STEPH: Tim's room was practically silent, Steph staring at the cracked screen of her phone she had found in Tim's room. Occasionally it lit up, Steph staring until it went dark once more. The lockscreen made her heart clench each time she saw the photo of her pressed against Tim's chest, his arm around her and smiles on their faces. She felt numb to the tears that slid down her cheeks and dried there, making the bandage across the gash on her cheek damp. Ra's' personal reminder of Tim she'd now have for the rest of her life. The reminder she was the reason Tim was sent to his doom, his death in her eyes.

A choked out sob escaped the shaking blonde, her curling up in on herself as much as she could without her ribs and shoulder screaming in protest. The sharp knock on Tim's bedroom door had her wanting to just scream out. "Go away!" She shouted. "I'm not hungry, thirsty, nor do I want to see anyone! Just leave!" Her words were punctuated with a broken sob, burying her face in Tim's pillow and giving into the urge to scream until she couldn't anymore.

Every bit of her was cracked into a thousand pieces and Steph had no idea how she was going to put them back together anytime soon.

BABS: The shout cut harshly even through the door, and Barbara almost considered listening. She could remember that feeling, wanting to crawl out of her own skin, never wanting anyone to look at her again. She still felt it sometimes. There was a reason she spent the majority of her life tucked away in her clock tower, surrounded by firewalls both electronic and physical. There were very few who could slip past them so easily, and Steph was one of them.

Steph who was on the other side of the door sobbing, her own firewall in place. Barbara pushed through, because Steph was stubborn and determined and positive and had steadfastly broken through every one of Barbara's walls, and there was no way she'd leave her alone. Even if that meant leaving her tower, even if it meant coming to Wayne Manor. Sometimes walls were meant to be pushed down.

She pressed the door shut quietly behind her and wheeled up next to the bed. Touch wasn't right, not unless Stephanie expressly wanted it, but she was close. "You know, I'd listen, but a while ago I made a promise to you that you'd never be alone. That's not just on the streets, Steph. I'm here."

STEPH: The door opened and Steph curled her fingers up into the fabric of the sheet on Tim’s bed. Then it shut. Another scream started to form in her chest, heart thumping and the hurricane of emotions she couldn’t pick apart started to grow until she heard that familiar voice.

Babs. Original Batgirl, her mentor and one of the people she trusted the most. Would she think she’s weak too? That she should have been better? The thought made her choke back a sob.

“It’s my fault.” Steph finally whispered, back towards Babs as she laid there. “I didn’t—I didn’t even get to see him. He wouldn’t let me see him. I killed him. I sent him off to his death at the hands of his worst nightmare all because I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t careful.” She was spiraling now, breath hiccuping as the tears rolled down her cheeks once more.

BABS: "Hey, hey." Barbara finally reached out, one hand resting on Steph's shaking shoulder. She couldn't see her face (maybe that was intentional), but she could hear the pain in every hiccup, in the way her words started to tumble.

She thought of rooftops and soft voices through the comms, the first time someone slipped through Stephanie's fingers. That sinking feeling that nothing will ever make better, and how this was worse. This wasn't some nameless loss, this was Tim.

"You are not responsible for the actions of evil men. There is one person responsible for this, and it's not you. Blaming yourself is like..." Blaming herself for opening the door. The thought caught, and she let it slip away, sinking somewhere deep and heavy in her chest. "You did everything you could, if I know you at all. Tell me you didn't get a few good zings in."

Another pause, "And you know we'll find him. I won't rest until we know where he is."

STEPH: Steph could hear Babs' words, make sense of them and comprehend them, but she didn't believe them. There was a reason she had stepped back from Batgirl, feeling a crippling dread that she would never measure up to Babs herself. This just proved it in her mind, she got the love of her life sent off to his worst nightmare all because she was the worst bat of them all.

A shudder wracked through the blonde and she sobbed weakly, finally turning to look at Babs head on. The bandage covered the majority of her cheek, left eye swollen still and purple and black bruises covered the pale skin there. "It doesn't matter, does it? I still lost. He didn't...he didn't even let me see him. I didn't even get to tell him I was sorry." She gasped out, feeling like her chest was moments away from caving in on itself.

"Ra's—" Even saying his name turned Steph's stomach and she paled considerably, shaking her head and going silent instead of finishing her thought. "...I killed him, Babs. He chose to save me. I'm not worth that."

BABS: "Don't you ever, ever say you are not worth it. Steph–" Barbara moved her hand to cup Stephanie's cheek, running a thumb gently to wipe away the tears. Gentle for bruises and cuts and injustices. "Look at me. You are worth more than you will ever know."

Stephanie had shown up in Barbara's life during a time in which she thought she'd never be happy again. Not truly, not easily. She'd tucked herself away so completely, both physically and emotionally, even her doctor was beginning to question why she never smiled. It took time, but Stephanie changed all of that. Stephanie with her quips and determination and bright smiles even the face of overwhelming odds. Stephanie who plowed through Barbara's warnings and walls.

She was worth it. And clearly Tim Drake thought so as well.

"Ra's is vile, and he will not get away with this." Her voice cut, no room for argument. "He's the one to blame. You did not make him take you, you did not make him take Tim, you have nothing to apologize for. The only one who benefits from you blaming yourself is him. Don't let him make you doubt yourself."

STEPH: Steph's eyes reluctantly shifted over to look at Babs' face, heart dropping. Her eyes fluttered shut weakly at the touch to her cheek and she let out a weak sob. This was Babs, the one who she strived so hard to be good for. To impress and make proud. Her doubt and fears in herself made her step away from the Batgirl mantle she had been so attached to. She saw the good in her even when Steph didn't see it herself. So why was she having such a hard time believing her in saying she was worth it.

"I don't know what else to do, Babs." Steph whispered weakly. The dark cloud that hung over her head seemed to infect every crevice and corner of Tim's room, it was saturated in her devastation. "I'm hanging up the suit. I can't be Spoiler anymore. It's...it's tainted now. All I can think of when I even try to think of going out again is how I let Tim down." Maybe next time you'll be more careful. Maybe next time you'll be more careful. Maybe next time—

The tears wouldn't stop. She didn't know how to make them stop, rolling down her cheeks and her breath hitching with each staggering breath. "I don't know what to do anymore."

BABS: Barbara paused, running a hand along the top of her thigh. She couldn't feel it, she hadn't been able to feel it in a long time. It was the getting back up that had been the hardest part. It wasn't that she'd failed, but the road ahead had looked like one failure after another. There were no next steps, there was only a suit on a rack she'd never wear again. But she got up. If only to prove him wrong.

"Do you remember the first time someone slipped from your grasp?" Barbara could. Curse her perfect memory, she could hear it. Stephanie's broken 'no,' and the quiet defeat when she said she was done. Her first loss, and Batgirl was back on a shelf. "You wanted to quit then, too. Being a hero just wasn't for you. But you got back up, Stephanie. You got back up, and you went on to take down the person actually responsible."

Her hand stilled, moving from her lap to the hand rim of her chair in a white-knuckled grip. Bringing up the past was a calculated risk. "You're stronger, better than you think, always have been. Don't complicate what comes next. You get up. Get up because Ra's was wrong to ever mess with you, or because you're stronger than he led you to believe, or to prove you can. Just get back up, and we'll figure the rest out from there."

STEPH: That question took the wind out of Steph. How could she forget? You never forget the first failure. The heart stopping moment where your best wasn't enough. It had broken her. The good guys were always supposed to win, right? That's how it was supposed to go anyways, but life has a funny way of proving you just how wrong you can be. The good guys don't always win, you can't always save everyone.

Babs was right, she always was. There was still the mere thought of grabbing her Spoiler gear and putting it on made her feel sick. It felt almost tainted now, like she couldn't even fathom wearing it when she held that mantle while Tim was taken to his worst nightmare. Whether she was convinced or not, she felt responsible. She could have been better.

"...I don't know how to get up this time. If I get back up, it can't be as Spoiler. I can't do that. Ra's ruined that for me. He...he ruined so many things, Babs. I have to hang it up. I just...I don't know what to do next now."

BABS: "Then try a different suit." The implication was clear. There was a symbol they'd shared once, both making it their own in different ways, but ultimately holding up the same mantle. As resistant as Barbara had been at first, she'd come to find Stephanie wore it well. She'd go head to head with anyone who dared say otherwise.

Unfortunately, the loudest protestor had been Stephanie herself, and the suit had found a familiar home on a rack. Barbara only begrudged her the change a little. Spoiler was Stephanie's, there were no shoes to fill.

But she wondered if Steph knew she never had to fit Barbara's boots, she only had to make them her own. That...

"I've told you before, I'll say it again. The suit you wear, that only gets you so far, Stephanie. Anyone can scare off a mugger with the bat symbol or a hood. The big stuff? That's you. It's always been you, and Ra's will never ruin that for you. Don't let him."

STEPH: Steph was quiet for a long, long moment. The implication was entirely too clear. Batgirl. It was a thought Steph had put in a box and shoved to the back of her mind. It had been a lot, the pressure she had put on herself to manage filling Babs' shoes. She had fallen, terrified of not being enough. She never wanted to let Babs down especially. She had much more faith in her than she thought was deserved.

Tears stung at her eyes for what felt like the millionth time. Letting out a shaky breath, Steph swallowed hard and looked at Babs. Batgirl. Batgirl. Batgirl. It was a loop in her mind on repeat, feeling entirely too much like coming home, yet moving out on her own to face the world standing on her own two feet.

Steph would do this for her. For Tim. For Babs. To show that bastard that he wouldn't get away with doing this to Tim, to her. Letting out a weak noise, Steph nodded rapidly and wiped at her face. "He won't. I can't...I can't let him. Not to me. Not to Timmy."