#crownkeeper

thank youuuuu

DM: You wait about thirty seconds.

Kjell: After ten seconds I say, We found the Tarrasque.

DM: *instantly* "You've what?"

Kjell: Yeah, thought that'd get your attention...

DM: "Where are you?"

Una (genasi artificer): The Crownkeeper's lodge? It's underneath that.

DM: "The Tarrasque is in the Red Mountain?"

Una: Yeah.

Kjell: Along with a proto-Tarrasque and a centipede Tarrasque.

Seraph (siren sorcerer): Don't forget the fifty smaller experiment Tarrasques.

Kjell: They're all asleep.

Billie (gnome ardent): Except for the one with Far Realm blood, but it seems to be contained.

DM: There's a stunned silence.

Una: Is this a good enough emergency to call you with?

DM: The other door isn’t labelled, and it actually isn’t a real door. It looks like someone has punched out the approximate shape of a door, then found a piece of wood to jam into it. No hinges, no handle.

Tati (playing Seraph): Like Princess Fiona shutting her cave in Shrek?

DM: Exactly like that.

Hamish: I make a Perception check.

DM: You can’t see anything around the ragged edges, but you hear very slow, laborious breathing.

Hamish: I tell everyone to shut up.

Adam (playing Billie): Just do it.

DM: Damaris says, "Adventurers often pick up random things. Do we have anything in our bags that could deal with the Crownkeeper?"

Party: *checks character sheets*

Tati (playing Seraph): ...I have no idea what you're hinting at.

M (playing Kjell): Neither.

DM: I'm going to be so annoyed if Godric has it.

Hamish (playing Thaddeus): *hesitates* There's... the Underdark poison Maria gave us ages ago.

DM: Thank you.

Tati: Oh. Shit.

Andy (playing Una): Lab 2!

Tati (playing Seraph): Let’s do Storage first and get the boring stuff out of the way.

Andy: *sighs* Yeah, okay.

DM: It’s a narrow room with floor-ceiling shelves. They’re stacked with ritual components and creature parts.

Andy: Nature check to see what sort of creature parts.

DM: There’s a great variety, from mundane creatures you recognise, to fey parts, to elemental shards and scraps.

Tati: Can I take some ritual components?

Adam (playing Billie): They might be contaminated by Tarrasque exposure.

Tati: *hesitates* What do you guys think?

Hamish (playing Thaddeus): If I wasn’t guarding Lab 3 I’d already have taken some.

Tati: Good enough for me.

DM: Speaking of Tarrasque exposure, it seems that proximity for hundreds of years to the Tarrasque has imbued some of the elemental matter with its energy. There’s a jar with a pile of gravel taken from a rock elemental or something, and it’s formed itself into a tiny gravel golem which is currently asleep on the bottom of the jar.

Andy: *eyes light up* Oh my god!!! Can I have it?

Adam: No! No way!

Tati: Oh, go on! Let Una have a pet rock!

Adam (playing Billie): What do you think, guys?

Tati (playing Seraph): What does your sword say?

Adam: I do another Insight check on the Herald of Mercy.

DM: That strange electric feeling is still there, and you feel a faint tug straight down the corridor toward the far door.

Adam: That's where we're going, then. I knock on that door-

DM: Wait, wait. I dreamed this adventure, remember, I want to relish every part of it. The first door you pass has a sign on the door in Elven script reading 'Kitchen and Dining'.

Tati: *laughs*

DM: The next door is 'Library and Lounge'. The next has Draconic script rather than Elven, and is labelled 'Laboratory One'. The fourth door is back to Elven and says 'Bedroom'. The door at the end is Draconic and reads 'Laboratory Three'.

Andy (playing Una): Where's Laboratory Two?

Tati: Through Laboratory One maybe?

Adam: Now can I knock on the door?

DM: Yes. There's no answer.

Tati: Man. I'm getting such Gideon the Ninth vibes from this place.

DM: Good.

Tati: What? Can I make an Insight check on the DM??

DM: No.

Adam (playing Billie): *pouts* I haven't gotten a Sending.

Tati (playing Seraph): I think the Crownkeeper title has probably fallen into disuse, Gandarall's been broken up for over a thousand years at this point.

Adam: Wait, 'solo pilgrimage'? Do I have to go alone?

Marijn (playing Godric): Nah, we'll come with you.

Tati: If nothing else, we're not going to make you fend off Ioreth's goons on your own.

DM: Enough stories of sightings before and after each new ruler appeared with the crown have circulated to place the assumed location roughly in a mountain range to the south-west of Suda. Sand the genasi has narrowed it down further to the Red Mountain, the closest peak in the range.

Hamish (playing Thaddeus): How far away is that?

DM: Ten days hard travel on foot.

Tati: I say, "We're gonna need-" and I glance guiltily at Billie "-no offence whatsoever to Peanut, but I think if we're racing against Ioreth we're gonna need fast horses for this one."

Adam: "Oh, completely agree. Honestly, I think Peanut is well overdue for retirement, and we probably shouldn't harness her up again."

Tati: "Oh, thank goodness."

Marijn: I say, "She can graze in my orchard for the rest of her life."

Tati: "You're just letting her loose in the garden?"

Marijn: "Yeah. In my orchard."

Tati: "She needs a safe fenced area so she can't wander around and eat plants that might be poisonous to her."

Marijn: "She wouldn't do that."

Tati: "I have no idea what makes you think that."

Marijn: "I know what plants aren't safe for me. She does too."