#continuing this angst

Lance hadn’t really meant to say all of that, NOT TO SHIRO. Not now of all times. Shiro had already been through so much, was still going through so much, to force all of his own problems and issues onto the other only made out to make Lance feel even worse. His guilt settling on his aching bones as he heaved, his chest burning from his exertion, from the bruises that were likely forming and taking root in his tanned flesh. He knew the other asked for it, KNEW that Shiro had wanted Lance to lean on him, to take his offer and UNLEASH whatever it was that was actually bothering him.

He never meant to actually do it.

Withholding a flinch as Shiro swooped down his level, taking his jaw in his hand once again and pushing upwards to make Lance look at him. He could feel the tears welling over his eyes, streaming down his cheeks and crashing against the others fingertips and he made no move to stop them. Surely at this point he didn’t know how, they’ve been there this whole time, under his JOKES and TEASING KEITH and his BRAVADO, he’s been crying, hasn’t he? Sealing them inside him as tightly as possible, even as he stay awake at night, restless despite his exhaustion, TERRIFIED of what was to come the next day. Would they ever make it home? Would he ever see his family again? Would he lose one of his newfound family tomorrow? What could HE do to protect them, truly?

Truth be told there were plenty of HORRIBLE WAYS that night could’ve gone differently, it didn’t take much to say that the Garrison had been covering up the Kerberos mission for YEARS. Never wanting to actually find the answers, or if they did, not liking what they found, never wanting to own up to the results. Them locking up Shiro would’ve been EASY, would’ve made the cover up that much easier. Keith would’ve been with him too, EASILY. Lance, Pidge and Hunk would’ve been given reprimands, probably even DISMISSED for this misconduct and being out after curfew.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Lance took a shaky breath, it was hard to argue with all of that. He just wished he believed it. Wished he thought that SHIRO believed it, despite the words leaving the other’s mouth now, DOUBT was still present in Lance’s mind, prevalent above everything else. “’M sorry, Shiro,” His voice was quiet, hoarse from his tears, from the screaming he’d been doing over the past (how long had he been in here? Hours? All day? What time even was it - ?) SEVERAL HOURS. He shook his head slightly, as much as he could while his face was framed by the others hands.

A scoff of laughter at his own pitifulness, but there was no humor on his face, “You’ve got plenty of other things to do than CHEER ME UP, huh,” It wasn’t a question, more of a statement as he lowered his gaze again. After some long speech like that, Lance wasn’t sure how to feel about himself, about his life, his feelings of FAILURE and LOST EXPECTATIONS.

‘I CAN’T FORGIVE WHOEVER TOLD YOU YOU WEREN’T GOOD ENOUGH’

Shiro’s words bounced around his head now, akin to how Iverson’s had been earlier today, what had started this whole mess to begin with. But funny how they parallel eachother, Shiro’s words versus Iverson’s, now both take root within the other’s thoughts but on two very different sides of the spectrum. One was harsh and cruel, not just to the boy they were said TO but also the boy they had made mention OF. Making sure Lance knew that he DIDN’T REALLY have a place in that course, that he never really stood a chance, that he was BOTTOM OF THE BARREL and he better know that. Versus Shiro’s words. . . Words that really seemed to care about him, wanted to uplift him and bring him back from this PIT he has swallowed himself in,