#crayhat

sleeping pills quickly became a necessity to her; like water to dehydration, or food to starvation these pills became her salvation. they were the ‘natural’ herbal types, and for a (short, but very well deserved) period of time, the singer’s sleep pattern began to regulate once more. until for some godforsaken reason she came ‘immune’ to the usual dosage.

now there was two options she was presented with: quit while you’re ahead up the dosage. she preferred the later as the concept of sleep deprivation in the midst of promotion would have only led to disaster. so, at ever free minute, jieun began popping pills and napping at any interval given. she’d be the first to admit it wasn’t a smart move  – but with a history of self medication and general weakness, the female failed to do anything about it.

on this particular day, jieun was a wreck. no matter how many pills she had the night before she just couldn't drift off and now that day had broke and schedules had started, she was afraid that she'd be pushed to the edge and (as much as she hated the saying,) 'break'. drawing her knees up to her chest, in one of those large chairs behind-the-scenes of almost every music show (what was it today? inkigayo? music core? she didn't care, not really), she attempted to steady herself. psychically, she was shaking. for how long? she was unsure. mentally, she was shattered. for how long? months.

rummaging through her bag, her slim fingers wrapped around the familiar bottle of pills. without a thought she emptied the contents into the palm of her hand. 11 left. her eyes felt heavy, and she debated with the idea of a quick nap. the debate didn't last long though, eyes widening as those small brown pills were thrown onto the ground with such force that several had cracked in half. it took her a good few seconds to realise that a very angry male was using a very angry voice, to make a very angry point as he held onto her wrist in a very angry manner. half dazed, she looked up at him slowly trying to register what he was saying to her. 

"what the fuck are you doing? are you trying to fucking overdose, huh?" she was still shaking as the grip on her wrist loosened. hot tears sprung to her eyes in such rapidness that she hardly noticed that her vision had become blurry, and that the face of frustration had inched even closer. "don't do something so selfish...just don't." his voice had softened slightly, but there was still a hint of roughness in his voice. she couldn't even take a good look as the silent tears continued to blind her. she wasn't trying to kill herself, it would just be an idiotic move trying something like that here. but for some unknown reason it had triggered something off on her and she was unable to even react. he let go of her wrist, watching the idol's made up face run, wordlessly, before stomping on the remainders of the weapon until it became a fine powder.