#confes

After 6 years in the hobby I finally decided I want to own only girl dolls. I tried to rebuy a boy a few times, but each time after not doing anything around him for months or so, I was selling him and rebuying out of some weird... guilt? Right now I am super happy I'm selling him for the last time and going to spend the money on another SD girl doll I'd been dreaming of for months. I can't wait.

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I’ve already said that I live in italy, more precisely in a small town on the coast of tuscany, right in the middle of THE FUCKING NOWERE, and that’s the first point of “why the fuck do you want to move out of a beutyfull country such as italy?”. second of all, I’ve got to kill the mood right there, living in italy suck and I’ll tell you why: most italian are old, racist and/or homophobic, that’s because whe had a cruel dictatorship that left his mark in the minds of a lot of people (I’m talking about fascism), I even have fascist classmates for god sake! WHE ARE 17 YEAR OLD, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT A PERSON LIKE MUSSOLINI (that lived 50+years before whe were even born) WAS A GOOD GUY AND HAD GREAT IDEALS???? Italian people are stupid, that’s why most of the student are going away, the famous “brain escape”. I’ve started to look at places to live when I’ll go to college (I’m planning to move to dublin) years in advance and my classmates are like “you hate your cuntry, you anti-patriotic asshole”, and fuck yhea they are right. a famous italian singer said once “goodbye malinconia”(malinconia is melancholy in italian) refering to italy, and I can’t wait to say those words once I grab my airplane ticket to ireland whit a big smile on my face and a middle finger to the airport.   

There;s a solid part in me that really wants to work, but then there comes this whole new person, who simply emerges from the deepest pits within, restraining me from doing anything. Most of the time this ‘restrain’ is everything around me trying to block my way out of my own restlessness and impatience. However, at the end of the day it will all be on me, and not on the countless obstacles trying to hinder my progress.  ”she isn’t capable enough”  So most of the time i find doubting myself, i’ve now come to realize that in almost every case it’s not me, but the lack of belief vesting in me. Reading this post is making me  realize the ambivalence etched in my desperate plea for  help (?), attention(?) ; an outlet for (somewhat) confessing my storms.

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