“Hal picks up a porcelain mask off of a box and hucks it as hard as he fucking can against a wooden wall, and it shatters and sprays little bits of jagged porcelain, cutting his cheek, and he strides out of the room, out into the dark in the middle of the Round.”-Liam
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"As the city comes to life over your own neighborhood, you see a flight of magpies, black wings, white breasts, take to the sky, flying over the stream as the mist rises on this gray day.
It is here, under the Guardian Wall, that they have strung up the hangman's noose to kill your brother, Thjazi Fang."
Volunteer Opportunities for the week of September 11, 2017
Transcribing: Episode 110.5
WHEN: Episode 110.5 (Bar Room Blitz) needs to be finished by September 17 so we can begin the editing phase of the transcripts.
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Editing: Episode 110
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The unfinished episodes are: 65.5 (The Return of Liam!), 77 (Clash at Daxio), 78 (The Siege of Emon), and 79 (Thordak).
Translation
Do you want to translate an episode of Critical Role? Check out the Translation Instructions!
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Volunteer Opportunities for the week of April 10, 2017
Editing: Episode 91
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Transcribing: Episodes 92 & 93
WHEN: Episode 92 (Deals in the Dark) needs to be finished by April 16, episode 93 (Bats out of Hell) by April 23 so we can begin the editing phase of the transcripts.
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Translation
Do you want to translate an episode of Critical Role? Check out the Translation Instructions!
SAM: Could be Robo-Chai [ch pronounced as in Hebrew].
BRIAN: Robo-Chai [Hebrew pronunciation] wants to know, Liam--
LIAM: Yeah.
BRIAN: Why didn't Vax cash in on that theater date when they were in Va-SELL-heem [sic]?
LIAM: Va-SELL-heem?
BRIAN: Vasselheim.
LIAM: The theater is not in Va-SELL-heem.
BRIAN: I know.
LIAM: So... I don't know.
BRIAN: Why didn't he cash in on the theater when it's not there? That's what they want to know.
LIAM: Yeah. I dunno.
MARISHA: We did in real life. We did it real-lifesies.
LIAM: Yeah, we had a big--
BRIAN: Fun Home!
LIAM: --big Vox Machina date night.
SAM: Oh! We saw--yeah.
MARISHA: Finally made it to the theater.
SAM: We all went out to the theater together--
BRIAN: Sorry I missed it.
SAM: --and saw some quality musical theater in Los Angeles.
LIAM: Oh, quality.
SAM: It was good.
MARISHA: So good.
LIAM: We all wept--
MARISHA: We ugly cried the whole time.
LIAM: --ate good food--
SAM: Yeah, it was great
LIAM: So good.
MARISHA: Yeah.
SAM: Good show.
BRIAN: I didn't go.
MARISHA: You were missed.
LIAM: Yeah, that was by design.
SAM: [whispering] I just got my--I just got my Hamilton tickets today.
BRIAN: Restraining order--
LIAM: FUCK YOU, SAM! SHUT UP!
BRIAN: You did?!
LIAM: NEXT QUESTION!
BRIAN: Do you know how he got those--
MARISHA: Wait, did you really?
BRIAN: Do you know how he got--
MARISHA: Oh, you diiiick!
BRIAN: --those Hamilton tickets? Swallowing swords.
[all laughing]
SAM: It's cavernous. My throat is cavernous.
BRIAN: Hashtag: MyThroatIsCavernous. Sam, Warden [user] wants to know--Ooh, the Warden--when do you think Tary's going to realize how close he's coming to dying? Does someone have to die and not come back before his crippling fear kicks in?
LIAM: Yeah, are you Paul Reiser in Aliens?
BRIAN: Oh, good pull!
SAM: Uh, I'm Paul Reiser in Mad About You.
BRIAN: It's kind of true.
SAM: Uh, I, uh, I think he is scared. Puts on a brave face around the gang, but if Matt ever cuts to him at night, it's just mostly shaking and, uh, and bargaining with death. I think he's super-scared and intimidated and he hasn't really thought this whole Nine Hells thing through. They've talked about it, but I think he's gonna be--he's gonna be pretty worried to go, ah, because yeah, being knocked out underwater is certainly the closest thing he's come to any real danger in his life. Um, and that's probably pretty--pretty hard to take.
LIAM: Oh man, Taryon is me.
SAM: Yeah. Yeah! He has soft hands.
BRIAN: He does, yeah.
MARISHA: Are you saying there's like a chance that Taryon will chicken out?
BRIAN: Are you saying there's a chance?
SAM: Sure, there's always a chance.
MARISHA: That he's gonna bail?
SAM: Maybe I'll roll for it.
MARISHA: Oh man.
SAM: Right now? Let's do it!
BRIAN: No, it'll break the--the thing.
SAM: Let's do it. I'll do it on the floor.
BRIAN: It'll break the floor!
[all laughing]
BRIAN: Dude, Jill [sic] doesn't fuck around with his blogsmithing [sic].
LIAM: Don't fuck us, Jill [sic].
SAM: Jesus, this is heavy.
BRIAN: Don't fuck us, Jill [sic].
SAM: All right.
MARISHA: Yeah, it's gonna cost us like $600 to ship that to the lucky winner.
SAM: Here goes.
BRIAN: Well, y'know what?
SAM: Ten or more, I'm brave enough.
BRIAN: Whoever sends me the--
MARISHA: Ten or more and you're brave enough?
SAM: And I'm brave enough, yeah.
LIAM: Get it.
BRIAN: I can't see from that far.
MARISHA: [gasps]
SAM: Don't tell the people.
LIAM: Noice. So long, Taryon!
SAM: Welp, I guess Taryon's gonna leave next episode, so tune in for that guys. Gotta work on my new character. Let's see here, he's...I'm just spitballing. I'm looking up at the ceiling--he's a pipe! He's a pipe.
BRIAN: He's a pipe.
MARISHA: Mm. Okay. Yeah.
SAM: Nope? Uh, he's a sprinkler! Nope? Ah...ah...ah...oh, he's an asshole!
[all reacting]
MARISHA: Word association.
BRIAN: I've been called worse things. Smart. Marisha--
[laughing]
BRIAN: --I am digging your shoes, Dicegasm [user] says.
MARISHA: Thanks!
BRIAN: Would like to get a pair for my wife.
MARISHA: These are--remember, Laura had some--
BRIAN: What's the brand?
MARISHA: --she has the Zelda ones. These are like the--the NES VANS. They put out a line of the Nintendo VANS...
BRIAN: I'm wearing Star Wars VANS right now.
LIAM: Yeah, nerd, yeah.
MARISHA: Laura has the Zelda ones and these are the Duck Hunt ones!
BRIAN: Those are awesome. Duck Hunt. Okay, Dicegasm, you just made your wife's birthday, or month. Question for Leave-Him Or-Fry-Him.
LIAM: Yeah.
BRIAN: From Reese-master3000 [user]: Vax isn't thinking about marriage, but who would be his best man: Vex, or one of the guys?
MARISHA: Oh, holy shit.
LIAM: Oh, Vex.
SAM: Good question.
LIAM: Vex.
BRIAN: Great question.
LIAM: I mean he's--they're not going down that road, but Vex. Absolutely Vex.
MARISHA: Yeah, would definitely be your best man. Yeah. She would stand behind him.
SAM: What if you had an extended wedding party?
LIAM: Oh, well...
SAM: Let's say three people. Vex is best man, then two others. Two others.
MARISHA: Jeeze.
LIAM: My god. Vex...then it would go, uh...oh man...
MARISHA: This is a hard enough question in real life, I just want to put that out, cause I'm--
LIAM: Yeah, yeah, been there.
MARISHA: --in the middle of it.
SAM: How about that little boy that you took a liking to?
LIAM: Oh, yeah, totally Kynan--
SAM: Sure.
LIAM: --would be my flower boy and he could throw--
SAM: Gilmore?!
LIAM: --uh, Gilmore would be in the wedding party, sure. Yeah.
MARISHA: Really?
LIAM: A hundred percent, Gilmore would be in the wedding party.
MARISHA: 'cause we would like--
SAM: Ring-bearer?
MARISHA: --okay, 'cause Keyleth and Vax would fight over who's standing on whose side.
LIAM: You'd want Gilmore?
SAM: Yeah, who's in Keyleth's party?
MARISHA: Nonono.
LIAM: Right.
MARISHA: But I would--I'd probably want Percy.
LIAM: Let's hash this out.
MARISHA: Wait--
LIAM: Are we going to do the table seating as well?
MARISHA: --who's officiating? Who's officiating?
LIAM: Uh...
MARISHA: 'cause maybe Gilmore officates.
SAM: Wait, wait, wait, before we get to officiating, who's in Keyleth's wedding party?
BRIAN: Gilmore should absolutely officiate.
MARISHA: It depends on who's officiating.
SAM: Three people.
LIAM: I think--I think Allura.
BRIAN: Wait, why does it depend on who's officiating?
MARISHA: Allura?
LIAM: Allura should officiate.
MARISHA: Because they might be in my wedding party if they're not officiating.
BRIAN: Ohhhhh.
LIAM: This is so...
SAM: It's gonna be--
LIAM: ...layered and...
MARISHA: This is so ridiculous.
SAM: --Pike. Pike. Pike could officiate.
MARISHA: Tumblr's just exploding right now.
LIAM: Pike could--Pike could officiate.
SAM: Pike could officiate.
LIAM: That's true.
MARISHA: Oh my goooood!
SAM: Also--oh wait! Captain--the captain we just met.
BRIAN: Captain Jack Sparrow!
LIAM: The universe is folding in on itself.
MARISHA: Yes!
SAM: No! Captain Adella! 'cause a ship's captain--
BRIAN: Oh yeah.
SAM: --can marry people. [Ed. note: this is mostly a myth.]
LIAM: We just met that woman. C'mon.
MARISHA: No, Pike. Pike!
SAM: So Pike's going to officiate and then who's in your wedding party? Y'gotta pick--
MARISHA: Percy.
SAM: Kay.
LIAM: Well, Scanlan hit the bricks, so I'd might've--
SAM: Yeah, he's gone.
LIAM: --had difficulty with Scanlan and Grog, but it'd be Vex, it'd be Grog, it'd be...Gilmore. If I had three.
MARISHA: Vex for...okay, you're taking Grog.
LIAM: Yeah. Oh, so that would be one that we'd have to--
MARISHA: Fight over?
LIAM: Go back and forth on.
MARISHA: Yeah. No, you can have Grog. That's fair.
LIAM: I would let Grog go to Keyleth if she--
MARISHA: No, he talked in your resurrection, that's fine.
LIAM: What is this conversation?
SAM: It's great. It's great! I'm not--this is--I'm so into this.
BRIAN: I'm halfway through all of the stuff I have to do to get ready for my taxes. While you guys were doing that, I was just thinking about my taxes.
SAM: Sorry, Brian.
BRIAN: Oh, you're fine. You're fine.
SAM: Run the show, run the show.
LIAM: We could probably get Doctor--
MARISHA: Uh, Ker.
LIAM: Ker, absolutely!
MARISHA: She'd have Ker.
BRIAN: Ker, yeah.
LIAM: Absolutely, absolutely. We'd get Doctor Dranzel and Kaylie to come and play the wedding.
SAM: Sure.
LIAM: Be awkward, though, because is Scanlan gonna be there, is he not, don't know.
SAM: Yeah, they'll still play the hits, though.
LIAM: Yeah.
SAM: They'll do--
MARISHA: Maybe like Allura, too.
SAM: --an Earth, Wind, and Fire song.
LIAM: Allura.
MARISHA: Maybe Allura for Keyleth.
LIAM: That makes sense.
MARISHA: Eh, it's tough.
LIAM: That makes sense.
MARISHA: Yeah? Yeah?
BRIAN: Question from Kevala-After-Dark [user]: Brian, screw these guys, how's your game going?
SAM: The first question--
LIAM: Yes!
SAM: --to Brian--
MARISHA: Yeah!
SAM: --Foster on the show?
LIAM: I don't know if it's the first.
BRIAN: Jill [sic] asked one a few weeks ago.
LIAM: How is that game going?
BRIAN: My game is going great. We've had threeeee? so far. We lost a person. We lost a player.
SAM: They died?
LIAM: Oh, did Will--
SAM: They died?
LIAM: Did Will Friedle kill somebody? One of the players?
BRIAN: Not yet, but Will's doing some really shady shit that I'm kinda worried about.
LIAM: Not surprised.
BRIAN: I'm excited about it...
LIAM: Not surprised.
BRIAN: ...but I'm worried, Will. It's going really good! Um, yeah we lost Ryder Strong, so now we're just half of Boy Meets D&D.
LIAM: Lost...
MARISHA: Oh, yeah, sure sure sure.
LIAM: ...how?
BRIAN: He's busy.
LIAM: Life in the way?
BRIAN: He has a child. Yeah. You guys know how it is, with the kids.
MARISHA: Yeah, y'know, it's like freshman year of college. Half of 'em go.
BRIAN: Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, I was like--
SAM: Half of 'em go?
BRIAN: --freshman year of college, let's see, I burned down the school, uh...
MARISHA: Didn't they do that to you in college, where they were like in your orientation and they were like, "Look to your left, look to your rife [sic] -- right, one of you two--"
BRIAN: Look to your rife!
MARISHA: Rife!
LIAM: Uh, they told me--
SAM: One of those people won't be here?!
MARISHA: Yeah. They did that to me.
SAM: What college did you two go to?
BRIAN: No, they said--no, what they say is, they say look to your right, look to your left, and they say you probably won't see a lot of these people again after today.
LIAM: I'm pretty sure in my--
MARISHA: You will bury them--
LIAM: --acting studio--
MARISHA: --in the back of your [inaudible]
LIAM: --a guy said most of these people will get out of the business.
SAM: That is true.
BRIAN: He did?
LIAM: Yes.
MARISHA: Yeah, it's a douchey actory thing, like I went to an actory, conservatory school that I spent way too much money on, so...
SAM: Oh.
MARISHA: Yeah. That's what they do to you.
SAM: It's funny, 'cause on our first--the first time we played D&D, that's what we all said to each other as well.
MARISHA: Oh yeah, look to your left, look to your right--
SAM: Yeah, half of us won't be here next week.
MARISHA: --won't be here at the end of this, yeah. Wait, that's kind of what happens.
BRIAN: No, it's been fun.
MARISHA: Good.
BRIAN: Uh, we have eight now, so I mean it's like okay, we're fine.
SAM: You had nine?!
BRIAN: With our DM, yeah--
LIAM: Wow, nine?
SAM: Whoa, that's too many.
BRIAN: --we were stocked up like you guys.
[all talking overlapping]
MARISHA: So you're a seven-person party now?
BRIAN: We are, and it's really good. I'm made of glass and fragile and delicate, but I'm level two--
LIAM: You, Brian, or your character?
BRIAN: Well, we all know me. I am as fragile of heart as they come.
LIAM: I don't know if that's true.
SAM: It's true.
BRIAN: I don't either. I find it suspicious.
MARISHA: I learned that by your Punisher shirt.
BRIAN: Maaaan. Lot of love for the Punisher. Can't wait for the show.
MARISHA: You should watch it--you should watch your love for the Punisher on your episode of Signal Boost!
BRIAN: On Shignal Broost [sic]!
MARISHA: Whaaaat.
SAM: Are you hosting?
LIAM: Cross-promotion!
BRIAN: I already did.
MARISHA: It's already out, man.
BRIAN: I filmed it.
MARISHA: Yeah.
BRIAN: Lots of people quit that day.
LIAM: Brain [sic], yours is out? I didn't see it?
BRIAN: It's not out, it's not out.
LIAM: No.
BRIAN: It's not out, no. They have to censor a lot of it, right?
MARISHA: Oh right, oh yeah, no, it's not out. It's not out.
BRIAN: It's not out. It'll be a few weeks.
MARISHA: I think I've seen the rough cut--
LIAM: It's 7% out.
BRIAN: Yeah, it'll be a few weeks.
MARISHA: --that's why I'm thinking it is out.
LIAM: It's--
MARISHA: No, yeah, it'll be a couple more--actually, I think we have pick-ups to film after this episode.
BRIAN: Signal Boost.
MARISHA: That's a true story.
BRIAN: It's a great show. When are you going to host it, Sam? Liam did it, I did it.
SAM: Liam hosted Signal Boost?!
BRIAN: Yeah, same day I did!
LIAM: Sure did, son.
MARISHA: Sure did.
BRIAN: We filmed it back to back to back!
SAM: Has everyone hosted this show except for me at this point?
LIAM: No.
MARISHA: I will say I think you might be one of our number one most requested people.
LIAM: Makes sense.
SAM: I've never even seen the show. [laughing]
BRIAN: Do you remember that guy, Scott Peterson?
MARISHA: That's not true! Hey, you told--you said you watched like the first episode--
SAM: I did.
MARISHA: --at--
SAM: And I liked it a lot.
MARISHA: --and you said you liked it, and you were super-surprised, it was like six weeks after it came out--
LIAM: That's just the thing--
MARISHA: --and then I think you had watched it.
LIAM: --he's a really good liar.
[all laughing]
MARISHA: Yeah, I know! Don't toy with my emotions, Sam Riegel!
SAM: I did see it, I did see it.
MARISHA: I'm sitting here thinking you're proud of me.
SAM: I am proud of you.
LIAM: We are proud of you.
MARISHA: Then watching my--
SAM: I love the show. I think it's great.
MARISHA: --watching my dumb comedy dumbness.
SAM: No, I saw it. It was about you picking your dress for your marriage, I think.
MARISHA: Yeah, my fake marriage--
SAM: Yeah.
MARISHA: --in D&D land.
LIAM: ...didn't that just happen?
SAM: No, I--I think--I think I saw it and I remember it being good.
MARISHA: Thank you.
BRIAN: Well, guys...
MARISHA: That's gonna be on the back of our DVD when it comes out. "I think I saw it and I remember it being good?" - Sam Riegel.
LIAM: Sam Riegel says--
MARISHA: New York Times.
LIAM: "I think I saw it; I thought it was very good."
MARISHA: Yeah.
BRIAN: Poor, poor Alpha chat people.
SAM: I'm horrible. I don't watch anything.
BRIAN: Okay, we gotta get through a couple more questions.
LIAM: Yeah, we do.
BRIAN: These poor Alpha chat people sent all these questions--
LIAM: Sorry, Alpha.
BRIAN: --we're sitting here with our dicks in our hands like a bunch of Tarry-Ons [sic].
LIAM: Especially Marisha.
BRIAN: Zicole [user]! Think of Nicole, except with a Zic.
LIAM: Zic-Hole?
BRIAN: Being professional VO actors--Sam, you're gonna fucking love this question.
SAM: I am the best.
BRIAN: Being professional VO actors, how often do you consider taking roles in the theater?
SAM: Consider taking roles? I'm gonna throw this one to Liam O'Brien.
LIAM: Oh man, I sit and stare at my wall in the middle of the night and think, "God, wouldn't it be so good to be on the stage again except that I want to make more than a nickel a week."
MARISHA: Yeah.
LIAM: Um...
BRIAN: Favorite play you were in.
LIAM: It was the Cripple of Inishman, [affecting Irish accent] same playwright. I played a crippled little Irishaman in a two-thousand seat theater when I was twenty-two. This was in the 30s. [normal accent] Martin McDonough was the playwright. I was the lead in a show in Salt Lake City, away for the first time.
SAM: Theater capital of Utah.
LIAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh man. But that's eons ago. No, I mean I love what I'm doing. I love the weird, elven, dorky, robot worlds that we populate during the day. I fuckin' love playing D&D every Thursday night, so. I did miss the theater a lot until I started this show because it scratches--
BRIAN: That itch.
LIAM: --that actor improv itch very well.
MARISHA: Da.
SAM: Yeah, I mean same. Same answer over here. I am a boy of the theater and I haven't done a stage play in several years now. My last one was the stage version of Freakdance: The Forbidden Dirty Boogaloo. We did that on stage for a number of years before we shot the movie.
BRIAN: Timeless classic.
SAM: Timeless classic. And, uh, but no, this--this definitely feels like it's a performance. There's an audience, there's a cast, there's lights, I put on lots of makeup.
BRIAN: Yeah.
SAM: And, uh, and it--it feels like it's a--it's a show. But man, wouldn't it be great to do a show-show? Like a theater show?
LIAM: Yeah.
SAM: Maybe you and me should write a two-man...thing. Like a...like one of those pretentious, like ones where we have a little scene and then one of us freezes and the other one like turns to the audience and says, like, "And that's when I realized my life wasn't getting any better than this" and then we're back in the scene.
LIAM: How 'bout you just get on my body.
[laughing]
SAM: That'll be good too. Or we could just do a two-hour fuckfest.
MARISHA: Or you could do a--
SAM: People would pay like twenty bucks to just watch us just rail each other.
MARISHA: --you could do a podcast that could have more than eight episodes.
BRIAN: You can come to my house after the show and see something quite similar. Did you do theater growing up?
MARISHA: I did! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
BRIAN: I did, too.
MARISHA: I did. Did we--ah my god--
LIAM: And dancing?
MARISHA: --did we all do theater, you guys?
BRIAN: I did 1984, 16-years old, senior year of high school, took me three and a half months to learn all the lines with my dad after school for like four or five hours a day 'cause it's basically a one-man show except a couple other characters, but...
MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, 1984. It's bananas.
BRIAN: That was fun. It was a challenge. I did only comedy in theater all throughout high school and stuff at that point, so it was fun to do a more serious part but I missed--there's nothing like it.
LIAM: Nothing like it.
MARISHA: No.
BRIAN: Nothing like it.
MARISHA: You get the live reaction from the audience.
LIAM: It's like surfing. You get that energy right in your face and it charges you up.
BRIAN: And you can pee while you're in there.
LIAM: Mm-hmm.
MARISHA: Yeah.
BRIAN: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight folks. Uh, I would like to thank Courtney for collating all the answers--the questions we didn't answer from the Alpha chat.
LIAM: We got to, like, two or three, right?
BRIAN: Let's ask one more, fuck this.
MARISHA: Yeah.
SAM: We're doing one more?
BRIAN: Fuck the cat-petting executives and their rules.
MARISHA: Us planning out our bridal party in our imaginary world--
SAM: Was half the show.
MARISHA: --was very important.
LIAM: Blame it on us, Brian.
BRIAN: Marisha, would you consider not--we're gonna do lightning round--would you consider not taking the 18th level of Druid to avoid living longer or would you rather have those sweet 18/20 level abilities?
MARISHA: Fuck that, I'm going for gold, bitcheeeeeees!
BRIAN: What is the one class you would want--never want to play either because of mechanics or personal playstyles?
SAM: Gunslinger!
LIAM: To never play?
BRIAN: Never play, yeah.
LIAM: Bard, because you've owned it.
SAM: Noooo.
MARISHA: Aww.
LIAM: Yes. Yes.
BRIAN: Yeah, that's true, it would be a hard ass to follow.
BRIAN: Well, we have questions from the Alpha chat, which we take for this portion of the show.
MATT: Hi, Alpha chat!
MARISHA: [in a lispy voice] Hi, Alpha chat!
BRIAN: We have questions for Matt and Marisha and for Fan Friction Film, sometimes Films.
CAIT (VEX): Sometimes, but only sometimes.
BRIAN: Up first. Question for Marisha. What's it like seeing cosplays of Keyleth compared to how you view her in your head.
MARISHA: I love every single one. One of my favorite things about, like, seeing all the Keyleth cosplays is seeing each person's interpretation of her. It's the same way that I feel about like the fan art as well 'cause they're all our own mind-canons... head-canons... I like mind-canons.
BRIAN: Last week you said "future-thinky."
MATT: Mind Cannon is, I think, a level six ability.
MARISHA: Future thinky!
BRIAN: Last week she said--she was like, "It's good to be future-thinky."
MATT: [talking quietly about "Mind Cannons"]
BRIAN: Yeah, those Mind Cannons? Yeah. More powerful than a Firebolt.
MATT: Yeah. Well, that's kind of what's cool about, y'know, shows like this, because, y'know, while Kit did the official designs--"official"--it's open to such interpretation because each character is by everyone's imagination. It's all just a narrative thing, so everyone has their own idea--their own creation of what they interpret--
MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: --and that is kind of why it's so amazing to see people in many ways do a better job, y'know, illustrating or showing things that I imagine in my head.
MARISHA: And we dressed as our characters for the opening title sequence--
MATT: Right.
MARISHA: --so we know how difficult and uncomfortable this shit is.
MATT: Yeah.
MARISHA: So every time we see someone we're like, "Damn!"
MATT: I feel you.
MARISHA: Yeah, like this? [gestures to the FFF group] Yeah, we feel you.
CAIT (VEX): Well, and like--
BRIAN: Brandon got here three weeks ago to start putting on makeup.
MARISHA: I know, right! Basically.
CAIT (VEX): Every time you guys add something to the character, like, in canon, like every time they get a new, like, item--
BRIAN: Or a vestige, or yeah.
CAIT (VEX): Yeah, something happens. It's cool as a cosplayer to A) have some creative freedom to do, like, maybe you've wanted to build something that looks like this but you haven't had, like, a reason to do it before or, like, B) to continue to be able to, like, add and evolve a costume. Like, you're never--you're never really done with it.
[general agreement]
CAIT (VEX): And it's also nice too that there's no, like, true, like, canon-canon-canon version of this because cosplay can--it can get kind of competitive sometimes. People, like--
MARISHA: Want the screen-accurate--
CAIT (VEX): --want--yeah, they want the screen accurate--
MARISHA: Yeah.
CAIT (VEX): --or they want--they want to be the best or whatever--
MARISHA: Right.
CAIT (VEX): --and with this, that's--that's gone, it's eliminated! You can just celebrate the fact that you and somebody else both like the same character enough to make the same costume and that's super cool.
BRIAN: That's awesome.
MARISHA: That's an interesting point that I never thought of, that this is like a weird cosplay where you can actually like level it up with us, which is kinda sick! That's amazing!
CAIT (VEX): If you have Cabal's Ruin--
JULIE (PERCY): I have Cabal's Ruin--
CAIT (VEX): --in the Green Room I think?
MATT: That's awesome!
CAIT (VEX): Yeah!
MARISHA: But yeah, I was just telling Elizabeth [Keyleth cosplayer] before the show I loved the gradient butterflies--
[Elizabeth stands up to show the butterflies off. Somebody wolf-whistles.]
BRIAN: Oh yeah, that is--
MARISHA: --that she did.
BRIAN: --so crazy.
MATT: That's badass.
MARISHA: Which I noticed and like--yeah.
CAIT (VEX): Hey girl.
MARISHA: Yeah. Which I saw that in the music video--
BRIAN: How come when I do that, people get mad?
MARISHA: --and was like "That's so rad!"
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): You don't have butterflies.
MATT: It's true.
MARISHA: You're jealous of the butterflies.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Get your own butterflies.
MATT: Hashtag: GetBrianHisButterflies.
[laughing]
MATT: That's a thing now.
BRIAN: Here we go. Guys, Matt, what about--this is from Svedwar [user]--
MATT: Svedwar!
BRIAN: What about Freddy and Greg made you break so hard?
[laughing]
MATT: It's--it's hard to explain. When you're so into a moment, especially like the mood-setting of the Hells and like the intensity of a negotiation--really, the first party's negotiation with any sort of devilish entity--in a space that is so dangerous and so out of what they're used to dealing with, I--I was so, like, steeped in that moment and it was less...The Freddy was fine, it was more the...
BRIAN: Greg.
MARISHA: Greg.
MATT: In a way that only Travis can do it, which was like, "It's still practically your name, dude, you just fucked up your O a little bit." And his matter-of-fact Travis way of saying it--
BRIAN: Uh-huh.
MATT: It just... it was a left hook and I just couldn't. Couldn't recover.
BRIAN: Yeah. When you don't see the process happen in his mind, 'cause it just comes out so fast--
MATT: Yeah.
BRIAN: --it just gets you off-guard. Travis has pulled a few of those. Remember on the Critmas episode when he was reading the cards and he said "Mine says 'Sam lied'"? I was dying.
MATT: Yeah!
BRIAN: It was so fast. San Friction--oh, what a great idea--Bean Princess 19: How about--any plans for a VM/Hamilton cross-over music video?
[general oohing]
CAIT (VEX): Y'know, I suggested this--
BRIAN: You did?!
CAIT (VEX): --when we were--yeah--when we were looking for a song for this--
BRIAN: Yeah!
CAIT (VEX): --because we--we had the idea to do a video before we had the idea to use Critical Hit by No More Kings -- that's the name of the song in the video.
BUCKLE (VAX): Title drop!
CAIT (VEX): Ayy! Check them out! They're super-cool, really nice guys and really like very supportive of this whole thing.
BRIAN: Yeah!
CAIT (VEX): But before we had that song, we knew we wanted to do a video. We searched, seriously, collective group-effort searching, like fifteen hours going through Spotify and the internet, YouTube, reddit, whatever. And at one point I was like "What if we just used Hamilton?" And it was immediately shot down. They were just like "It's not gonna be funny." And I was like--
BRIAN: Oh, yeah?
BUCKLE (VAX): I didn't say that, I said--
BRIAN: Oh! Who shot it down, I wonder, hmm!
BUCKLE (VAX): I just outed myself again.
BRIAN: Oh no.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Hiding in the closet with the cutting board.
[giggling laughter from everyone throughout]
BUCKLE (VAX): I said that Hamilton--I want a divorce.
BRIAN: Oh no! No, not on this show! Please save it 'til after! I get enough grief!
BUCKLE (VAX): We're not even married yet.
MATT: So get married...
BUCKLE (VAX): We're engaged!
MATT: Congratulations!
BRIAN: Congrats!
BUCKLE (VAX): Thank you!
MARISHA: Hey, engaged couples!
BRIAN: Yeah!
MATT: Yay!
[they high-five]
CAIT (VEX): Hey, we did it this time! I'm really proud.
MARISHA: We did it, yeah!
BUCKLE (VAX): See, practice works.
MARISHA: Engagement bros.
BRIAN: You don't have to say when it is, but have you picked out a date?
BUCKLE (VAX): What I said is that Hamilton was so much of a--
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Mid-October.
BUCKLE (VAX): Hamilton was so much of a phenomenon on--
MARISHA: Oh! October bros!
[all laughig]
BRIAN: Sorry.
MARISHA: Sorry, continue.
BUCKLE (VAX): Nobody cares about this anyway.
[all laughing]
BRIAN: What day?
MARISHA: What day? Do you have a day yet?
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I don't think we've picked out a day yet, but it's not--it's not--
BUCKLE (VAX): November. We want fall.
MARISHA: Yeah.
CAIT (VEX): One of you said October, one of you said November.
BUCKLE (VAX): We've talked about this.
BRIAN: There'll be two weddings. One for her, one for h--yeah.
BUCKLE (VAX): Our relationship transcends pesky things like dates and numbers.
BRIAN: I respect that.
BUCKLE (VAX): We're not into that.
MATT: Esoteric dates.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I mean, we forgot about our anniversary this year, so clearly--
[all laughing]
BRIAN: "We" did? Or--
BUCKLE (VAX): Mom, Dad, we love each other--
BRIAN: --we did?
BUCKLE (VAX): --a lot, and--
BRIAN: If you both forget, it's fine.
DENISE-CC: [inaudible] Who gets the cutting board?
BRANDON (GROG): "Who gets the cutting board?"
BRIAN: "Who gets the cutting board?" Who said that? Denise?!
[all laughing]
CAIT (VEX): I'm keeping Denise.
BRIAN: Who gets the cutting board in the divorce?
[continued laughing]
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Well, it's relatively squarish, so I want the panhandle.
BRIAN: Oh my god.
CAIT (VEX): It looks like a knife, honestly, like a toothbrush.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): It looks a little bit like a butcher's knife.
BRIAN: I'm sure we'll see it on Dateline at some point.
[laughing chatter]
BUCKLE (VAX): I'm sure we're not the only people who feel this way, but after ten years together, one day just seems arbitrary.
BRIAN: Yeah.
MATT: Totally.
MARISHA: Yeah.
BUCKLE (VAX): It--it--one day, no matter how fantastic, cannot hold a candle to a life together, y'know?
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Oh, that's poetic!
MARISHA: When Vox Machina talks about being family, this is what we mean.
[Marisha is gesticulating, brushing up against Matt’s mic, which he gently tries to guide her hand away from, eliciting laughter]
MARISHA: Sorry.
[more laughing]
MARISHA: Fuck your mic! [mimes elbow-dropping his mic]
MATT: Chat room is like, "Yaaagh, RIP ears! Back to episode two!”
BUCKLE (VAX): Now that we've made it really awkward and personal, what's the next question?
[all laughing]
MATT: No, that's awesome, thanks for sharing!
BRIAN: Next question is...how long have you guys been together?
[all laughing]
BUCKLE (VAX): Ten years!
CAIT (VEX): Approximately five minutes.
BRIAN: We're gonna systematically watch the end of a relationship.
CAIT (VEX): We met in the parking lot.
BRIAN: And we saved it for Alpha.
BUCKLE (VAX): Well, we met you [Cait] on Craigslist, so it's not out of the question.
CAIT (VEX): Technically, I met you on--or, no, you met me on Craig's List! You found me!
MATT: That's how we [Matt & Marisha] met!
[awwwww]
CAIT (VEX): They're my Craig's List roommates, which I feel like explains a lot.
BRIAN: That's how I got my job--that's how I got my job at Two Broke Girls, was on--
[laughing]
BRIAN: --Craigslist. You know how many broke girls are on the show now? I have a lot of trivia. There’s two.
[laughing]
MATT: God dammit, Brian.
BRIAN: Guys, are there any characters...are there any other characters--this is from Vex'ahlia--
CAIT (VEX): Heyyyy.
BRIAN: Hey, I don't know, I told you guys not to submit questions, please.
CAIT (VEX): Sorry.
BRIAN: Kidding. Are there any other characters from Critical Role you want to cosplay and if so, who?
[Ulthar starts reaching for the mic]
BRIAN: Scanlan is itching. Give him the mic, at once!
ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I have developed a very deep need--like, literally yesterday--to be Tiberius.
ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I'm going to figure this out. If I have to glue rhinestones to my skin...
MARISHA: With the horns and everything?
ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I'll need, like, foot-tall platform boots.
MARISHA: Yeah.
JULIE (PERCY): I believe in you.
BRIAN: Make sure you use glue that's skin-appropriate.
BRANDON (GROG): Out of context.
BRIAN: Yeah, yeah. Not like I did.
ULTHAR (SCANLAN): Hot glue. Entirely hot glue.
CAIT (VEX): You wanna just pass it along?
BRIAN: Yeah, are there any NPCs or anyobody else?
JULIE (PERCY): I actually cosplayed Vax. That was actually the first one that I did, for the Halloween contest.
MATT: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
MARISHA: Oh, rad!
JULIE (PERCY): So that was really fun. I don't know. It's a joke among my friends and I that we all, like, plan to cosplay all of Vox Machina at one point.
[laughing]
JULIE (PERCY): Like, each and every character.
BRIAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JULIE (PERCY): And it's fun.
BRANDON (GROG): I'm pretty dedicated to Grog.
[general chatter]
DENISE-CC: I will be Vex'ahlia for WonderCon in the masquerade with my Grog.
[cheering]
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): That's awesome!
BRIAN: That's awesome. Elizabeth?
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): I have a cosplay habit of looking at the tallest, most masculine manly-man in anything and being like, "I wanna be that one, but a girl!" And, as I started listening to CritRole, I was making Keyleth, but I was making eyes at Grog going, "I really, really wanna be Grog."
MARISHA: Dude, oh, do it!
MATT: FemGrog!?
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): I wanna be FemGrog!
MATT: That would be amazing!
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): So I want to go from tiny, tiny slim druid to like--
MARISHA: To buff Grog.
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): To buff Grog
MARISHA: Barbarian, man.
MATT: Do it. Do it.
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): So yeah, maybe one day.
MARISHA: I appreciate that.
BRIAN: [reacting to a question in Alpha] Is this true?!
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Is what true?
BRIAN: Sorry.
MATT: Continue.
BRIAN: Continue. I saw a provocative question come through, I'm scared now.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I mean, Pike was always sort of my one-and-done. I am Pike, she is me. But if I had to, probably Doty.
[general cheering]
BRIAN: I would love to see that.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Would you put on a fake beard for me?
BUCKLE (VAX): Well now I have to, for Taryon, because I love me a beard.
MATT: You could just go gem shopping. All the gems.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Oh man. That's what I love. I love rhinestones.
BRIAN: Go to the goatee store.
BUCKLE (VAX): Ever since the first mention of Percy when I started watching, I pictured this fabulous, like, regency coat, like very tailored with the puffy top and cravats. Not a lot of like--a lot of fanart people do is really great, but it's more fantasy and I--I'm really interested in doing a super-historical, minimalist kind of Percy.
[ooooh]
BUCKLE (VAX): So, I have my designs drawn up and I'm gonna start pretty soon, so.
MARISHA: Oh my gosh, yes.
BRIAN: That is so cool.
CAIT (VEX): And I am cosplaying Vex 'cause she is the character I probably relate to the most, but Percy is my fave and if I thought for a second I could pass, I would have been--I would have been Percy, hands down. But I like looked at my face in the mirror and was like "Mmm, I don't know."
MATT: Oh, that shouldn't stop you.
BRIAN: I do that every day.
[laughing]
CAIT (VEX): No, so, I was--I was like, I think--I think I'm just gonna--I'm just gonna be Vex. Maybe I'll do Percy at some point.
BRIAN: Yeah.
MARISHA: Do it.
BUCKLE (VAX): Everybody's Percy.
CAIT (VEX): Everybody's Percy--that's our next video, we're all Percy.
BRIAN: That would be amazing.
CAIT (VEX): No Mercy Percy, yeah.
BRIAN: Taliesin would be happier than I can say on this program.
[background chatter]
BUCKLE (VAX): ...you can have a lot of copies of the same character and it's fine.
MATT: Yeah.
BRIAN: Yeah!
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Yeah, Buckle, it's called Caiter (?) Double.
[laughing]
MATT: It's called, someone cast Seeming.
BRIAN: Oh yeah!
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): We could do the Seeming where they're only Vex and Vax!
CAIT (VEX): We should do all Vex and Vax! Next video!
[general enthusiasm and agreement]
CAIT (VEX): We've already got multiple Vaxes and multiple Vexes--
MATT: This is amazing.
BRIAN: You're not coming on this show with everyone dressed as Vex and Vax because I will not be able to speak.
[laughing]
BRIAN: I won't be able to get the thing--
CAIT (VEX): We're just gonna break in here--
BRIAN: Please!
CAIT (VEX): --all dressed as Vex and Vax.
MATT: I love it.
BRIAN: How do you think Denise got this job? Guys, someone tell me if this is true. TBoyz [user] tells me: how do you guys feel about the fact that there's a Krogan named Strongjaw Grog in Mass Effect--
MATT: Yes!
BRIAN: --Andromeda.
MATT: That is true, apparently.
MARISHA: Yeah.
BRIAN: Are you jealous that you didn't get an easter egg and how much money did Travis use to bribe EA?
MATT: That's a good question to ask Travis. I'm excited that there's any sort of Critical Role easter egg. We're discovering, as time goes on, at like cartoon recording sessions, video game sessions, general industry folk all over, people are into Critical Role in places you wouldn't expect and we have a lot of people that we're fans of that then conversely we found out are fans of the show and it's been a really cool kind of experience to run into these people and have these conversations. And so yeah, we've seen easter eggs like that starting to show up in mass media--
BRIAN: Yeah!
MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: It just feels really cool.
MARISHA: We're, "Whaaaaaaat?"
MATT: Almost as cool as having a bunch of people dress up as your entire party.
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): You said it a was "almost". It was "almost" as cool, so you're saying that we are cooler than Mass Effect: Andromeda?
MATT: Yeah.
MARISHA: Yeah, that--that might be true.
ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): Oh, wow. We're gonna put that on our blogs now: Matt Mercer says we're cooler than Mass Effect.
MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Cooler than Mass Effect: Andromeda.
[Buckle takes the mic away from Elizabeth]
BUCKLE (VAX): You cannot be trusted with this mic anymore.
[laughing]
CAIT (VEX): Oh, man, yeah that sound bite is never going away.
[laughing]
BRIAN: Yep, that's a lot of this show.
[laughing]
BRIAN: Us saying that to each other. Ask Taliesin. Let's see. Let's pick the last question of the night.
MARISHA: Last question!
BRIAN: If you--this is from Rose Artemis [user]--question for the cast. If you could have someone direct Vox Machina the movie, TV series, who would it be and why? And then you guys [FFF] can say if you have a favorite director or--
MATT: I would say David Milch.
BRIAN: Right?
MATT: Just because it would be ridiculous, filled with the right amount of curse words, and we could get Ian McShane to play everybody.
BRIAN: I know!
[Matt laughing]
MARISHA: That would be amazing.
BRIAN: Ian McShane as Thordak, Ian McShane as everyone. Victor?
MATT: I'd watch it. I don't care if anybody else would watch it, I just want to see it.
BRIAN: I'd watch it, absolutely.
MARISHA: I mean, me and like, y'know...y'know...I feel like maybe Joss Whedon--
BRIAN: Yeah.
MARISHA: --doing like full-on Avengers style, like... got a boner for Joss Whedon's writing shit.
MATT: Don't we all?
MARISHA: So... I mean, yeah.
MATT: Hashtag: MarishasWhedonBoner.
[giggling]
BRIAN: Use the hashtag...no, please guys.
MATT: Please don't do that.
MARISHA: That'd be rad.
MATT: Joss is a good choice because he has the good balance of like action, dramatic, and--
MARISHA: And humor.
MATT: --good humor and characterization.
BRIAN: David Fincher for me!
MARISHA: Ohhh!
[shuffling around]
BRIAN: Oh there's a gift!
CAIT (VEX): We actually have a gift for Matt.
BRIAN: Let's present it to him at once!
MARISHA: Oh boy!
BRIAN: Look at this!
MATT: What the heck?
BRIAN: It's my dick in a box.
MATT: That'd be impressive from over here.
CAIT (VEX): Merry Critmas.
MATT: Thank you guys.
[Matt opens it to reveal the mounted head of the Raishan pinata from the video.]
MATT: Whaaaaat!
BRIAN: What is it? What is it?!
MATT: Holy shit! So in the video, y'know they had the Raishan pinata?
[He pulls it out of the box]
BRIAN: Yeah. Oh, it's--is this the actual one?!
MATT: They mounted it.
BRIAN: Oh my god!
MARISHA: That's amazing!
MATT: That's so awesome! That's living on this set, guys. I hope you know what you've done.
[cheering]
BRIAN: Yeah, it is. Hell yeah, it is.
MARISHA: That's so good.
MATT: That's so good.
MARISHA: I can't believe you mounted it!
BUCKLE (VAX): It's like when your cat--
MATT: Oh shit, look at her eyes!
BUCKLE (VAX): --goes hunting and then it like lays rats on your porch for you.
[laughing]
MATT: It's so good!
BRIAN: That is great.
MATT: And you can totally see she's been Feebleminded.
BUCKLE (VAX): The eyes were very crooked--that's the fixed version.
[laughing]
MATT: That's beautiful.
BRIAN: Maybe we'll put it where that weird thing is.
MARISHA: Oh, that's true!
MATT: Yeah, we can do it.
MARISHA: Yeah, we can fill--for sure, that thing.
[Denise say something off-screen]
BRIAN: What?! We have to ask Denise first?
MARISHA: We have to ask Denise?!
BRIAN: Oh my god. That's all the time we have for tonight, folks. Thank you for watching Talks Machina After Dark. We will see you...at WonderCon, hopefully. We are gonna go off the air, but in ten minutes, AXYB starts at 9 back on Twitch--
[Someone talks off screen]
BRIAN: What?
OFFSCREEN VOICE: Yeah, ten minutes.
BRIAN: That's what I said. Why did you interrupt me?
[laughing]
BRIAN: She's getting--
[Denise making spaced-out nosies off-screen.]
BRIAN: --unhinged. She's become unhinged. The end is near, my friends. Denise will be roaming the streets like Jumanji. Thanks to everyone--
MATT: The video game?
BRIAN: The video game. Thank you guys so much for coming on and for dressing up and for doing this. Will you come back?
[all agreeing]
BUCKLE (VAX): We’re just down the street!
CAIT (VEX): Yeah, let us know, we're literally down the street.
BRIAN: Except for Julie! Julie flew in from Florida.
CAIT (VEX): Yeah, we'll fly her back out here.
BUCKLE (VAX): You're going to have to pry my sweaty ass of this couch.
CAIT (VEX): Aaaaand you've just lost mic privileges, too.
BRIAN: Nope, nope, we love you guys. Thank you! Thank you for coming on, Matt and Marisha. Forgot about you guys. It's so hard with this beautiful--
MATT: I know. We can't blame you.
BRIAN: --array of--
MARISHA: Yeah, no, we're here.
BRIAN: We love you guys. Thank you for watching. Go back to Twitch. Watch AXYB at 9. Thank you so much, we love you. We will see you Thursday for Critical Role.
