im currently not wearing glasses so forgive me for any typos, but i do want to talk about blunted affect and how its impacted me for a bit since ive been reading back up on it for personal reasons.
i experience blunted affect. its not a surprise, really (considering the type of blog im running), but dear GOD does it annoy me. its not something i can control, and thats not actually the issue for me. its other people.
because i fail to react naturally as much as other people, i kind of have to force myself to "keep up" in the moment. this makes me sound VERY forced at times.
i could be genuinely so happy, but my brain decides Fuck You In Particular and i just dont show any signs of it which makes people start commenting on how they believe otherwise. when people are laughing i "laugh", too, but it just doesnt show for me. having to say "haha thats funny" makes me sound upset and people notice.
i have a plethora of other disorders that cause this and for the love of god i cant tell which of them is the main contributor. i think its just all of them making me suffer booo booo
anyway. sometimes it IS worse for me as well. there are times where i simply do not react at all nor do i feel the need to react because i simply dont. well i dont want to say i Dont care i do i just. dont
like i dont feel anything. at all. "this situation is so heartbreaking!" or sometimes "this makes me so excited!" and i just lack what other people have that causes them to be able to share that emotion in the moment. it can sound edgy when explained which i absolutely hate but its still true. sometimes i just fail to feel anything when its important or struggle to demonstrate when i care at times when its important.
a lot of times, im chatting with people telling them how much i care about things they tell me, and i DO care! i care a lot! but i just dont react to it at all for some reason and it makes me feel empty. thank god i prefer text because its so much easier to show how im feeling but i cant be online 24/7 texting. but still. it makes me feel like im not appreciating them entirely or not being a good enough person for not being able to feel anything
idk! i just wish i knew better ways to cope with things i lack without needing to feel like im masking like shit
heh.. coping skills hmu (if any of you guys know how to cope with this thatd be awesome)
