#consa

I swear to God, the school I went to was one of the worst experiences of my teenage years. And that's not to sound dramatic. Genuinely, it was hell on fucking earth. You would think it was the students that where causing issues?. No, it was not just them; the staff as well were at the capacity of an unevenly weighted carrot. That had been uprooted way too quickly.

I recall once getting pulled out of class after a nightmare of a week where my mom was just being an asshole tbh there is no other way of really saying much off. She was trying to get me to get over my sexual assault, which was caused by her eldest daughter, and would avoid being by my side, as I had no proof.

So I was preparing for my art exam, dead inside, eyes heavy from stress and no sleep and shaking from how horrible my C-ptsd flashbacks were getting, as this was the month I started to remember the 10 years I forgot growing up as a kid.

My teacher pulls me out, and she takes me to a room. And tells me how heavy my eyes look, and I think yeah, no fucking shit, Sherlock, looking back at it, but really I was brain dead on the inside, thinking wow, no one cares about me. So she starts playing sikh prayers to me. And I am by no means religious at all. But she said my eyes lit up. Which was a big, big lie. Eventually, she breaks the silence by passing me a card and asking me to tell a room full of strangers my story to help abuse victims who are women stand up to their abusers. And it could be inspiring due to my history and sa and dv background.

It was the most insulting I have ever felt because my story was neither inspiring nor good. No, it was constant beatings, fights, assaults, being forced to do things and getting groomed. I get it, now that im older, she was trying to be helpful. But that pain and those memories were far too fresh for me. And it made me resent her completely for it.

Sometimes, when you do not know what to say, you shut the hell up instead of trying to get a 15-year-old to be an ambassador. That isn't to say that I never wanted to talk about it, but I'm in a place where I feel safe and comfortable enough to do so.

Prainha se encontrou! Sábados quentes demais, com comidas deliciosas demais por Consa (Nhoque e bolonhesa) e sobremesas incríveis (não sabia que dava para fazer brownie com recheio cremoso! Mallu inovadora), e um pouco de vinho por mim, pra ficar ainda mais quente.