smiled, almost sorry to wake him.

Irving had notplanned on living with his former Captain, not initially though the offer hadbeen presented as soon as Crozier held permanent lodgings. The offer itself hadcome as a surprise, Crozier had always valued his solitude (though it was duein part to his melancholia), but towards the end of their journey he held hismen closer and closer, and Irving had been wholly included in that. He hadhoped to be received by his family, but lack of knowledge in the familial tradeleft him with little to fall back on, and there would be no second attempt atfarming for John Irving.

It waslaughable to some; a devout Christian living the bachelor’s life with a man whowas perceived to go to service only on holy days.

But life inthe Navy never suited Irving. He felt homesickness too much in his heart tobear being at sea for so long. He spoke often of this fact to Crozier, whospent his entire life in the Navy but understood the sentiment more thananyone. There is an inherent loneliness on a ship, so far from home, so fargone from the familiarity of home.

That terribleloneliness. Out on the ice it was intensified, reflected back like blindingsunlight. The only good to come of it, if one can say that of such a thing, wasthat it brought them together in a way they never anticipated.

He pressed agentle, lingering kiss to the top of Irving’s head. He had done it dozens,hundreds of times. Through the meager good and the mounting bad, on too smallcabin beds and in the drafty darkness of a canvas tent. John hummed softly. Asmile as sleepy as he crept across his face.