#coolan

“So, you met a selkie.”

“A very attractive selkie.”

“That’s like saying wet water. You met a selkie.”

“Yes, I met a selkie.”

“Who you’re attracted to.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not seeing the problem.”

Alan paused the circles he’d been swimming to throw a glare Manny’s way, fins flaring. The larger merfolk didn’t seem any more concerned, even when Alan gestured emphatically towards the surface and the shoreline. All he did was lift a brow.

“You can’t tell me his being a mammal’s a problem, I’ve met your family.” Alan groaned, wishing he had proper words, or even solid reasons, to explain why this crush was a problem.

“He’s powerful,” he settled on, knowing it wasn’t going to fly even as the words left his lips. True to expectations, Manny looked at him like he was an idiot.

“You sang a fishing trawler to the deep by yourself last season.” And his family was never going to stop talking about it.

“He’s got a colony.” Fuck, he was probably in line to build his own harem. He was massive, and selkies liked that didn’t they? Alan’d swear he’d heard that somewhere, selkies like heavy builds, while he was scrawny as they came in comparison.

“You’ve got a school, and again, this has never stopped anyone in your family before.” Alan crossed his arms.

“Have you considered I might take after my mother?” Manny snorted.

“I’ve met your parents, don’t lie to me.”

“I take after her in grudges I could take after her here!” Tutting quietly, Manny shook his head and suddenly his bold yellow fins were flashing right in front of Alan’s face as he turned and made his way towards the shore. Immediately Alan filled with dread. “Where are you going?!”

“To talk to this seal of yours!”

In a frantic flash of blue, Alan was right behind him.

~~

“You don’t understand he was so pretty!”

“All merfolk are pretty. Don’t think you’re allowed to be tied to the water without being pretty.”

“This was different, he’s all blues and browns and shiny scales and flowing fins and-”

“And you’re describing every merfolk I’ve ever seen.”

“I just can’t match that.” With a groan Cooper flopped onto his back. He couldn’t. A merfolk, one who probably had his fair share of suitors. They liked long, thin forms, didn’t they? Built to get into nooks and crannies in the depths? Even outside his skin he couldn’t fit into a nook if you took off all his limbs. Mike kicked out at him, gnawing uninterestedly on what he was fairly sure was part of a human.

“Yes, you can. Easily. You’re a selkie, beauty is half your thing.”

“You know merfolk can enthrall people with just a song? Can’t top that.” Mike rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I know, did you know the other half is controlling the weather?”

“And what does that matter to merfolk,” Cooper cried. “I could pull down a thousand storms and he probably wouldn’t even notice, they can go so deep!”

“You can get him land things, like potato chips.” Again, Cooper groaned.

“He probably doesn’t even like potato chips. They’re probably poison to merfolk.”

“I am going to leave your liver in a tree.” With an aggravated snort, Mike swallowed the last of his meal and took one of Cooper’s rear flippers in his teeth, dragging him towards the sea. The selkie barked in alarm.

“What are you doing?!”

“Finding your stupid merfolk so you can tell him you think he’s pretty.”

“Should we really be having this discussion when Rad’s not here?” The living room went quiet, everyone taking a moment to look amongst themselves, a silent bid for agreement. Argit was the one to break the silence, burying his fingers in Ken’s hair nonchalantly.

“Given he’s home three months out of the year at most? Yes.” Ken rolled his eyes and sat up for a brief moment before deciding, fuck it, he was comfy, and setting his head back in Manny’s lap. The floor wasn’t the softest thing to sit on, but there wasn’t room left on the couch, he didn’t want to sit alone, and Ossy shit or no curling up with Alan and Cooper would always be awkward for him.

“I just think, this is the sort’ve discussion we should have the entire family for.”

“He’s got a point,” Alan added, curled up in Cooper’s lap in one of the armchairs, “it doesn’t seem right.”

“Right my ass,” Argit shot back, “he doesn’t hang around long enough for discussions.” Ken patted Argit’s leg while Kevin fiddled with one of his ears soothingly. Yeah Rad sometimes shared Kevin with them (really everyone shared Kevin- except for Alan, obviously, given the whole uncle & nephew thing) but he came home for Argit and their mutual partner sometimes got aggravated at just how much time he spent off on jobs. As it was, he shook the two of them off and jabbed a finger at Cooper. “How long are you willing to wait for kids?”

Cooper went quiet and looked at Manny, who did the same. Both had the same contemplative look on their faces. For about twelve seconds.

“The rat has a point.”

“He really does.” Scowling, Alan elbowed Cooper.

“We are not planning children without the entire nesting here, damnit!”

“Oh come on, we didn’t even see him last time he was home! He walked in, locked himself away with Argit for a few hours, and then left again!”

“Still!” A put-upon groan came from Manny’s other side and Mike patted Ken’s shoulder as he stood up.

“Take my seat,” he said. “You already know where I stand on kids, and I’m not even getting involved in this argument- he’s no man of mine- so I’m gonna go grab a snack.” Kevin perked up.

“Grab me a beer?”

“And me?”

“Soda’d be nice…” Ken and Alan bit back laughter as the others turned to Mike expectantly, even as he crossed his arms and glowered at them.

“Do I look like a waiter?”

“Yes.”

“Shut up. Should I be taking notes on your orders?” Even Ken threw the puppy-eyes at him, and he was very good at the puppy-eyes. Mike sighed. “What do you want?”

“Just the beer.”

“And some sodas.”

“Maybe a bag of chips?”

“Ooo, and that bag of jerky I have above the fridge, if you could, doll?”

“And pizza!”

“Michael Jeremy Morningstar if you order him pizza I will hurt you.”

Cooper rolled his eyes so hard at that his whole head moved and threw Mike a grin.

“There’s a frozen one in the second chest freezer downstairs.” Also rolling his eyes, Mike nodded and left the room as Kevin gaped like a man stabbed by his own kin.

“You brought a frozen pizza into my house-”

“Oh chill, Kev,” Alan said, “they need something to eat when we aren’t around.”

“If they really loved us, they’d starve.” Trying not to smile, Manny threw an arm around Kevin’s shoulders, Argit abandoning him to settle in on Ken’s lap instead. “Disloyal blasphemers, the lot of you.”

“Yeah yeah, we’re the worst family you could’ve ever had, at least we’re not Tennysons.”

“Hey!” Ken glowered up at Manny, Argit’s hand going back into his hair.

“You don’t count, Sisriih, you abandoned them to join the Levin-Jones family, remember?”

“It’s the principle of the thing.” He shook his head. “Anyway, that’s another reason to have Rad here, none of you can tell me you don’t want the name ‘Dudesman’ on our kids and we can’t do that without involving him in more than making them.” An indecisive murmur went up, spreading across the room, though Manny just shrugged.

“Mike and I have already discussed it,” he said, “at least one daughter is going to be ‘Manuela Micheline Morningstar’ or so help us.” Again, the room went quiet.

Then Alan nearly fell off Cooper’s lap from laughing too hard. His husband just heaved a sigh and stared at the ceiling, muttering something Ken couldn’t hear under his breath. Meanwhile he and Argit shook their heads, Ken himself fighting back a smile as he did. Kevin, Kevin just stared at his laughing Manny with such a painfully unimpressed, disbelieving look that nobody was really surprised when he slipped out of his grip and headed for the other end of the couch.

“Move over, you two,” he said, forcing himself between them and the arm of the couch, making the whole lot shuffle down as he did, “only decent men I have left.” Argit grinned back at him.

“Well you had to have at least one.”

“It’s just a shame,” Cooper added in, “that we have to lose like a third of our family. If you don’t mind, Kev, since I’m about to be painfully available...” Alan took no notice of this, too busy still laughing with Manny and also too experienced to think Cooper’d drop him over anything less than the heat death of the universe, while Kevin reached out for the blond sympathetically.

“We’re here for you, Coop.”

“You won’t go through this trial alone,” Argit added.

“Thank guys,” Cooper said, pressing a hand to his heart melodramatically- really they all spent too much time with Mike- “it’s nice to know somebody is good and just in this household.” Ken snorted.

“Let’s not go too far. Think Alan and I are the only ones in this house without a record.” Cooper opened his mouth only for Alan to clamp his hand over it.

“Or deserve it.” He snatched his hand back to reveal Cooper’s tongue out and ready, though he still looked fond when he turned to Ken. “Are we sure we even want kids with these guys?” Ken heaved a heavy, put-upon sign, shaking his head even as he wrapped an arm around Argit’s waist.

The boys were divided into two groups for the day’s activity. Group A was kicking back, eating homemade pizza (because Kevin was a disaster) and acting as a willing audience. Group B was trying on skirts and dresses and jewelry and such.

Both the catcalling and the heckling were real.

Group A consisted of Manny and Argit- who’d start out in Group B and decided it simply wasn’t their style- Ben- who’d spent too long in those things as a child and still got twitchy when he put them on- Rook- who simply had no interest in the matter- and Alan- who had been late, arriving just in time to see Manny’s overdramatic swooning and decide he wanted no part in being on the other end of that.

Group B was Pierce- involved half out of spite, half out of the comfort of a good blouse, and half because he looked damn good drenched in Mike’s mother’s jewels- Cooper and Mike- who were taking to this much better than expected, though Mike’d exiled himself to draping over an armchair about an hour in because he was loving his new heels but couldn’t walk in them for love nor stromboli- and Kevin- who several years ago would have been in the same boat as Ben, but had spent long enough struggling with being himself and also living in the greater galaxy that anymore he wore what he wanted when he wanted or people caught fire.

This was, surprisingly enough, not what had led to this situation. That had been Mike finding one of Kevin’s skirts and the subsequent reveal that he was… curious. And then the reveal that Cooper was too. And then that Pierce wasn’t, purely because he’d already experimented with his fashion and settled on what was comfortable and what wasn’t.

Turns out comfortable was a blouse and mermaid skirt, the latter of which helped him look like something other than the third shortest person in the room. That and high heels, which he wore with a grace that Argit happily blamed on his Erinaen blood. Kevin, it turned out had a wide variety of options on the table, from long turtle neck dresses to one ensemble involving a crop top, fishnets, and a mini skirt with a slit so high Ben openly questioned why he’d even bothered with it. Meanwhile Mike had carefully selected his options in preparation for the Big Event- because nobody in this pack could wear the same sized anything, apparently- and alternated between ‘conservative elegance’ and skirting the line between ‘fashionably sexy’ and ‘high-class callboy’.

Again, the catcalling was real.

Cooper was the worst of them, really. He’d wear anything. Anything. At one point he’d come out in an outfit that left so little to the imagination that he’d had to be good-naturedly chased from the livingroom with a broom to save poor Alan’s dignity.

Which was why he now had an entire cutting board on his lap.

There was bacon on the table and that was reason enough for Mike and Manny to not even sit down.

“Um, Daffodil? Dearheart?”

“Are you okay?” There wasn’t bacon in this house. There was never bacon in the house. There wasn’t pork period. Between Kevin and Manny it wasn’t allowed. The fact none of the others were concerned, simply rolling their eyes at them and taking full advantage of the boon, meant nothing. Cooper would eat anything, Argit was weird, and Ken just followed Argit’s lead, which left them to make sure Kevin wasn’t ill, or had finally been hogtied and thrown in a closet by Alan.

“I’m fine,” Kevin called from the kitchen as he stepped into the doorframe, leaning his shoulder against it. “Something wrong?”

“They’re scared of the bacon,” Cooper said before either of them could answer, mouth stuffed with the stuff.

“Pansies, the both of them,” Argit added, earning himself a glower.

“Excuse us,” Mike said, hand over his heart, “for being the only ones who care enough to worry about our man’s wellbeing.” Again, they all rolled their eyes, Kevin biting back a chuckle as they did.

“It’s lamb bacon,” he said, “from the ones we slaughtered back in spring.” For Mike this was good enough, and practically dove into the seat to rectify the nine torturous hours he’d gone without food. Manny was a bit harder, still eyeing the quickly vanishing pile like it might bite him.

“So it’s fine?”

“Yes, dumbass, it’s fine.” Kevin stepped far enough into the dining room to pull Manny down for a quick kiss, leaving a handprint in flour on the back of his neck. “You know I wouldn’t serve you pork, or venison, or any of the other shit you don’t eat.” Manny grumbled his assent as he took his seat.

“Still would’ve been nice to be told.” At those words Kevin sent Argit a heated look. Which made sense, if anyone was going to have a clue… In the ten years they’d known each other those two had kept maybe three secrets in total. It was a testament to those years that Argit was completely unphased.

“I assumed,” he said in his most ‘as the second oldest person in this building I am disappointed in you children’ tone, “that they had enough faith in you to figure you could be trusted with their food. Apparently, I was wrong.” Everyone, including Kevin, rolled their eyes. Alan was probably rolling his eyes back in the kitchen.

“You’re all disasters,” Kevin said, heading back to whatever he was making in there, “I don’t know why I keep any of you.” Neither could any of the rest of them, thankfully, so at least they were on the same page. Manny started piling his plate with fish, eggs, and fruit. Mike put a small handful of the bacon on it for him.

“It’s good, trust me.” And he would know, he’d already put it on a breakfast sandwich and was eating it while moving everything on the table over by their seats. “Pretty sure that was another part of Argit’s revenge for not doing those Tasks he set us.” Manny groaned, rolling his eyes again and biting into a persimmon.

“I don’t know what he expected from us, really. I’m pretty sure cloudberries aren’t even a real thing.” Mike snorted.

It all started with a little girl’s laughter ringing over the boardwalk, telling her brother about the ‘pretty fur’ she found, and Cooper’s immediate heart attack. His attention had immediately been pulled from his lunch (chili cheese dogs, because sometimes even he got tired of fish) to find the top of his bag, where he’d left his skin in a fit of laziness, was bare. In a half a breath he’d been out of his seat, ignoring the questioning looks he got as he scanned the boardwalk for a familiar flash of gold and brown, heart pounding wildly in his chest.

His already twisting gut plummeted when he saw it, in the hands of a young man as he gently pried it away from a little girl in intricate braids. Every possible outcome ran through his head. Every. Single. One. All he could think was that he couldn’t let him have it, that he had to get it back, but his feet were rooted into place in his panic.

As the man approached, he was this close to calling in a storm.

“Is this yours?” The man asked when he reached him, all tentative smiles and big brown eyes, and Cooper could only nod, no words able to reach his throat. “I’m sorry about my sister, she spends too much time with our uncles, they’re awful influences.”

He only just registered that the man’s outstretched hands were hot as stones in summer through the relief that washed over him as he took back his skin. Suddenly his world was back in place, he need not worry about being captured or kept or worse, never swimming the ocean again, and when he looked at the man again he actually saw him. Svelte and round-faced, tight dark curls, skin as brown as the teals on the islands, a gap in his teeth that alone managed to do funny things to Cooper’s gut. There was no magical allure in place, though the blush that crept up his cheeks as he noticed him staring came close, but certainly it wasn’t just the relief and gratitude leaving Cooper breathless.

“Thank you,” he managed to squeeze out, and watched as the man nodded his head and turned away, heading back for his family.

It wasn’t until he was back in his seat, skin clutched tightly to his chest like it might vanish again, that what exactly had happened his him. He’d lost his skin. There were so many horrible things that could’ve happened to him. And it wasn’t as if he had anybody to flood the city out for him. But, but none of there had been no need. The skin had been returned.

His skin had been returned.

The handsome young man had returned his skin to him.

Fuck.

~~

When he stormed his way up the nearby river to frantically tell the tale to Mike, the traitorous kelpie had dared to laugh at him.  He’d ended up sat in the shallows of the riverbed, clutching his skin close- normally he trusted Mike around it, same as he trusted Cooper with his bridle, but after lunch, well- and glaring at him until he’d pulled himself together.

“Sorry Coop,” Mike eventually said, flopping down beside him, “it’s just, selkies are so weird.” He shook his head. “You’re okay though? Have your skin?” Cooper nodded, frown on his face.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just…” He heaved a sigh, no words working. “Selkies are not weird,” he finally managed after a moment. Mike just laughed again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know being magically bound to anyone who shows you they’ve got an ounce of basic decency was normal. Fuck, if someone rescued my bridle, I’d maybe not eat them and their kin.” Cooper glared harder, mostly because it was true.

“Maybe some of us just show proper gratitude.”

“Nobody else does this, Cooper.”

“Swan maids.”

“Not even them.” Huffing, Cooper fell back into the water, nostrils slamming shut even in his human form. Mike just reached out and patted his knee. “Did you at least get your little husband’s name?” Refusing to sit back up, Cooper shook his head and watched Mike sigh. He was hauled back out of the water by one arm.

“You realize you don’t have to do anything right? Not if you don’t want to. Humans are pretty dumb, he probably doesn’t know what happened.” That had never been how magic worked though, had it? It was old magic as well, formed in response to all the kidnappings of his kind. If someone was so good as to ignore the allure of them and their skins, so good as to return it- Cooper sighed this time.

“He was very attractive.” Mike rolled his eyes.

“So is every selkie, kelpie, and swan maid to have ever existed, and they wouldn’t have magic pulling you towards them.”

“He’s attractive besides the magic.” Shaking his head, Mike fiddled with the golden necklace his bridle currently was like he was thanking fate he wasn’t a selkie.

“…you know, even if you found him again, it’s not like you could just go up and say ‘hey, we’re married now’ and expect a good reaction? I know selkies don’t get much interaction with humans, but they’re not that sort as a rule. At least not the good ones.” He didn’t say it aloud, but to himself Cooper wondered if Mike saw any more actual distinction between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ humans than he did ‘good’ and ‘bad’ fish.

“I know,” he said instead, and turned his widest smile at him, “that’s why I came to you. You’ve charmed plenty of humans.”

“Yeah, for dinner,” Mike replied, rolling his eyes, but still his shoulders slumped in defeat. “Alright, I’ll help you find and woo your little human. But I’m coming into town with you to do it.” Cooper threw a suspicious look at him for that- kelpie hated going so far as town if they could help it.

“You’re not eating my husband.” Mike just shrugged.

The problem with having a pack made up of hybrids, few of whom were from even the same systems, was the honestly painful number of nest material preferences you ended up with. Pierce couldn’t get comfortable if he wasn’t on straw or fresh leaves, preferably both. Helen and Elena preferred sticks, feathers, bits of fur. Manny liked a nice big patch of sand, preferably warm, and Cooper was quick to agree except he preferred his sand ‘pleasantly’ damp. If you settled Mike on anything but plush and silken fabrics he whined. And Alan

Alan let out a rattling groan as he stormed into Cooper’s lab, throwing himself onto his pile of riverstones with a clatter. He let the tension out of his body in a heavy sigh, feeling the effort it took to maintain a ‘normal’ appearance slide away as the spots mimicking his mother’s turned back to stripes, forelimbs regained digits, scales went black, and every single feather burst into flame. That was more like it.

“Hey there, little owl, rough day?” He cracked open a dark eye and watched Cooper settle onto the floor in front of him. It was always a sight to see because as much as he loved him once the illusions went down Cooper was not an attractive gryphon. Alan wasn’t entirely sure he counted as one, to be honest. With the front half of a sea eagle, and the back half of a sea lion with too long of goddamn claws, and the typical aquatic Ossy countershading… He looked weird, but as he reached out and preened one of Alan’s ears, only being a little bit careful about the whole ‘fire’ thing, he had to admit he didn’t really give a shit.

“Sheriff tried to talk me into working with them again.”

“Ugh.”

“Yeah, he backed off when Mom showed up.”

“Okay, so he’s smart enough to not want to start trouble with an owl/leopard mix, but is totally cool harassing her son who also tends to be on fire.” Cooper tutted and shook his head, nestling it between Alan’s forelegs so he could return the preening. “Not the brightest guy to ever live, is he?”

“Nope. She said she was gonna ask my uncle to talk to him-” After all, if even the local pastor couldn’t get him to stop hassling the local kids then really it’d be best to just let his aunts and uncles run him out of town like they wanted. “-but I don’t even have hope at this point.” He sighed and gave Cooper his most ‘I am small and helpless’ look. “Can I stay over here for a while?” Chirping, Cooper nuzzled his leg.

If he’d known he’d end up listening to Kevin sing along to Disney, Alan would’ve expanded on their daily ‘arguing over today’s genre’ time. As it was, business was slow, Kevin was belting out Let Me Be Good To You and why did they even have that on the playlist? There could be children! Alan groaned over a tray of peanut butter cookies. He could only hope a customer showed up soon.

Like the trumpeting of angels, the bell over the door interrupted Kevin’s singing Disney stripper music.

The front of the bakery went quiet, comparatively, as Kevin turned his attention the whatever customer had arrived. Savoring only hearing muffled conversation from the front for a few minutes, Alan left the cookies to cool and began moving cupcakes onto a display tray. Raspberry peppermint wasn’t their most popular flavor, but the redhead Argit didn’t want them to know he liked was wild for it so they were writing it off as bait. So far either it’d worked or the guy liked Argit back, because he showed up at least three times a week despite working on the other side of town. Besides, whatever didn’t get sold was as welcome at the local shelters and soup kitchens as everything else. Deciding after a moment of consideration that sprinkles would just be too much, Alan hefted the tray and made his way across the kitchen and out into the front of the shop.

“Hey man,” Kevin said with a grin as he slipped passed him to put it in the display, “got someone for you to meet.” Alan took a moment before looking up, pulling empty trays out of the display cases and stacking them under his arm. When he did though, he froze. The man on the other side of the counter was even taller than Kevin, with blonde hair and blue eyes and a scary number of freckles.

“Hi,” he said, smiling and waving, pink creeping over his cheeks. Alan waved back.

“Alan, this is my friend Cooper. Cooper, my brother Alan.” So this was Cooper. Wow. He had not been expecting, well, wow.

“Hi.” He must have looked as dazed as he felt, because Kevin’s voice took on that ‘oh my fuck they’re so cute’ tone.

“He was wondering if we had any marshmallow fudge brownies?” Slowly, Alan nodded.

“They’ll- I’ll- I was just about to get them.” Mentally cursing himself and how much hotter the room had gotten, Alan ducked back into the kitchen. He heard Cooper order a couple of cookies to tide him over just before the door closed behind him. Which meant he probably had an appetite to match his build. Which meant the universe was absolutely fucking with him.