#cool meta

I like the first half a lot. Sam feeling guilty about how he left things with john, but I feel like Jess died of normal causes (like a car accident or something). Bc Jess dying at the hands of supernatural beings would send sam spiraling into hunting I think. 

Jess dying of something normal on the other hand just serves to teach sam that no matter what life he’s in, he will not get the luxury of loved ones. Like how in s1 he thought anyone close to him would get hurt. 

Dean came to sam when John disappeared, while Jess was still alive, and Sam didn’t go on that trip with him. Both sam and dean decide to alienate the other completely after this spat. And well, they keep eachother sane so without anyone to fall back on they fall into their respective extremes 

 Sam decides the only path forward for him after Jess’ death is his dream of becoming a lawyer and Dean is no where to be found. He isolates himself thinking about how having people close to him has caused him nothing but pain and becomes ted talk sam 

What I wanted to talk about was Destiel (big shock yes I know). What’s important to know is that my mom doesn’t ship Dean and Cas. Or, she sees the potential for the ship in the show and laughs at some of the more blatant parallels, but afaik she doesn’t have an emotional attachment to it. Which is why it was so amazing to hear her give a rather succinct explanation for why Cas is such a good fit for Dean. Coming off of discussing Sam and Dean (where we examined how Dean is/was Sam’s parent) she said that Cas fulfills three necessary roles in Dean’s life; that of a partner, that of a lover, and that of a child.

The partner aspect is the most obvious imo; Dean and Cas just work so well together. We saw in Purgatory that they are a deadly team. They’re both comfortable with and flat out good at fighting. They are warriors, even though they both have other important aspects of their personalities. It’s why one of my dream endgames is Dean and Cas becoming hunting partners. I can see them being brutally efficient, just as Sam and Dean are. But whereas there is this constant history with the brothers, the inescapable subtext of older brother/younger brother (or parent/child) in their relationship, with Dean and Cas there is real potential for a relationship of equals.

Which leads into the lovers aspect. This isn’t lovers in the sexual sense, but rather in the emotional sense. I think everyone can agree that Dean is a near bottomless pit of self-loathing. Dean has done awful things, and every time he gets close to someone he always remembers them. He doesn’t think he’s worthy of love, thinks that if the people he’s meeting knew what he was really like, they’d reject him. Except that Cas already knows. Cas saw Dean in Hell, halfway to becoming a demon and a master at torture. He’s seen Dean in the depths of the Mark’s control, and still promised to stay with him. With Cas Dean has the assurance that he is loved, no matter what. With Cas (and I truly do think this is extraordinary) Dean can feel safe. There’s an emotional honesty there that I doubt could ever be equally replicated with some randomly added no-homo love interest.

As for the child aspect? That sounds bad, I know, but what it means is that Cas is someone Dean can nurture. When my mom mentioned this I was immediately reminded of a quote I’ve seen used on Dean edits many times: “They told me to pour my heart into everything I do. So that's what I did, I poured and poured and poured. Now they ask me why I'm so empty.” Dean pours himself into the people he loves. His sense of self is wrapped up in keeping his loved ones safe, keeping them happy, no matter the consequences to himself. As cool and capable as Cas is (I’m a major fan of bamf Cas and rather tired of the woobie Cas I see in fandom at times) he is undeniably new to humanity. Cas gives Dean the opportunity to be loving and nurturing without necessarily smothering or patronizing.

It started because she was really taken aback at this conversation in the ending scene of Sharp Teeth: 

DEAN: Okay, look. Whatever happened... We are family, okay?

SAM: You say that like it's some sort of cure-all, like it can change the fact that everything that has ever gone wrong between us has been because we're family.

DEAN: So, what -- we're not family now?

SAM: I'm saying, you want to work? Let's work. If you want to be brothers...[He pauses, letting DEAN fill in the blank] Those are my terms.

Not because she didn’t think Sam had the right to be angry at Dean, at the way he tricked him, disregarded his autonomy, and created a situation that lead to Kevin’s death. We both agreed that Sam’s feelings were valid (hell, I sorta think it’s about time someone beside Dean himself held him accountable). No, what she was shocked by was, as she put it, Sam’s utter obliviousness to how Dean was going to take that.

Because to Dean, family is everything. Dean’s sense of self is centered on his relationships with other people, specifically Sam. To have Sam reject their family bond is to have him reject Dean as a person. That may not be what Sam was intending to say, but that’s what Dean heard. And Dean just stood there and took it, took the crumb of acceptance that working together was, because that’s all he thinks he deserves.

During the convo I joked that the reason Sam didn’t see how this would sound to Dean is because he hasn’t done character analysis of his brother the way we have, but now that I think about it, isn’t that the problem? Sam has grown up with Dean as this constant presence. We often say that Dean was Sam’s parent in a lot of ways, and in this instance that’s clear. You don’t try to figure out your parents’ motivations, the forces in their lives that lead them to make the decisions they make now. You just accept what they give you at face value. This is how my dad brother acts, and that’s the way it’s always been. I don’t need to figure out the whys. This means that Dean’s motivations (which are so very very buried) aren’t something Sam has bothered to figure out. Dean is Dean, and Sam is so wrapped up in the fact that he thinks he knows his brother inside and out, from all the time they’ve spent together, that he can’t see he actually doesn’t. Can’t see the forest for the trees if you will.

Because Sam doesn’t see the underlying reasons for Dean’s adherence to family, he doesn’t see how deeply that rejection hurts. Sam often vacillates in his codependency (I can’t tell if that’s a writing issue or an intentional character aspect), depending on what the plot demands. He goes from utter disapproval at the second half of season nine to diving head in during season ten, especially the end. My explanation is that it’s not connected to his sense of self the way it is with Dean. Dean has always had to ‘look out for Sammy’. Sam has at least gotten to try new things, new experiences.

Um, where was I going with this? I guess I’m just trying to rationalize this disregard Sam has for his brother’s feelings here. He doesn’t see that family is the only thing keeping Dean afloat right now besides revenge. Without the bonds he has with Sam and Cas (who I’m thinking Dean got the impression didn’t quite care he was gone) Dean makes bad decisions. He’s already gotten the Mark of Cain, and without family there’s no reason for him not to succumb.