#cravingher

I listen to songs that remind me of you,

How you are my Superstar, My Electric love, My Thought in the Middle of The Night, My Eternal Heartbeat, My lady by the Water Fountain

Every blank space...

Filled with you...

I want to be consumed by you, by your love...

Just as you are consumed by me

Consumed by my love, my every action, my every thought ,

I want every blank, empty space in your mind consumed by me.

I want you to look at me with the want of a kiss, just as I do to you...

I always want to kiss you...

Please kiss me.

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I feel like I’m fading,

I need reassurance that your still there,

That the love is still there,

I love you.

I’m scared,

My eyes ache to cry,

but I want to feel your touch,

I want to feel you.

I am consumed by you, yes.

But I want you to consume me,

Drown me in affection that I know you can give,

The affection you are scared to give.

I want it to consume me,

I want you, only you.

I want, you.

“How does that make you feel?”

How do you tell a complete stranger the inner workings and movements of your being? How are you supposed to speak of the demons you fight like it’s something you have figured out in your own head?  How is he supposed to be able to understand and know what I’m feeling?

I want to explain to him what she is to me, but all I can think about is having a smoke.  A cigarette.  And that’s what she is.

I can’t go too long without her itching at me.  I crave her.  I crave bringing her to my lips and tasting her in my mouth.  The initial flick of the lighter excites me as I know I will soon be feeding my ache. Breathe in deep, inhaling her as she reaches the edges of my lungs.  Euphoria sets in and reaches the most distant parts of my body and for just a few seconds, I am at peace. I am calm.  But I know I can’t keep her in forever, so I breathe her out slowly and watch her move farther away from me.  She surrounds me, she is everywhere.  I know I have a few more of these experiences left before I have to put her out, so I make sure each time I inhale I bring as much of her into my lungs as I can.  She feels so good inside of me.  

Even after I put her down, she still lingers.  She is on my breath and she has some how woven herself into the threading of my clothes.  I cannot get rid of her as much as I try.  I could try to cover her up, but she is still there.  My body will soon start to lust after her again - I am addicted.  She has complete control of me and I don’t care. 

The doctor will tell you that cigarettes are bad for your health.  They will tell you that cigarettes can cause many different types cancer which could eventually kill you.  They try to deter you from smoking to prevent such cancers from forming.  The funny thing is is I would let her take control of me.  If she wanted to kill me, I would let her.

How does that make me feel?

With just one look She sucked me in She has ahold of me like no other And I’m not sure how

Her words are perfect They tug at my heart And her smirk…. Jesus, just kill me

I need to know What she tastes like I want to know What her skin smells like

She has woken something inside me That I thought I’d lost forever How does she do these things to me When I hardly even know her?