#crossviewchurch

WEEK 4!!! It is already week 4. Oh. My. Goodness. This summer is going by so fast and I am in disbelief. After week 3, there were two weeks of relaxation since no teams signed up and one was a holiday week. I headed down to good ole Iowa for most of the restful two weeks to spend time with my family in Waterloo and Iowa City. It was such a blessing time to be able process the past three weeks and to catch up with friends. I got to go to Summer Salt Co. and that was sweet. 

Near the end of the two week break, I became anxious to get back to Minneapolis. When I got back to the Great North, it was so great to see Tyler (after three weeks), Maggie and Chris.  I was ready for the upcoming weeks but part of me was still in vacation mode and not in the best mood. I did not know if I was ready for the team coming in.

Was so pumped to get back to the beautiful lakes up North.

No matter if I was ready or not, Sunday came and the team came. This week’s team was from Indiana and a big team with roughly 30 people, the majority age range was high school age. It kind of reminded of the first week when we had 30 middle school students. The schedule that I got this week was pretty simple and consistent. Everyday my team went to a Salvation Army location and prepared a Vacation Bible Study (VBS) for the kids camp during the week. The VBS lasted all day except for two afternoons. In the afternoons off,  we were able to do other activities with other ministries. We handed out water bottles to the homeless through In Love and In Deed and (like every week) had the Culture Activity (Somalia Mall and Hmong Market).

When the team arrived, the same feelings that go through my mind were in no doubt flowing through. Excitement and also nervousness. You just never know what to expect. Am I going to make any connections this week? Are these people going to like me? Are the leaders and kids in my group going to like me and my leadership skills? You know, just some insecurities flowing to the surface.

So this week, I got paired up with three leaders from the group which was new for me, since I have always have had  been paired with one group leader. This week though,  I got paired up with three group leaders, Solomon, Jen and Josh. Each with very different strengths and personalities.

I am going to be totally honest in the beginning, this was not the easiest week for me. It was probably the hardest. This week was the week that broke me but this is week that I see the most growth in me, personally. Our VBS on Monday went well and it was cool to meet and get to know my group and the kids at the VBS. We left early on Monday, to head out with In Love and In Deed to speak to the homeless. During the time before heading off, I got into a discussion about evangelism with one of my leaders.  We both had different ways of evangelizing which is fine since God makes each one of us different. However, during that talk, I felt under attacked and thoughts of doubts on my leaderships skills began to set in. Thoughts of comparison began to creep in as well.

The afternoon went well though with In Love and In Deed and I pushed some of the students out of their comfort zones. It was awesome for me to see these students stepping out in faith on the very first day of the week. Tuesday though was not an easy day for me. As I said before thoughts of inadequacy began to fill my mind and I started to believe these lies. And obviously is was the Enemy plotting these thoughts in my mind. I never felt so spiritual under attack and so many insecurities just clouded my thoughts and confidence. So after coming back from the VBS, Chris literally took me aside and knew I was hurting. It is weird when you try to hide the pain but someone sees right through that. I am not huge at expressing my feelings and hate to be a burden to people with my problems but when I was with Chris, I broke. I broke down crying of all the inadequacies I was feeling the past 24 hours. I also ended opening up to two of my leaders about my feelings of not being good enough for them to lead this group. After I opened up to them, all that I had was flows of encouragement from my fellow leaders. I have never felt so encouraged in my life.  The next day was a huge flip and I felt more prepared to tackle the day. This just shows how important confessing sin and asking for help is. It just reminds me of one of my favorite Tenth Avenue North songs, “No Man Is An Island”.

“I won't run, I will stay I'm not leaving you I know there's friction here The struggle makes us new

I wish you never thought you had to go Wish you never thought you had to leave Together we can lift each other up We can build a shelter for the weak

No man is an island, we can be found No man is an island, let your guard down You don't have to fight me, I am for you We're not meant to live this life alone

I see fear in your eyes There's no safety here Oh, my friend, let me in I will share your tears

I wish you never thought you had to go I wish you never thought you had to leave We can always lift each other up We can build a shelter for the weak, come on”

I encourage y'all to listen to this song... 

We are not meant to live alone and suffer alone. There is such a sweet beauty when there is true community with fellow believers and that is how I felt when I opened up about struggle with my leaders, and Chris. We are just not meant to live alone. Together we are stronger.

The rest of week was so good and the Enemy did not have his strong ammo that he had earlier in the week.  Another thing I noticed when opening up to Chris and my other leaders, I see so much truth in putting on the Armor of God that is described in Ephesians 6.

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:11-17).

Yes, this is a long scripture but seriously this so relates to what I was feeling. If we do not have the Armor of God equipped how easy is it for the Enemy to attack us. I needed the belt of truth to fight the lies coming in, and you know without a belt what is going to hold up your pants? Nothing. Then that leads to stumbling. I needed the breastplate of righteousness to know the value that God has for me to be here this summer and to lead the group that He has given me. I needed the shield of faith so then I know that I am saved by grace and faith and not by my works. I also need the helmet of salvation to know that sin has no hold of me and the sword of the Spirit which is God’s word and that is the ultimate weapon against any of the attacks from the Enemy, the world or even ourselves.  

This passage is so true and is needed for me not just for the summer but always. The Enemy is always on the move and wants to destroy what is good.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10)

This week had a huge impact on me and would be a very long post if I jammed packed it all in one. God really has taught me a lot of things this summer and this week was jammed back full lessons. I have decided to write this week into parts since there are a couple more topics that I want to cover. So Part 2 coming soon.... Peace Friends.