#covidjournal

Hi, friends:

Greetings from New York! I was living here prior to COVID and didn’t know just how long I’d be gone for, so I kept my room here in Brooklyn. I’m finally back to say goodbye, lease out my room and gather my things. It’s bittersweet.

As some of you know, I spent the majority of quarantine in Utah, where I was welcomed by bountiful nature, a quietness, a home. I instantly felt how much I needed that type of peace and it was hard to ignore that New York no longer felt right.

Though my initial plans of staying in Salt Lake fell through, it opened up the opportunity to dust off dreams of long-term travel and execute this new life path as soon as possible

(& whenever the world allows).

If anything, COVID and the uncertainties it came with inspired me to lean towards bold choices. It made me long for many freedoms, including travel abroad. I don’t ever want to take that for granted again or miss another window of opportunity.  

It’s not always easy to shift my direction based on feelings—these intuitions I receive like little nudges from my soul. But I try to obey, because by now I know the cost of not doing so is my happiness.

Sometimes I trip up and doubt myself. Specially when people I love question my path. Or when the journey is not easy to traverse. Recently, dealing with the logistics of renting out my room in New York has been stressful.

That, on top of the intensity of the world—plus the losses and redirections I’ve experienced in the last few months—have all left me feeling defeated from time to time.

I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve drank.

But this fire inside me burns.

There is something it yearns for. Always curious to see what’s around the bend, how the story unfolds, what miracles might arise. As much as we may sometimes think we’re afraid of the unknown, we keep walking right into it.

Even if the world turns on its head again tomorrow, and my plans no longer align with the Gods—I can’t imagine anything short of continuing to strive for happiness. Continuing to create, pray, and even laugh.

On the worst days, when I’m afraid of becoming attached to my dreams of the future, that is the simple hope that keeps the fire alive.

And on better days, when I’m able to find refuge in the present, and embrace simple joys and gifts—like bathing under the long awaited sunshine—I dream.

I manifest.

I visualize my feet in moistened sand, legs enveloped by warm water coming to and from shore. Laughing with strangers who are now friends. Planning adventures on a whim. All the things I love about travel.

Just up ahead. I trust in the timing of things. The embers inside release into the wind.

Love,

Gabriela

www.melgarcoaching.com 

Sir Patrick Vallance's COVID journal quotes Dominic Cummings #COVIDjournal #DominicCummings #SirPatrickVallance

I feel like I just need to write. I woke up really grumpy. Mostly because I didn’t get to do my bedtime routine because I fell asleep after putting Ari down. I didn’t even try to fight going to sleep because I was so emotionally exhausted. This week has felt like a rollercoaster dealing with everything especially my anxiety. 

Yesterday though, I had an appointment for a breast augmentation that went horribly. It was not what I expected at all. I’ll do another post on that but I was really upset because I had spent the better part of the week being anxious about it. Then when I went it was such a let down that I regretted even making the appointment in the first place. 

To add insult to injury, I had to ask my mom to come in to watch Ari because last minute her school decided that they would be doing teacher inservice both today (and yesterday). So I didn’t get very much work done before and I had to take care of Ari afterwards. N of course didn’t get home until close to 7 PM. 

So now today I’m filled with anxiety mixed with a little bit of regret and anger. Mostly at the way things went yesterday. I’m glad my mom and Ari had fun though. I wish I wouldn't have drank two glasses of wine and fell asleep. 

And then on top of all that we have applied to get her into an elementary school and basically still haven’t heard back. I’m thinking I just wasted $120 on the application fee. Of course I can go ahead and kiss getting any work done today.  He comes out like let’s talk about shifts. I’m like i figured it was me all day. Why wouldn’t it be?