#creerenee

I kind of gave up on myself this past year, especially. I wasn’t fulfilled in the job I put so much unnecessary energy into, school was stressing me out beyond a healthy point, and the three year relationship I put a lot of heart and love into failed in a spectacularly big way. See, when I go for something, it’s balls to the wall, I’m 150% all in. So when things didn’t work out the way I imagined and hoped, it kind of felt like the world was crashing down on me. I had been quite literally going through things the entire human population goes through every day, but I just couldn’t cope. I understand that the world doesn’t owe me anything, but at this point, I really thought it was trying to tell me it had nothing left to offer me even though I was offering so much of myself. It felt like the people I surrounded myself with stopped seeing my worth, so I stopped seeing it too and I stopped taking care of myself. Then, one day I told the universe I had to get my shit together. So here I am, eating right, exercising regularly, sleeping well, journaling, making new goals, meditating, manifesting nothing but positivity, and allowing only those who validate me as a person to be close to me. Growth is not all beautiful all the time though. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine. It can be rough and painful and brutal. It’s changing little habits day by day. Like the way you think or the way you talk to yourself/others. It’s having a positive outlook on tough situations during those moments it’s hard to see past your own frustration. It’s pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s confronting things that you’re used to burying. It’s getting out of bed when you feel like giving up. I used to “I’m okay” a mf 24/7, but I learned it’s alright to be open to people who deserve that side of you. It’s alright to admit when you’re not okay. It’s alright to vent and to ask for help or advice. My mom has been telling me for years not to be too proud, that I am still strong when I lean on the people who are worth that trust. I guess I just wanted to let you know to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. And remember that everything is temporary. Bad days are inevitable, but I’m still learning, still loving, and still picking it up. 💖💕

— My 79 year old grandmother

Still pro-frizz & forever rocking brown lipstick. ✌🏽️

Two times.

I’m so fucking tired.