#criticalbakes

Another belated entry for @criticalbakes - fancy sandwiches for Percy!

The idea was something that Percy could eat while reading or working, and then it hit me: sandwiches were basically invented for that, in reality (except it was while playing cards). Which has made me convinced that if sandwiches don’t exist in Exandria, Percy has definitely invented them. (Side note: would that make them “de Rolos”?)

For the ingredients, I actually splurged a little and bought smoked salmon, because in my family, baguette with smoked salmon and horseradish has always pretty much been the epitome of fanciness, something for a New Year’s brunch or a round birthday or something. (You may have noted that the spread there is a little pink for horseradish. This is because I couldn’t actually find any horseradish here, and had to substitute with a beetroot/horseradish spread.)

I know @criticalbakes hasn’t reached Scanlan yet, but I just couldn’t wait !

So here’s my Scanlan-inspired dish: a rice stir-fry with chicken (in memory of many chickenful breakfasts) and red onion (it’s purplish, which reminds me of Bigby’s Hand, and it makes you cry). For the seasoning, I used chipotle, cumin and thyme to make it taste like... well, like how I figured fusaka would.

As such, I am happy to present: Sugar-Free Homemade Marshmallows! 

I used this recipe, which I adapted from this non-sugar-free one from Smitten Kitchen. I’m also including, just for fun, some of the pictures of cutting them up before the picture of the final product.

It's Pike week at @criticalbakes, and I decided to try my hand at a Purple Jewel Cake of Marquet! Since Pike didn't give me the recipe, I figured it out :) Or, more accurately, I used some standard vanilla cupcake and buttercream frosting recipes, and added a lot of food colouring. (Will I get sick because my mother’s, thankfully unopened, red food colouring was packaged in 1989, but I didn’t want to walk half an hour to the grocery store and get new stuff? Time will tell!)

It was my mom doing the cooking, but here’s something I’d been waiting to show off for @criticalbakes ‘s Grog theme for a while: a salad predominantly made from meat!

See, “sausage salad” (made from sliced sausage, chopped onions, and optionally sliced cheese and pickles or such, with a vinegar and oil-based dressing) is a perfectly normal meal in South Germany. So when everyone was utterly confused at the concept of a primarily meat-based salad, I in turn was confused at their confusion XD

I made something in advance for @criticalbakes ‘s Pike week, only got around to posting it now though. It’s a hot lemon honey drink... and a chance to show off my favorite mug, which I’ve dubbed Teavo’ssa.

One thing I noticed was that Pike’s healing magic, and Sarenrae herself, often got described as pleasantly hot, like a mug of fresh tea. So I decided to make a hot drink for Pike. Specifically, I’m gonna share my family’s home remedy for a sore throat, because it makes you feel better and fucks you up at the same time, and Pike can do both of these things.

That said, just to be clear, the recipe has no medical properties. It does jack shit for any underlying cause of a sore throat, it at most gives you a break from the ache and I’m half convinced it only does that by tasting interesting enough to distract you from it. DO NOT USE THIS AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. This is for if you wake up with a kinda scratchy throat, not any full-blown medical issues.

Especially given as of now (August 2020), there’s a GODDAMNED PANDEMIC going on whose symptoms include a sore throat. So if you have the slightest suspicion, GET THEE TO A TEST CENTER in whatever way your country handles it. When you’ve made your appointment for a test, then sit down with a cup of this.

Now, the recipe:

Teaspoon of honey

Generous squeeze of lemon

Pinch of salt

Pinch of cayenne pepper

Now, I don’t really have a favorite one-shot character as such, but I was making these anyway and they struck me as suitable for Undeadwood’s Miriam Landisman: Scodelline! 

Scodelline (also called Tazzine) are almond custards, a traditional Italian-Jewish Passover dessert, usually flavored with orange blossom extract or rosewater, sometimes with vanilla -- although I went a little sideways and used orange zest and fresh ginger on this occasion. I’ve long been inclined to headcanon Miriam as Jewish based on her name alone, and like her, these custard cups have a certain understated elegance.

Recipe and additional images below the cut.

For @criticalbakes ‘s Vex week, I wanted to make something from the Slayer’s Cake: bear claws. With a white chocolate filling for Vex’s armor, and a bit of honey for Trinket. And also made from puff pastry, because I can get that at the supermarket.

Funny story, white chocolate doesn’t behave the way dark chocolate does. So it all went and flowed out of the pastries, which came out of the oven looking like they needed to be bamfed into Vex’s necklace NOW. The pastry dough itself still tastes good, but... I can’t take any credit for that part :P