#context is needed

@vaffyu tagged me to share the last lines I wrote:

“And how does the Volvo driving hottie uncle who may or may not have shagged a labrador fit into this plan?”

1. Favorite Main Couple

Hira & Kiyoi, from Utsukushii Kare/My Beautiful Man.

For one, I really like these characters, not only for what they are like as a couple, but for them. For their personalities, their thought process, the way they talk and feel about things. That already sets them apart from other couples that I've enjoyed as far as their romance went, but didn't get invested in (both!) the characters themselves—and I noticed there seems to be a correlation between how much I like the characters involved, and how much I care about their romance.

But if we're talking about them as a couple, I think what I like the most about their relationship is the equilibrium. The idea that Hira and Kiyoi are perfectly balanced.

Aaaand I know there is definitely at least one person who have watched the show going “WHAT” right now, but let me explain first 🤚🧐

Hira loves in a way that is very, very specific, and Kiyoi wants to be loved in a certain way that is also very specific. The love that Hira has to give, not everyone can handle; the love that Kiyoi would like to receive, not everyone can give to him. The fact that they meet and somehow find in each other exactly what they craved for?

That's the stuff miracles (and OTPs) are made of.

3. Favorite Main Character

Hey, have I ever told you the story of How I Met My Blorbo? No? Well. Would you believe it. It was actually through a “Most Whipped” poll from the infamous @ bl-bracket.

It was the second round, and he was winning against Kurosawa, from Cherry Magic—someone whose whippedness I was already familiar with, and thought would be pretty hard to beat. I didn't know who this Hira guy was, or what he could have possibly done or be like to be considered more whipped than Kurosawa. So, already intriguing. I went back to check the first round. On that round, he had won by an even larger margin. It was almost ridiculous. Taking a look at the comments left in the reblogs of both rounds, who I got described back to me was a boy who was so whipped it was considered weird and probably unhealthy. Huh! Very intriguing indeed. By then, I was practically sold.

It was only a surface level of interest at first, just because I think Being Whipped is one of the best character traits for someone in a romantic relationship to have; as well as being very intense, and even a little (or a lot) weird about it.

But then, I actually met him and *breathes in* God, there's so much to say about Hira. I fear I'll never get to say it all... but let me summarize to the best of my abilities (I'll try to keep it short).

The Hira that we're first introduced to is a resigned boy who feels inadequate and rejected by his school peers. His response to that unwelcome environment is that he, himself, doesn't wanna be a part of the community—he'd rather keep to himself, or “be invisible”, as he puts it. He finds comfort in his solitude, or at least he tries to.

He has a hobby—photography—but he feels like he just does that for the sake of doing it. There's nothing in particular that he'd like to photograph. He's just going with the flow. All he does in life, it seems, is go with the flow, letting the tides take him forward.

Essentially, he's lacking companionship and a purpose, and that's a very frustrating way to live. When you just lack one or the other, you can still find some fulfillment in what you have. But when you lack both? It gets really hard to think of your life—or yourself—as valuable.

So when he meets Kiyoi Sou, and decides to dedicate his whole being to him—body, mind, and soul? I get it. I really do. Because the acts of service give him purpose, a reason to be, and it also establishes a connection to somebody, even if it's unilateral. It's a chance to be present, but somewhat still at the margins, never the one at the center of attention.

Hira believes he's unworthy of attention. He stays so much in his own head, he can't see his own qualities. And mind you, he has plenty of qualities! For example: Hira is book smart (see: finishes his homework much faster/with less difficulty than the others), strong (see: no less than three people are needed to hold him back when he's defending Kiyoi with his own hands), competent (see: learning how to do all house chores by himself), talented (see: admired by the other members of his uni's Photography Club), and handsome too (see: gif above people who had never met him before commenting on his looks and even hitting on him as soon he takes his hair off his face and dresses in an outfit that complements his body). Well-mannered, loyal, honest to a fault. And cute, in an awkward way. And funny, even when he has no intention to be.

But, of course, he has some flaws too, like... *frowns*... *frown deepens*... It will come to me... *staring at the wall*... Oh. He usually won't communicate how he feels unless someone else prompts him to. Which can be frustrating and cause problems... but that's on everyone else *shrugs*

(I jest like I'm not one of the people who have felt frustrated because of this...)

As much as he might struggle to communicate how he feels verbally, though, usually his face will give him away. Be it showing his displeasure, or his awe. And no one shows awe like Hira Kazunari. Like, I don't know how the actor, Riku, does that, but you can see literal stars in his eyes sometimes. “Oh, you mean heart eyes?” nononono ☝ I've seen heart eyes. That's not it. It's not the look you give a lover—it's the look of someone who travels back in time and watches the universe born.

Which sounds normal, right? No! No, it doesn't! Now you get what I mean about this guy?! How can someone be so passionate about anything? He's so... So. He's so much. He found what he wanted to dedicate his life to, and he never once doubted the conviction he has in its merit. That was it for him. The fucking big bang, over and over, forever. Nothing can compare to that, and his life is fulfilled as long as he gets to keep experiencing it.

... Anyways. He's a fascinating little guy, and a kindred spirit to me. I love watching him discover that he's capable and deserving of being and having much more than he assumes he is—despite his every attempt to deny himself so.

5. Favorite Female Character

So, I already answered this one time, but allow me to take this awesome opportunity to mention two other female characters that haunt me to this day—the sisters from Manner of Death, Janejira and Rungtiwa.

Now, if you're not familiar with them—basically, one is one of the most disgusting people you'll ever have the displeasure of knowing, and the other did nothing wrong in her life and suffered more than Jesus.

Jane, although not being there in person for most of it, is a fundamental piece to the narrative. She's what brings everything together. You could almost say MOD is her story—about discovering what happened to her and why that happened to her; her motivations, and the conclusion to her mission.

Honestly, I don't think I could do half of what Jane had the courage to attempt. Except for Tan and Dr. Bunn, it seemed like the whole world was against her. Powerful, terrifying people, as well as people close to her. People who should have been on her side no matter what, were the ones who hurt her the most. That in itself could break anybody's spirit. But she kept going. When the ones who should have defended her weren't there, she fought back for herself. She said she would do it herself. She would put an end to it herself; finally take back the control of her story.

When I think about all the rage, horror, and hurt that woman must have felt, I just about go mad all over again.

And Rungtiwa. When I talk about Jane's older sister, it might sound like I hate her. And I do. She's the character I hate the most out of every universe. The day she has no more haters, I'm no longer in this world.

But, as it is inevitable, the more you hate somebody, the longer they stay with you. I'll never forget about Rungtiwa, or how deep run her greed. What it led her to do, and to become.

7. Top 5 BL

Utsukushii Kare

A few months ago, I read a list in here, on this very website. Someone had asked for recommendations on High School Japanese BLs, and the kind owner of the blog made a list of their favorites. There were about five of them, it wasn't a long list, but Utsukushii Kare was listed as one of them.

That was very weird.

No, I don't disagree with the author of the post. Utsukushii Kare is good, and should be recommended. There was nothing wrong with that list, technically. But it still felt weird, to see Utsukushii Kare there, among the others. And it was then I realized that, before that moment, I had never, ever, ever thought of this drama as a High School Love Story.

I had never thought of it as a story that had a school as a setting, and it wasn't just because they were only high school students for half of it. I didn't consider Hira's house as the setting either, nor any of the other locations they passed through. Not even the city they lived in. In my head, to call those places the setting of their story was technically correct, but also completely wrong.

“Well, Brace, where did you consider the story was set, then?” Hira & Kiyoi's World, of course?????? What kind of stupid ques-

Listen. Even when they were at school, in many of those scenes, it was just the two of them. When they were outside, too, they were alone together, in most of them. And when not, more often than not, they would be looking at each other, would be thinking of each other. It was like nothing else mattered... more.

This drama helped me give name to my favorite trope of all time, which I now call A World of Two. Well, it's more like a dynamic than a trope, and one day I'd like to talk about it more extensively in a separate post, because there are specific causes and possible collateral effects to it—but it's basically when two people make each other the center of their worlds.

When they come together, it's like they are in a separated space and time from everything. It's a whole world in a single space, that they share together, and it can only exist because of the connection they have. Some kind of mutual understanding or attachment that makes the ones outside of it, strangers, but the two inside, natives; from the same land, the same home.

(In that space, during that time, they feel more like themselves than in any other.)

Never Let Me Go

I struggle to find words to describe or something to compare it to... It's like...

A movie from the 1970's that is set in the 2020's, except the vibes are not futuristic, but of an old play, a tale as old as time. A modern fairytale. A dream that you wake up from and it's like you just came back from an adventure; all your memories of it have a glint to them, the colors in tones you have never seen, your heart longing for another world, the feeling of plenitude. A melody that sounds grand in a ball room, but intimate in your home, when you play it for a loved one. A blend of summer love and 72 years of marriage. Butterflies in your stomach. Heaven on Earth.

The more I talk, the more pretentious I sound (although it's all true). So let me try to keep it simple: I like the classics. I like when people join forces to fight against the world together, overcoming obstacles and the miserable situation they are in. But I also think there should be just as much—actually, even more—joy, love, and hope, in between all that. To show what they could be, what could be theirs, if it wasn't for all The Horrors. I believe that's what makes the most satisfying Happy Endings.

... There's also something about how Palm and Nuengdiao would get lost in each other's eyes. The recognition there—a conversation between their souls, that no one else was privy to.

Strangers From Hell

Still funny that the devil fell in love with him and Yoon Jongwoo tried to convince you he didn't understand why, but he was lying the entire time.

Also my doctor said I can call BL whatever I want, because of the uniquely acute vision I have (he's a dentist).

KinnPorsche

[Little House on the Hill starts playing on the background]

A part of me stayed at that safehouse. It may never find a way out.

... Also. Maybe some people look back now and are able to think KinnPorsche was not that big of a deal, but to me, she still remains That Bitch™.

The cinematography, those locations—they are severed in my brain. Most of the songs from the soundtrack were not made with it in mind, but it was almost like they were. I still listen to many of them. And I can still repeat many of those lines of dialogue from memory—a reflection of how many times I had them repeated to me because of how impactful or iconic they were for us. The storyline was engaging, every week. Both the protagonists and antagonists were entertaining. There were many characters, and they made us remember them all. Even those who were only there briefly. And all three main couples were good—you'd get hurt no matter what your preference was :D

And all the while, great action scenes, plus some other surprises no one had ever seen on television anywhere.

It was the most thrilling experience I've had watching anything, and sometimes I fear I'll never get to feel that again.

Love in the Air

Everyone puts different values on different things. LITA might be a bit rough around the edges, but both Love Storm and Love Sky are comfort zones to me.

Their stories are, at their core, about trust. And you know what? It's easy to make a story about that in which one of the characters doesn't trust easily and the other is this admirable, dependable person... but that's not quite how it goes here.

In LITA, the people (Rain / Prapai) who need to earn another's (Payu / Sky) trust, don't exactly inspire that trust in the beginning. In fact, they do the opposite, and need to work for it, to become a version of themselves that they, too, come to believe that their partners deserve.

Sky's and Payu's trust issues come from past relationships that went wrong, but in very different ways. Sky was in an abusive relationship, and discarded when it was over; Payu was rejected for his personality, his overbearing tendencies. Those experiences led them to not open up their hearts as easily again.

On the other end of this, there are Prapai and Rain, and they are... they are a mess, it's the word. They are so lost, at their respective starting points. But Rain, at least, receives instructions: Payu wants him to succeed, if Payu—the way he is—is what Rain decides is right for him. If he's serious about it. And despite the initial mishaps, it's always clear that they are a perfect match, singing to each other's tune.

There was no such clarity, however, when it came to Prapai and Sky. In fact, when people were first introduced to Prapai, a lot of us thought that he was... inadequate. That he was not right for Sky, and he would not care for him the way Sky deserved.

And then, what happened? We cried. We bawled our eyes out, because of how much he genuinely fucking cared. And some of us (me), I dare say, have never recovered from that.

8. First BL

The first BL drama I've watched was Where Your Eyes Linger, back when it was released in 2020. A friend thought I'd be interested in seeing history being made, so she made us watch together. At the time, I was not into asian dramas yet—the few I watched every now and then were because of my friend.

Rewatching it recently, I realized WYEL has a ship dynamic that I usually enjoy a lot, and some well done emotional scenes—which, for some reason, didn't have an effect on me the first time, because I don't remember the story lingering with me after. Probably because it was short and passed too fast, if I had to guess? But I can appreciate it for what it is more, now.

It took three more BLs till I became a regular watcher—I watched Addicted (stumbling upon it by chance on youtube) and Semantic Error (presented by the aforementioned friend), before watching Manner of Death, a story so dope that it made me fold and search for more BLs on purpose, just in case there were other stories that good out there. It was the first step into a world of possibilities I was previously unaware of, and I have found I quite like it in here.

9. Currently Watching

Takara no Vidro [4/10]

Perfect 10 Liners [2/24]

The Eighth Sense [1/10]

HIStory 3: Trapped [17/20]

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan [1/10]

I'm using colors to represent how I'm currently feeling about them:

Pink: positive feelings

Blue: neutral feelings

Orange: negative feelings

Right now I don't really have the energy to binge, so it's been a slow catch up with my watchlist. I've been trying to watch BLs from different countries (because this year most have been Thai) and dramas in general of other genres (because most of what I've watched this year was romance). Also more GLs (there is a great diversity of them available right now!). But yes, as for BLs, only the ones listed.

Oh, but I'm also waiting for new episodes of a korean BL animation called Shutline...? Which is more smut than plot, to be completely frank, but I started watching because the main characters are a mechanic and a gang member whose job includes killing people (that might sound familiar 😬). Apparently, “I'm watching because there's a mechanic” is the new “I'm watching because there's a dentist” for me (and only God knows the places that will take me).

11. Most Anticipated Upcoming BL

It might come as a surprise, as I've been very tight-lipped, lowkey, and downright secretive about it... but it's the (alleged) romcom series The Heart Killers.

I just think “approaching a dangerous person with ulterior motives without getting caught” is an intriguing premise, you know? Keeping elaborated secrets is a difficult task, especially when it might cost your life; worse when you lose the plot and get enticed by your own lies, the fantasy you created for someone else, and might end up breaking your own heart in the process.

That's a ride that is bound to be full of ups and downs, and I need to know how high they're gonna take us before the drop, as well as how rough or delicate will be the pick up later.

I'm also just really excited to meet these characters and see how their dynamics will play out. I'm compelled by Bison's longing for freedom; allured by Kant's charms; amused by Style's shamelessness; and, last but not least, possessed by a mighty need to see someone reach inside Fadel's armor and pull at a loose thread until he falls apart.

I just think this one is gonna be fun. :)

(tried to make it sound like the normal kind of excitement, but I don't wanna lie to you, mate... I'm obsessed with this thing. It's been pretty bad. Like, really bad. It's been like that for six months, and it has only gotten worse... Don't try to help me, though!! 😩🖐 At this point, the only antidote is the release of the series...)

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I don't know how useful this could have been as for recs, since most of the shows I mentioned are no strangers to this blog's page, but... this gave me an opportunity to reflect on them, and I enjoy doing that. So thank you for picking these numbers for me! 😊💛