#creativespree

 is that it doesn’t happen all at once. 

It happens slowly with:

careless moments where they

 didn’t even think of you

and

selfish moments where they thought of you 

and 

1. We remember negative events more vividly then positive ones because there is an evolutionary advantage to remembering painful things.

2. Our sense of smell is said to trigger the most vivid memories.

3. The average adult breathes 12-20 times a minute.

4. A heart usually weighs 8-10 ounces and beats 100 000 times a day.

Not-so-fun Facts:

1. All the moments I think of with you are good memories. They seem to replay in technicolor as if I’m watching a home movies. Again and again. I  spend more time remembering then I do living. The painful thing is that you’re gone. But sometimes I’ll forget that.

2. Everything reminds me of you. Smells, sounds, sights.

3. I’ve forgotten how to breathe without you. Sometimes I’ll get dizzy holding my breath as if I’m waiting for you to come back.

her big forehead,

her drooping shoulders,

her hands,

her feet. 

Her stubbornness,

her absentmindedness, 

her selflessness

But God, give me her strength 

Give me the ability to endure. 

Mama how are you able to take batterings of life

Without daily breakdowns

How are you able to accept, 

without waves of sadness drowning you. 

I’ve taken a fraction of what you have

and I’m on my knees, bent over 

 and I am breathless. 

My wish is to be like you. 

Tough. Composed. Resilient

And my biggest fear is 

that I will become used to the pain

Life will harden me

 silent screams

scorch my throat.

.

I would much rather have the satisfaction

of honesty and a raw larynx

Than the shame and lump

of repression and silence.

.

But what I would rather have

Doesn’t often come into play. 

What I end up with is a mute mouth

or else a half hysterical babbling

That has none of the clarity or insistence 

of what is pounding my mind. 

and I tell them:

Start with a capital

make     sure     you     have    finger     spaces

finish with a period.

but I don’t practice what I preach 

i don’t start with capitals

starting is always the hardest part

and I have to ease my way in 

with unassuming lowercases

 often I leave my sentences hanging

because there is a finality

and I know a period is a pause 

but to me it’s an end

and I have a hard time letting things go 

sometimes I don’t leave enough space

Ipusheverythingtogether

because I know if I don’t

it might fall apart

so maybe I shouldn’t teach kids how to write sentences

when I can’t even write my own

about his experience with the whale

Because lately I’ve been feeling that 

I’ve been devoured by something much bigger than myself

I’ve been swallowed whole

Plunged into darkness. And turned all around

And my only hope  lies in beseeching God

For  guidance and redemption

Because man was not made

To live within such circumstances