Median system here. I’m the host and core of the system (our syscovery happened a few months ago, we’re handling it pretty well I think). Something that bothers the others a tiny bit is that, while they’re thought of as facets, I’m not. They’re just facets of me, and I’m… metaphorically speaking, the gem.
Am I wrong for thinking that way? Like, I’m kinda scared of thinking of myself any other way. I’m supposed to be the overarching person who we all are, I don’t want to be just… another facet.
I know more distinct systems don’t have a “non-alter” since everyone is an alter, but I don’t know if it’s different for me, since I’m median, and we’re all different versions of the same person. And I know there’s no real “right” or “wrong” way to go about systemhood, but… Everyone else who has an opinion about it (within the system) thinks maybe I should consider myself a facet too, but I’m really uncomfortable with it.
Maybe I just needed to say this to someone. I don’t know. Do you have any advice?
Hi! Our biggest advice for you here is to listen to your system and collaborate with them to find some language that works for everyone. Some systems do use and benefit from “core” language, but many do not, as it can too easily lead to prioritizing or favoring one particular headmate over the rest of the system.
Since the rest of your facets have issues with this language, it likely would be for the best to change the way you refer to yourself! Perhaps you could simply call yourself the system host or maybe blanket self (<- Pluralpedia link!), or some other unique term that you all come together to decide. Maybe you could spend a bit of time referring to yourself as a facet, and see how it feels for you.
We do feel like it’s a bit unfair to say that if you are also a facet you’ll be “just another facet.” All system members, facets or not, are unique and special individuals in their own ways. Regardless of how well developed or how active they are, there isn’t ever one system member who should be put on a pedestal above the rest (hence why many systems are offended by “core” language).
We cannot dictate how you or your system visualize yourselves, and in the end we won’t be able to choose the right language that works for y’all. But we do really think that it would be a good idea to listen to your facets, take their ideas to heart, and at least try to work on a compromise that benefits everyone!
We’ll go ahead and link our post on in-system conflict (<- link) in case something there might be useful for y’all. Remember, change often is scary, but change is often necessary in order for us to keep growing and developing in positive ways! We’re wishing y’all the very best of luck with whatever you all decide in the future!
