Alyssa, thirtysomething, chaos bi, intermittent fic writer currently kinda on hiatus because personal life started imitating art and everything got weird. {That tag is here for anyone who wants to see the "didn't think THIS was what 20 years of manifesting was gonna get me" adventure.} Here for the pretty and the emotions. I notoriously have a Type; hang out here long enough and you’ll see, or look at my ships / tags page here {probably not updated enough but it's most of 'em}. All my fic can be found in this tag, or try the most common ship name / tag if you’re looking for anything specific. I’m always open for prompts and tend to squirrel things for years if they don’t speak to me at a given moment, and I like talking to people - askbox and messages are always open, anon is on, let’s have feelings about fictional babes together! If you're tempted to send me half of a list for a particular ship, go ahead and send half the list, it will make my day. I do message new followers to reach out / say hi / get a sense of who’s here for what just for my own housekeeping purposes and to set the tone here. Enjoy!
I’m currently primarily screaming about: i have had this conversation word for fucking word and that sentence has not gotten more normal six months later; also and always doomed power couple that broke the world / THIS fixation wasn't supposed to last four years and counting but here we are!
other stuff I’m especially into right now: honestly, I've been rewatching more recent seasons of a few comfort-level reality shows. I don't have brainspace for anything with a plot but I do apparently have feelings about the past few seasons of Say Yes To The Dress.
I need to finish watching / establish tags and write fluff for: ...actually not a WATCH, but I need to listen through c1 of Critical Role and I'm putting that here as an accountability thing // thanks to the animated show, I do HAVE a fixation there that I wanna take apart, but...
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
making eye-contact with your lover from across the room, gesturing for them to follow you outside
tracing a finger across your lover's scar
laying a hand on your lover's thigh
threatening your lover with a knife
leaning in for a kiss but pulling away last second
telling your lover ''you're so beautiful'' knowing that's all you can say
intertwining fingers with your lover, something unspoken in the glance you share
straddling your lover's thighs
your hand touches your lover's and it feels like your whole world is on fire, so you have to take it away
tying your lover's tie
saying ''i love you,'' not being believed at first, so you repeat yourself
agreeing to sleep in separate beds but sneaking into each other's to snuggle
''i'm not in love with you.'' ''good.''
a friend has told your lover you're in love with them, you deny it when they ask you about it
not being able to look into your lover's eyes because it will send you down a spiral you won't get out of
scolding your lover for almost getting themselves killed, and your lover asks you why you care so much
your lover almost dies and that's when it clicks for you
not being able to let go when you have them in your arms
catching each other undressing and very obviously checking each other's bodies out
kissing your lover when they ask you why you've been avoiding them, not realizing it's because you're jealous that they've been hanging out with [a potential love interest]
bandaging each other up and sharing a tender moment
laying awake at night, wishing your lover was next to you
kissing your lover's forehead, torn apart knowing that's all you can do
looking deep into your lover's eyes, both of you lost in the moment
tracing your fingers down your lover's chest, stopping at their zipper, looking up at them for confirmation
flirting with your lover from across the room
solid eye-contact, then *gaze drops to lips*
grabbing each other's face and not being able to let go, or look away, leaning in for a kiss just as you're being interrupted
letting your lover know you'll always be there for them, no matter what happens
frank literally shot a gun at her and karen’s only response to this after meeting him was “but maybe he had a good reason 🥺”
karen says she used to hide in a closet as a child, wanting to be far away from her home, and frank stares at her like she put the stars in the sky
like imagine meeting someone at your very worst, when you’re essentially an animal, someone who SEES YOU and WANTS TO KNOW YOU so much that you have no choice but to respond to it. imagine your soul being awakened like that. and the only reason you met that person is because your family was slaughtered in front of you.
every time karen yells at frank actually he just looks at her like “I guess I’ll just get on my knees now???? would that please you ma’am????”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
He wants, for the first time in all these years, to lie to her. Say what she wants to hear, the soft version, because she’s been through enough, because-
What happened. God, he wishes it were that simple.
He’d known, if he lived long enough, that there would be fallout. He did – a few years ago, yes, and with very good reasons behind it, and motivation absolutely does not change what happened – steal and damage millions of dollars worth of government property. The suits do not care about the weird shit; the suits have spreadsheets and the suits barely understand how anything relevant got funded, and there are more than enough red flags in the current active timeline and-
What. Happened.
What happened, he suspects, was not the same experience the rest of the team had. He has no reason to believe that any of them pissed off any FBI agents, let alone the rest of the alphabet or an agency even he hadn’t heard of before the interrogation line dance he’s spent the past month experiencing and he was supposed to know all of this stuff before, in another life he would've been on the other side of those tables but he’s in this one and it hasn’t been kind to him in a few places and-
“Probably the same things that happened to you," he says instead of any of that, because he’s given his partner enough weight to carry without what he really hopes will be the last chapter.
She gets her hands around his neck and there are times he can almost forget how comparatively small she is. Times like these, when he can feel the fire radiating off her, when he can forget that it’s been a month since he’s gotten to hold her and he’s surprised it was only a month and-
"You're leaving something out," she breathes. “I don’t… I’m not afraid of the truth.”
“I’m here now. Is that not enough?”
He knows it isn’t. He knows her better than that. He also knows that this is no place for frustration, this conference room in some federal building he suspects is bugged to the gills. He wants to think she knows that too, but he can never be sure with her, and-
“That’s still not an answer.”
“I can’t yet.”
“That bad?”
“That bad.”
They’d given him offers. Ways to start a new life without losing everything. For all his… creative decisions, he’s decided is a tactful way to put it, he did end up being right, and that’s the kind of judgement that buys a little leverage even when he otherwise shouldn't have any. That suicidal conviction mixed with the combination of languages he speaks makes for an obvious enough intelligence asset, and yet-
He’d turned the all down, as politely as possible. Yes, he is aware that it won't be easier for him in the civilian world, and he is aware that this decision limits what supports are available to him, and he is aware of every possible relevant statistic, and-
The reason for his current judgment is currently staring up at him, waiting for answers he won't give for years yet, and that’s the deepest part of all. She’s worth the potential difficulties. She will land on her feet, he’s sure of it, and he will follow, and that’s the scary part, what he may or may not want does not matter as long as he stays with her and-
There are times Melissa can’t believe this is her life.
It hits at the strangest moments, when it does. Not the most obvious, yet there’s usually a logic to it. She should've known it would tonight, going over the plans for the kids being on winter break, preparing for a full house and-
“Are we really doing this?”
Her partner has different baselines. Her partner, just a few years ago, would've had an entirely different reaction to a guest list that includes three werewolves, a potential druid, and… honestly, Scott isn’t sure what his lab partner’s girlfriend is and that’s why that kid is along for the ride here, in the hope that being around a few people with more experience will sort out the symptoms she’s having and-
“Which part?”
“Going back to… I know it’s not how it was, at least not yet it isn’t, but-”
“We’re different people now. Maybe the rest of the world catches up.”
Not that it’s been quiet. They’re both human, yes, but word travels fast with supernatural creatures, and the existence of a human medic who knows about and respects the wild world may have become the area’s biggest selling point, and-
“Mystery kid definitely has something to do with water, right?”
“I’m thinking we set up the kiddie pool in the living room and see what happens.”
“Bathtub would work. Easier.”
“We don't know what she'll turn into. How much space she’ll need.”
Chris gives her a feather of a kiss on the forehead. "You think about different things.”
“Different biases. I’ve always wanted to be helpful.”
It could hit wrong, but it doesn't. Neither of them is particularly broody right now. It’s Melissa's last day off before it’s not just them in the house for a month, and they’re trying to enjoy that, and-
“We have a kiddie pool?”
“Yeah, in the garage. One of those thick plastic ones. It’s done nothing but collect cobwebs for ten years, but-”
“So I’ll need to spray that down.”
“I can use a hose.”
They both know he'll end up doing that. They both know he’ll figure out the logistics of indoor activities that most people would never consider as indoor activities, and she’ll stay out of the way until something gets wrong because this isn’t her world in the same way it’s his or the same way it’s anyone else she loves’, and somehow it will all turn out okay because it always does, and-
“That the only mystery houseguest?"
“This time, yes.”
“Nothing else…"
“Not that I'm aware of.”
The kids’ last day of fall semester is tomorrow. They’ll take a few days to gather their stuff, and then they'll descend. The known body count is just the ones Melissa knows will be under her roof; there may be others, Lydia has some curiosities about a sorority sister so that may be a thing in some form, and-
They'll get through, Melissa thinks. They always do. Whatever’s next, they'll get through.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Not sure about anyone else, but I re-read all my favourite AO3 comments when I’ve had a rough day, so if you’ve ever taken the time to write a deep, funny, or just kind comment, thank-you.
There are many people who don’t share this sentiment, but I have an appreciation for when a fanfic is so separated from canon that it could’ve easily been its own original novel, and yet the author was only ever going to put that much energy into it if their favourite characters got to be there
I think there’s a difference between “the author stripped the media of everything it had to replace it with something easy” and “the author thought up a concept they really really like and are bestowing it upon the character like a medal”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
She has made her decision, in the quiet of the coldest night of the year, as she slips down the hallway. She is about to destroy everything. She hasn’t yet, she could still turn back, but-
If she does as she is expected to do, she will fade away. If she breaks the world, at least it will prove she exists.
She knows, in that deep part of her mind, that there will be consequences on a scale she can’t currently imagine. She also knows that her counterpart has no such fears, and she can devote the rest of her life to making sure he never has reason to acquire them, and-
Do the thing. Mind off body on.
His head barely turns as she slips into what has become their shared space more nights than not. She has allowed routines to develop and found that she likes them, and-
“You haven’t worn lace in months."
The men of that bloodline are not romantics, Jessica reminds herself. She has allowed what she has become in this space because her partner is loyal and honest, nothing more flowery, and-
“I thought it might motivate you to keep me warm.”
“I need no such visual."
“But does it work anyways?”
He answers by approaching her and wrapping his arms around her, gentle. He runs warmer than she does – a low bar, yes, but an existent one – and there is a part of her that just wants this, the innocence of it, the fact that she could decide that is all she came here for and he would hear her and-
It isn’t, she reminds herself. She needs more.
She allows heat to build in her core and flicks a thought of release. If an egg starts moving now, it will be in perfect position to meet her partner’s seed. She can’t know everything about the potential branches of her own bloodline, but she can control enough to get what she needs – a son who will take after his father in appearance and herself in personality, and if she is enough-
“Something burdens your mind, my storm."
“Nothing you can take from me."
“You seek distraction, then.”
“I do.”
There is no reason to tell her partner what she is about to do. She suspects he would understand more than most outsiders, but he has chosen not to do so formally. It is enough for him that she is faithful and has shown an appropriate balance of her affiliations, and-
She’s not sure which of them takes the first kiss, or the second, or any that follow. They have come to delight in each other, and her sacrifices will begin after intimacies, not during. There is a way that man looks at her that feels reverent and safe, even with his eyes and voice deepened by desire, even-
“You know you don't need to try so hard.”
“What makes you think I'm trying?”
She is, more than she wants to admit. She wants to distract him so thoroughly that he won't say pretty words after, just keep his arms around her and give her reason to stay past the point of no return and-
“This is unlike you.”
“Is that a concern?”
“It is not unappreciated.”
“Not an answer.”
“I know you enough to trust your intentions will not harm me, and I know you enough to be even more certain that you have them.”
“I need the closeness of you. Do as you will within that.”
She allows herself a healthy detachment from what follows. Nothing is done to her body that she does not find some enjoyment in, but it’s easier if her partner leads, and they have their habits, at worst there are things she tolerates but-
Something in her mind breaks as he straddles her, and she bites her lip and it isn’t enough, she’s not sure what the rush of emotions even is but she is undone too early in the wrong way and-
“If you are uncertain-”
“Do as you will,” she repeats.
She knows this man on an even deeper level than she was supposed to, and she knows the unusual caution in how he takes pleasure in her. There will always be some of that, she expects, respective natures are as they are, but this is more than she’s gotten used to, she hasn’t been fragile in some time and yet-
She is more fragile than she can even say. She can feel the first cell that will become their child beginning its descent through her body, and to experience that at the same time as her partner’s attentions, the way his body moves against hers, his fingers threading in her hair and feathered kisses across her face and-
There. This is the beginning and end of everything.
Under any other circumstances, she would retreat if s compromised by the state of her heart. As it is, she needs to stay close, to use the distraction of being loved to keep her from changing her mind, to follow through with the most dangerous idea she will ever have, and-
“That didn’t help,” her partner murmurs.
“I don't know that anything could."
“And yet you stay.”
“I told you. I’m cold.”
“I don't know that I believe you.”
“What I do not speak will not harm you. Can you at least believe that part?”
“I can.”
“Then leave it there and trust that I am not in pain.”
It isn’t so simple, she thinks. She sacrifices herself in order to become something greater. She goes against centuries upon centuries of other people’s ambitions because this man next to her, pushing her hair out of her face and not pushing the situation further, was kind to her in a way she was not prepared for. To be the object of such devotion requires a response, she justifies, and this is the only thing she can do, and-
“I do love you," she whispers.
“I was unsure you knew those words."
“Not unknown, just unpracticed. Same as you.”
“Then you do understand that everything I am is tangled in you.”
“I do.”
With this, she becomes immortal. A great love story or a great cautionary tale. Perhaps both. It doesn't matter. This placement has rubbed off on her, she decides, that lust for glory that her partner shows little of has become her burden instead, and now-
Nothing can ever be the same now. Let her be enough for whatever grows in its place.
