So Raege has an odd habit of accidental romantic gestures - chocolate gifts, hugs, big declarative speeches. What kinda stuff does she get up to, Boone?
You know? The things that seem like a big deal are often easier to roll with. First off - she doesn’t hug me. Not as must people think of hugging. Not innnn 15 years.The chocolate, much as it is classically thought of as a romantic gesture probably went like this: The Major probably saw the Commissar putting a chocolate ration in her locker and saw that it was piling up and just said:
‘Ey Conners. If you’re not gonna eat it you should just give it to Boone.’‘Why would I do that? It’s too sweet, And it’s bad for you.’
‘It’ll cheer her up. Give it to her next time she seems down. A happy psyker is safe psyker.’
That’s not far from how it went , except that it was nothing like that concise. I’m not sure it’s ever taken me less than a minute to convince Conners she should listen to me. Outside of battle.
The speeches, well they’re not usually about me or how she feels about me and even if they were - she’s a morale officer. I’ve heard her try to bolster most people.
No, the Commissars real problem is with her complete lack of awareness or, voluntary disregard of normal social cues.
[subject pinches the bridge of their nose]
Like, most people, if they enter a room to talk to somebody and that person is either getting dressed or undressed they will excuse themselves. Not the commissar. She doesn’t even turn around and then start talking she just leans against a wall, folds her arms and acts like nothing weird is happening. It’s not just me who has noticed this. It goes both ways, too. There was once an emergency transmission in the briefing room and she just ran there, straight from the pool. Wet footprints and all.
I said she hasn’t hugged me and I stand by that - but any time we need to run somewhere and I can’t keep up, she just picks me up and runs with me. Usually muttering about my choice of footwear.
Multiple times when we’ve been in a dangerous situation, like, we hear a mortar whistle or something, she just wraps around me and either presses me into the ground or against the nearest wall.
One of the worst ones for me is that she often, these days at least, seeks my insight on things as both a psyker and a commissarial aide. But I’m not good enough at mind talking to ‘talk’ to her like Cuddles. Instead she just leans down and whispers or mutters into my ear, so close that her lips keep brushing at it.
She is a menace to exercise with in that regard. If your form or stance is wrong, she wont explain it to you. She will demonstrate it exactly once then immediately lose her patience and just readjust your feet, hands and posture herself until you’re in the right pose.
You see the ongoing, overlapping problem, yeah?
[subject looks skyward, exasperated]
One time on a beach planet, we were grabbing real quick R&R by a lake, I had missed a spot of sunscreen on the inner back of my thigh. The commissar just walked past and said ‘missed a spot’ and slapped some onto the bit I’d missed.
Couldn’t hear anything except my heartbeat for about 3 minutes.