#crosshairxreader

“No matter what happens,” Crosshair whispered into your ear from behind you, “don’t follow me.”

As Crosshair’s fist released the wad of your shirt behind you and stepped away, you fell to your knees with tears streaming down your face. Too stunned to speak or move, you heard him walk away. He didn’t seem to hesitate or pause, just disappeared down the halls. Gone. 

Crosshair made it very clear that you meant nothing to him. This entire time was such a chore to put up with you. The man may have been unnecessarily cold and contained but you still thought you were friends. What happened?

You glanced behind you to see if there was any sight of him, any sign that this was a dream. You found nothing. Sniffling and wiping your nose, you stumbled to your feet and got into the escape pod he left you in front of. This is bullshit, you told yourself. He’s such an asshole. 

The escape pod ejected from its housing and drifted for a few minutes. The pod managed to spin enough that your viewport gave you the opportunity to look at the Star Destroyer you had just infiltrated. You really thought that Crosshair would come back with you. After Kamino, after Crosshair admitted to having his chip removed, you thought a one-on-one interaction with him was all it would take to get him to come home.

How wrong you were.

You brought your comlink up to your mouth. Hesitation. You couldn’t call the Batch now. You left without a word. You left without a plan. 

Unbeknownst to them, you had been monitoring Imperial chatter ever since you all had left Crosshair on that platform on Kamino. You wanted Crosshair to come home so bad. Even if he didn’t want to see you, even if he didn’t give a damn about you, you wanted him to come home to his brothers. You could see how much they missed him. There was a Crosshair-shaped hole in the Bad Batch. There’s no way you could fill it. 

You lowered your arm. There’s no way they’d take you back. You stole a shuttle from the shipyard they had docked in. It was originally a quick land to refuel and restock. Instead, you stole. You followed a stupid dream and got stupid results. 

You must have taken too long to make any kind of decision. A tie fighter screamed past you and hailed your escape pod. 

“Surrender or be destroyed.”

So you surrendered. 

—-----

Imperial prisons were no joke. If it wasn’t mind-numbing meaningless and pointless wasting away in a cell, it was awful torture, making you wish you were dead. At least death would be a mercy.

You lost count of how many broken bones you’d been given. How many busted lips or blackened eyes? What did you look like? You’d forgotten. Has it been several years or a week?

Your feelings about the Bad Batch were correct. If they forgave you for leaving, they would have found you by now. They held this against you. 

The ray shield door fizzled out and two stormtroopers entered with blasters pointed at you. You were in binders and had swollen eyes and a suspected broken toe. It’s not like you could have fought back. An Imperial officer entered after them. 

“Another beautiful day, wouldn’t you agree?”

Attempting to look at him proved pointless. What little you could see was only through the slits of your swollen eyes was just shadows and motion.

“Ah, right. I guess we’ll have to lay off your face for a while so we can get your vision back.”

One of the stormtroopers pulled you to your feet by only pulling on the binders. This caused a hiss to leave your mouth as the metal pulled on your already tender wrists. 

“Well then. Let’s see if you’ll talk to us today. I’m sure you have plenty to say.” 

The stormtroopers dragged you out of the cell and down various halls. You put no effort into walking. It’s a wonder they bothered to hold you up at all. 

Before long you were in an upright interrogation bed again. The feeling of the straps around your wrists, legs, body and head was becoming too commonplace. More familiar than what you would call home. 

Footsteps approached you. “Tell me where Clone Force 99 is.”

Nothing. You couldn’t say anything. You had no idea where they were. They don’t care about you, never came for you, but you couldn’t give them up. Loyalty means everything to the clones.

An electric shock shot through your brain from both sides. A scream echoed through the room. Was that my scream? The electricity always hurts the most. It stung, it made the sides of your face numb. When the voltage is cut off, your head fell limp. The strap across your forehead bit into your skin.

Can you believe it, Crosshair? 

“How did you board the ship? What were you looking for?”

I don’t even know if I could speak if I tried.

Another electric shock to the brain. Your vision buzzed this time.

You’d be so pissed off that I couldn’t shut up, and now I can’t even find words to say.

“If you were to cooperate, the pain would end.”

Just kill me already. 

The electricity this time felt more intense, more powerful than any of the torture you’ve endured this whole time. It felt like it broke something, something in your head snapped. The pain was paralyzing. The shock to your body silenced you. 

It was silent for a while. You could hear yourself breathing, the shuffles of a few pairs of feet. No questions. No new pains. You couldn’t see anything. 

“Send in the clone,” the Imperial said angrily. “Maybe he can coax her into talking.”

More footsteps, an opening door, and then silence. 

You blinked your eyes several times. You couldn’t get them to focus. You tried to struggle against your restraints, but as always, you couldn’t escape. Your mind kept begging for relief. Why won’t they just kill me already? 

The door opened and slid closed. This time only one person entered, based on the step patterns. You waited for a question. You waited for some new pain.

The footsteps stopped right before you. You still couldn’t focus your vision. Tears started falling in a silent plea.

A sigh. “I told you not to follow me.”

Crosshair? 

“Why didn’t the others come for you?”

You choked out a sob. “Cross… hair?” Your voice was raspy. The only sounds it made anymore were screams, so your words sounded foreign to you.

He undid the strap that pinned your head in place. His hand grabbed your chin and tilted your head to look right at him. He looked into your eyes, so dead and void. Your pupils were blown wide and searching for something to lock onto. “Say something!”

“Cross, I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

The sobs were heavy and shook your whole body. “I can’t… I can’t see.”

Crosshair stared at you with his jaw slightly dropped. “Quit bluffing. You’re fine.”

You moved your head as much as you could. “I can’t see.” Saying it again made it sink in. The thing that broke, the thing that severed… it was your optic nerves.

“Look at me!” Crosshair barked. 

You knew what direction his voice was coming from, and even though you moved your eyes to point at him, there was nothing. 

Crosshair’s hand slipped away from your chin and he stumbled back a few steps in disbelief. 

The sound of your crying was the only thing you could hear. Crosshair was silent. Still. You don’t know how much time has passed, but the feeling of your restraints being undone jolted you. You fell into Crosshair’s arms. 

Having not been touched for so long added to the shock factor. Crosshair held you against him tightly. His hand propped up the back of your head against his chest. You heard his breath stutter. 

“I told you… I told you not to follow me for a reason. I didn’t think you’d be so unbelievably stupid. You stupid, stupid girl.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Cross. I didn’t mean to.”

He scoffed and leaned back. He brushed hair out of your face and stared at you, still unable to connect with your eyes. 

“Let’s get out of here.”

Crosshair hoisted you onto his back and drew his blaster from his hip. You held on tight. There was nothing you could do or say. You trusted him to get you out of there or you would die trying. Hope was slowly seeping into your veins. It was slowly reviving your faith. It was reminding you of what it felt like to be alive.

Although you couldn’t see, you could hear the opposition. Having you on his back didn’t seem to slow him down. You remembered what Crosshair looked like when he was focused and determined. Fighting separatist droids, cleaning his rifle, arguing with his brothers… 

“Hanging in there?” Crosshair threw over his shoulder at you. 

A small sound came from your throat. It was the best you could do. 

Before long you could feel the atmosphere open up into a large room. Is this the hanger? Blaster bullets shot through the air, some even close to you. Crosshair didn’t let anything touch you. He fought his way through the hanger and onto some kind of ship. He set you down in a crash seat and secured you with a harness. You could hear bullets hit the outside of the ship, some heavier artillery occasionally blasting into it. 

The ship was starting up. Being unable to see made you hear and feel things a little more differently. Right now you were trying to imagine what Crosshair looks like trying to pilot a ship. It’s always been Tech. You’d never get to see it. You’d never get to see him.

It was rough flying. However far away Crosshair was, he was working hard on getting the both of you free. The ship eventually entered hyperspace.

You still hadn’t moved. Your hands were gripped onto the safety harness. Your body felt frail in the seat. 

Crosshair’s presence announced itself with his walk. 

“Can you hear me?” he asked.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

He sneered. “Why did you come back?”

For a moment, you didn’t say anything. “I never left.”

Crosshair was angry. He worked so hard to get you a clean getaway from the Star Destroyer. And your dumb ass didn’t listen?

He unlocked the harness and lifted it over you. Your hands reached for some kind of stability and found it on Crosshair’s shoulders. He was kneeling before you.

“Can you… can you see anything?”

You tried moving your eyes around to hopefully, beggingfully see something. … Nothing. “No,” you whispered. 

Crosshair sighed out a breath that sounded like it fully deflated him. “Come here.”

You moved your head in a way that asked him what he meant. He then grabbed your hands and led you to the ground to sit. He maneuvered you to then sit between his legs. He hugged your back to his chest and held you tightly. You brought your knees up. One of his hands rested on your knee now. He adjusted himself just right to get comfortable and to also be able to hold you together the best he can.

“What are you doing, Crosshair?” you asked him with a little of a defeated tone.

He didn’t answer.

“Did you save me because you felt obligated to?”

Again, he didn’t answer.

Your head drifted around a bit. “Why–”

“Just shut up,” he said. 

You held your breath for a moment, then finally relaxed your tensed up body into him. For once, you listened to him and shut up. 

indented italic font is memory. bold faced text is present.

When that damned Lieutenant Asshole sent Mayday and Crosshair off, you weren’t too worried. Mayday has held this outpost together for over a year, and Crosshair was a previous member of Clone Force 99. It will be a walk in the park. 

Or so you thought.

The next day when a commotion started on the edge of the base, it caught your attention instantly. Are we under attack again? Assuming the worst, you grabbed your first aide kit and followed the rush of soldiers. 

After assessing the situation and finding that there was no attack, but instead it was the return of the two clones who were sent out, your run picked up pace. 

So many memories attacked your mind. 

The Republic had fallen, and the Empire has risen. You had finally spent your last credit getting to Coruscant. You worked hard while living hand to mouth on the streets of some backwater planet you can’t wait to forget the name of. You came to Coruscant to speak with the Jedi. You had powers that sounded like what the Jedi called the Force, so you wanted a mentor. 

The riots in the streets (being excitement or resentment) were starting just a few steps out of the spaceport. An Imperial-dressed clone trooper stopped you before you could walk through the turnstile. 

“What’s your business on Coruscant?” His tone startled you. 

“I uh–” panicking to find an answer, you mimicked a quiet voice you quickly overheard. “I’m here to enlist in the army.” Inwardly you were already punching yourself.

The clone raised an eyebrow. “You? Enlist?” he asked sarcastically. He gave you a glance up and down. “Okay, then. Not my place to judge, but be prepared,” he said with a condescending tone. He fumbled with a holopad in his hands. “Do you have a chain code yet?”

After going through the process of getting a chain code with your actual identity and instructions on where to go, you fell in line. You’d find a Jedi somehow, right?

Mayday looked like he was in rough shape. You’d have to tend to him first.

“Send a medic! We need help!”

You started to sprint to the call for help in the field, but the Imperial officer leading the mission held his arm out to prevent you from going to the cry. 

“Don’t bother. They’re just clones. Worry about the actual soldiers, not the cannon fodder.”

Heartbroken, tears forming in your eyes behind your helmet, you stayed put. After learning about the terrible fate of the Jedi, any kind of heroics were frightening to you. You hadn’t tried to use any Force abilities. You had no idea what any true Force abilities were. Despite the Empire knowing your real name, no one really knew who you were. 

Crosshair pushed past you, his shoulder shoving into yours. “They’re the ones that don’t matter. Then there are the ones who do.”

Even though he was wearing his own helmet, you could feel his piercing stare dive right through his visor, judging you for even caring about the regs. 

Mayday had fallen to his knees, Crosshair with him. You could barely hear Crosshair ask for help with Mayday. 

“Yeah, I guess the Jedi were good people. We served alongside them for the whole war. I don’t know what happened to make them turn on the chancellor.”

You listened to the clones in your medical wing just chatting away. 

“I'm not sure, some part of me finds it impossible to believe it, you know?” This clone rubbed his head sheepishly. “I mean, my general, he was a good man. I watched my brother shoot him down when we got the order.”

Crosshair was in the company of these clones as well. You were checking his shoulder for injury after a way too powerful kickback of his rifle. He grumbled.

“At least one of them knew how to follow orders.”

“Chill out, Cross,” you chided. You were lifting his arm up and pushing it in different directions and judging his reactions. “What’s your opinion? Why is his opinion any less valid than yours?”

With a glare and pursed lips, he pulled his signature toothpick out of his mouth. “Good soldiers follow orders.”

You scoffed. “That’s all I ever hear you say. ‘Good soldiers follow orders, good soldiers follow orders.’ It’s like you were programmed to say that.”

Crosshair turned his head away. He was not in the mood to justify his actions. 

You rotated his arm one last way and earned a hiss from him. 

“Theeeerrre it is. There’s the pain. You need to rest this. I don’t trust you to take some muscle relaxers on your own, so,” you reached to the tray nearby and grabbed a little cup, “I need you to take them now and then you can go. 

He looked at the small pills in the container, then to you. He grabbed them and downed them without a drink. 

“Let me know if it doesn’t get any better in a few days.”

Crosshair grunted. His eyes traveled to the divider that split this area from the other rooms and clones. He was still listening to the men talk.

“You weren’t there,” he said quietly. 

“Hm? Was that aimed at me?”

“You weren’t there,” he repeated. “So even if you heard my opinion, you couldn’t believe me.”

You crossed your arms and almost felt sorry for him. “I’m still interested. I know how you look when the empire tries to deem you expendable.” You shrugged and put your hands on your hips. “You’re all human to me. Each of you matter.”

He seemed interested in your words, but the curiosity ended abruptly. He left without a word. 

“They don’t need medical attention!” the Lieutenant barked. 

Everything you learned about Jedi and what they used to be was all from bits and pieces you’d catch in conversations. Some clones had a fond memory or two. 

After learning about meditation, you gave it a try. Since you actually didn’t know how that worked, you probably tried a little too hard. It wasn’t working. After a couple weeks, you were able to sense feelings in people. Sometimes the emotions were colors or they simply bled onto you and engulfed you with the feeling. It could be overwhelming.

A loud pounding was heard from the frame of your office door. “CT-9904 has been recovered. Clear him for service or decommission him.”

Blinking in awe and watching the officer walk away, you couldn’t believe how many times that a clone was recommended for “decommissioning,” it always hurt more than the last time.

CT-9904… that was… Crosshair! Excitedly you jumped up and ran to the clinic. You could see him again! He’d been missing for over a month! You prayed that he was okay. 

The Force was reaching for him. You wanted to know how he was doing before you saw him. The anticipation was too much. That jerk of a clone was refreshing. 

In return, the Force gave you signals of a life in despair, mentally and physically. Crosshair was in so much pain. 

Skidding to a halt before the door leading to him, you couldn’t hide the shock and surprise. He was weak and frail. His Force signature was faded from it's usual vibrance.  

“You…?”

You rushed to his side and instantly started checking vitals and fluids. A laugh escaped your lips. “What the hell, Cross? I thought you were invincible!”

Crosshair turned his head away to keep you out of his line of sight. “Put me back into service. I don’t need to be here.”

“Shut up, Crosshair.”

You got to work. You were ordering tests and scans, medications and nutritions. At one point you passed a cabinet which held something very important. It was something you placed in there for special occasions. Which didn’t seem all that special when you count the numerous times Crosshair had been in the clinic. He came by even when he was not injured. He told you it was because you were ‘the least irritating person but not immune to causing irritation.’

You opened the cabinet and retrieved the item. 

“Hey, Cross.”

He glanced your way without moving his body. 

You flicked a toothpick his way. He caught it with a single hand. He stared at it briefly before pinching it between his teeth harshly. 

You eventually cleared him to return to service.

You grit your teeth together in frustration. The Force in Mayday was flickering, fading. 

“Lieutenant, he’s dying!” you cried.

Lieutenant Nolan turned his angry snarl towards you. “I gave you an order! Stand down. Let these expendables expire!”

Crosshair spoke your name as he entered your office. 

Your sleepy figure looked at the tall twig of a man. “What’s going on? Are you injured?”

He didn’t acknowledge your questions. “You’re assigned to my mission. I’m here to tell you we’re leaving for Barton-4 in the morning.”

Crosshair’s Force signature was different. His smug aura was instead calm. He held some hesitation in the background. Since you didn’t say anything, he turned around to leave.

“What are you not telling me?” you asked him.

He froze in his movement. He grinded the toothpick in his mouth and pushed it to the other side. “You’re the only medic I trust. I requested you for this mission.”

You nodded, accepting this confession. He was telling the truth. “Okay. I’ll meet you in the hangar tomorrow.”

He nodded and faced the doorway. He was quiet for a while. “Do you… remember when you asked for my opinion?”

Blanking for a minute, you weren’t sure what he was referring to. 

“I worked with a few Jedi. They were alright, I guess.”

You hesitated. Does he know what you are? 

He grimaced and turned to fully face you. “I finally give you what you wanted, and you ignore me?!”

Not meaning to, you laughed. It was a hearty, full belly laugh. 

Crosshair didn’t know what you were doing. Were you mocking him? What the hell was so funny?

“I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed while out of breath. A few chuckles were coming out. “It’s just, I never expected you to–to be open with me. That felt really special.”

Crosshair threw his toothpick at you and left.

Mayday faded away. His life Force had gone. You felt it flow through you and away like it had used you as a doorway or passage to return to the living Force itself. 

So many emotions were reeling on Crosshair’s face, and his aura was violent. The emotions he was projecting through the Force were suffocating you. 

In the shuttle on the way to Barton-4, you sat next to Crosshair since he was the only thing you were familiar with. It had been a long time since you were sent away from Coruscant. The empire made you discard your old armor. It may not have been that old, but they also stripped you of your field clearance so you didn't need it anymore. The new armor was foreign and didn't feel right at all. How did Crosshair get this approved?

Crosshair had his helmet on and was strapped into a harness, so you couldn’t read his expressions you’ve gotten to know. His hands were resting at his sides. He tapped on the side of his helmet. 

“Everything is going to be fine.” He was speaking directly to your private comm channel in your helmet. 

You turned your head his way slightly, just enough to catch him in your peripherals. You pressed the same button on your helmet to return the connection. 

“I don’t believe you.” You meant to sound snarky but it came out afraid. 

Crosshair glanced down at you suddenly. Your helmet turned fully his way now. You knew he was asking for clarification. You couldn’t give him one, though. How do you explain to him that you have a bad feeling about this?

“You… you could have saved him,” Crosshair forced out.

The Force never felt so strong in you as it did now. Failing to move away from the situation you had fallen to your knees. You lifted your helmet off your head and dropped it on the ground as you watched Crosshair like a hawk.

Still stuck in this staring contest. The sound of the engines was significantly noisy. The Lieutenant was scrolling on his holopad, the tapping of his fingers sounding like a metronome. Are the minutes being counted down? Is this it? Did someone catch on to your connection to the force? Does Crosshair know? Wait--no, it isn't about you--

“I’m scared,” you whispered. 

Crosshair’s gloved hand brushed against your leg briefly. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Quit being so cryptic.”

“Cross, I’m not the one in danger.”

“Crosshair!!” you screamed out. 

“How could you possibly know that?”

The Lieutenant called for your silence again.

“I…”

Your fists clench against the cold ground.

Crosshair grumbled. “Do you have something to say?”

The Force began rumbling beneath your hands. The very scattered and small total of pebbles rattled against the concrete. You were begging the Force to prevent anything terrible from happening to Crosshair.

You could tell him… right? He’d protect you, right? 

“Spit it out!”

Crosshair witnessed the anomaly happening around you with wide eyes. After hearing what the Lieutenant had to say about his feelings on clones… Crosshair couldn’t let the Lieutenant see you. The monster of a man would treat you the same. 

“Lieutenant!”

“I can’t lose you, too.”

An echoing blaster shot went straight into Lieutenant Nolan’s chest. The shock of the event cut your tie to the Force. Crosshair saw the air around you settle, but he didn’t know what to do about the action he just committed. 

“Drop your weapon! Don’t move!”

Troopers rushed Crosshair with blasters raised. You wanted to run to his aid. Crosshair was injured as well. You went to stand, but a trooper’s hand pushed you back down to your knees. The whole time you have been with the Imperial army, you told yourself–no heroics. You can’t stand out. You’d be in danger.

“Crosshair!!!”

You fought the hold on you and rushed toward Crosshair. You needed to protect him. You had to heal him. You needed to fight for him!

Your hand was outstretched and reaching for him. The expression on his face flickered through many expressions. He reached for you, too. He looked hopeful, but the last thing you saw on his face was horror.

You suddenly collapsed to the ground, feeling paralyzed. They hit you with a stun?

Crosshair reached for your body. He almost grabbed your hand, but the troopers wrestled him away. You lost consciousness before you could see the outcome of Crosshair’s fate.

–part 2 maybe after finding out what happens to crosshair idk ily bye