Me: *eating cheesy garlic bread* one of my favorite meals when I was little was this and tomato pasta sauce.

Tonight I had a panic attack, and the boy was calm and helped me through it. He made me laugh afterwards. And he told me to don’t apologize, that panic attacks happen sometimes.

I hereby deem that dumbass quasi-conservative statements like that be deemed 'sphincter twitches'. They're ultimately trivial and pointless, but the thought of sharing these statements should be considered unpleasant to think about.

Him: Okay, let's say if anyone is going to know about penises, it's gonna be you.

Conversations with the boy