#crackaddiction

The day I got this car, I went and retrieved drugs. And did every day thereafter.

I once lived in this car when my crack addiction got so bad that my landlords kicked me out.

I used to drive around using my knee to steer while smoking crack and driving.

I used to sell drugs using this car.

I even lent my car to drug dealers for some ‘free’ cocaine.

This car is a huge trigger for me. So today, is not a good day. 

Theres nothing I want to do more than to go and take money out of my bank, call up a local dealer, and go and get drugs.

But after I get drugs-if I were to get them, I know how soon they would last, how shitty they would make me feel, and how defeated I will become. 

I can’t let my addiction control me. I can’t let myself give up the last three months of sobriety for a quick ending high. 

Oh right, today is my three month mark of sobriety. So I guess that makes things a little more difficult as well. As the 3-6-9 periods are said to be tough.

So instead of getting high, I will write my confession here, because I don’t want my confession to be that I relapsed. But I’m okay with confessing that I have some deep urges to do so. 

I went to my councillor today to apply for school again. We’re going to start that process and hopefully by September I’ll be studying to become a personal care attendant. 

That’s something to look forward too. 

I know I shouldn’t plan because the risk of failing could cause a risk of relapse, but I can’t help but be excited for this plan. And I don’t feel guilty for that.  

I’m happy to say that I haven’t had one craving yet today. 

Things are getting better. Day by day. Step by step.