It's going tibia okay. Coping with Parkinson's
It never ceases to amaze me how resilient the human body is. It’s strong and it can withstand more than one thinks. The human body can be broken down only to be built back up again. Muscles do that everyday. In life, it’s a constant battle of ups and downs, like a rhythm of a heart beat. We all go through what can easily be the happiest of times and sometimes we go through the darker times. But we still manage to survive what ever struggle that comes our way. Physiologically, we are designed to handle struggle. I often forget that life isn’t just science. Science is non-emotional and states facts. Sometimes it’s easier to exist emotionless, however, that does make us all inhuman. Emotions and feelings feel like my worst enemy. I hate to feel. I hate to be vulnerable. I hate feeling sad or mad or stressed or anxious. It seems like feelings just cause problems. Again, I’m not a robot and I do feel. I feel like the world isn't always fair. I look at my family. My parents, my brothers, and I, we are good people. We work hard and have good hearts. But yet, we suffer. My father suffers from this disease that makes him lose himself. Watching him slowly slip away is not easy. It's heart breaking. It's heartbreaking to see my mother watch the man, who is the love of her life and partner forever, accuse her of infidelity and accuse her of leaving him because he thinks she doesn't love him. It is heartbreaking to watch my mom have to be strong enough for everyone and tell everyone that it's the disease and it's not Dave. My mom stands by his side, through everything and does so proudly because no matter how strange he can act, he's still her Dave. And that's undeniably beautiful. It's heartbreakingly devastating to watch my Dad, the man that seemed completely indestructible, lose his way in the disease that is taking him further and further from himself. My brothers and I have to learn to be with this new version of our dad, one who doesn't tell us jokes or attempt to cook us dinner but end up feeding us hotdogs and Mac and cheese. This dad doesn't always remember that we are adults or college graduates or even old enough to drive, but he does worry about us. I guess no matter how lost he is, he will always worry about us, because that's what all good dads do. I watch my dad sit there in his chair and look lost and confused. I watch the world go on as it seems that our world has stopped. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish time would stop because at least I can have my dad a little longer. But life doesn't work that way. The days go on and he does get worse. It never gets easier, but the one thing that doesn't change is that my dad is my dad. Whether he has this disease or not, I love him and I will do whatever I can to find a cure for him. There's nothing in this world that I wouldn't give or do to find a cure, to save his life. How does one cope with this disease? There are support groups, like the one my dad goes to. There are plenty of sources out there to educate yourself on the disease, especially at PDF.org. But the best way I've found to cope with my father's illness, is to have hope. I have been in denial and I have grieved and been angry and gone through pretty much every emotion possible. But I'm ready to make attempts to make a difference for him. Educating others and advocating for research to find a cure is my way of coping. I have hope that a cure will be found and I can save my dad. But until then, I can just be there for him. It's hard, but I do it because I'd rather had these moments with my dad than none at all. Parkinson's or not, he's my dad.
