#context doesn't help

-”the two of you, hunkered together, talking about love and relationships...” -”give up.”

Almost two whole years since the last time I posted a list, during which time I bounced around a few customer-service jobs and learned that nobody who does a grad program in the humanities at a smaller state school is normal. {I could make a separate prompt list off one person but this ain't it.} Use for whatever fandoms / ships you want + change pronouns and tenses as needed!!

"He got recruited by the fire department." "As a crash-test dummy, I hope??"

"Does this Thing have a name?"

"Two words - body. horror."

"You know what happens to people like that? They get married."

"The problem wasn't that she was a girl, the problem is she's an idiot."

"I understand that bisexuality is a spectrum, but he's not on it."

"He has his head so far up his ass I'm amazed he isn't drowning in stomach acid."

"I wasn't that far into I Could Fix Them!!"

"We all have past selves we've shed like snakeskin. You don't judge me for mine; I won't judge you for yours."

"I want to bite him in the least sexy way an adult woman has ever wanted to bite an adult man."

"A HUMAN did that to you?!"

"My emergency-contact situation is too complicated for that to be a good idea."

"What is wrong with you?" "SO many things."

"Where's the fun in being passive-aggressive if other people stop you?"

"While I have lived quite a few romcom cliches lately, I have not lived the plot of that Zendaya tennis movie."

"That sounds like trying to fix them but with extra steps."

"The problem is this looks highly illegal."

"I was hoping you were someone else."

"He needs better minions."

"I'm not a nice person." "I've noticed."

"What if I need to get my own shit together instead of fixing everyone else's problems?"

"Do you want to be the person who ruined her baby's wedding over toothpicks?"

"I will excuse a LOT of her choices because I want her to choke me"

"I don't know who to call for that." "Ghostbusters?"

"Was that a bounty hunter?"

It's been over a year since I've compiled a list of things I probably shouldn't have said for y'all's fic-writing inspo, but here we go! Use for whatever fandoms / babes you want and feel free to tag me, I wanna see how my chaotic life results in other people's fic!

“I would like to keep the number of panic attacks I’ve had this week where it currently is.”

“You don’t understand revenge!”

“Even the devil has to fuck SOMEONE.”

“I shouldn’t lie.”

“Do you know (X)?” “Yes, why…?” “We’re getting married next weekend.”

“The more I hear about that the less I want to know.”

“He’s almost adorable.”

“Marriage is like eating a pineapple.”

“If you wear that much glitter, you’re not straight.”

“How many midlife crises is THAT?!”

“Did you realistically think he’d give you a weapon?” “NO.”

“I’m not sure he’s going to live long enough to get married.”

“Worrying about you is a good group bonding activity.”

“You were put into this world to punish someone. I’m not that person.”

“Threatening people is more direct than cleavage.”

“I’m not gonna kill anyone today!”

“You’re too much of a gentleman, just throw it!”

“I’m not bossy, I’m suggestive.”

“You don’t have court today, do you?”

“I’m not yelling, you’re just wrong.”

“I’m not panicked, I just have questions.”

“I don’t think that’s how hair of the dog works.”

“That’s my future wife!”

“We can’t disown you NOW but we can try.”

“I’m not fragile enough to be a trophy wife.”

“Three words: emotional. support. animal.”

“I am both a delicate flower and six foot even in heels.”

“You’re either going to fall in love with her or fight her in the parking lot.” “Probably both!”

“I didn’t even get to threaten you!”