Fashion Memoir – The Superpower Behind Being a Goth
I'd like to start by explaining that I'm not talking about being a goth in the traditional sense; I don't spike my hair, or wear studded belts, or platform combat boots. Any more. I had a solid 3 years where this is exactly what I did (There’s a photograph somewhere of 12-year-old me with spiked orange buns, wearing a man’s blazer covered in Marilyn Manson patches). Between the ages of 11 and 14, I tried my hardest to be different. I went to a private school, where we were separated by gender, sang hymns and had the option of taking Latin. I was never as rich, or as popular as the others, who grew up together. So my response? To be the opposite of it all; ‘a rebel.’ (I know, what a terrible cliché.)
I have to both give kudos to, and blame, my parents for this. I am the child of an ex-hippy who wore platform boots and didn’t finish high school, and an ex-punk, who shaved her eyebrows off and bleached and razored her hair during high school á la David Bowie. Ironically, my mother went to the same private school that I did - they must have rolled their eyes to the heavens when I followed in her footsteps. I returned from GCSE study leave with a nose piercing. I got my first tattoo at 17. And my second. And my third.
Last year I found myself in an awful relationship. They stripped me of everything I felt I knew about myself, and made me doubt myself, and who I really was. My style changed. Everything I wore was completely void of personality. It was a reflection of how I felt. Once I had freed myself of that environment, I discovered that wearing mostly black, or outfits that were typically considered edgy, or “rock-and-roll”, made me feel powerful, and strong. They reflected everything I felt about myself, and everything I wanted other people to see me as. Confident, tough, and unwilling to take s**t from anyone.
Whilst my overall style has matured with me, ebbing and flowing between classic, sartorial, and alternative, it always has the same fundamentals that I first took on as an 11-year-old goth. That this tough, edgy exterior gave me protection, and made feel like I could take on anything. And I have.